In The Heart Of Madness Awakening From The Matrix

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Metal, Nov 19, 2014.

  1. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    I have used a lot of graphic designers from fiver.com and they seem to do good work for a few 5$ sessions. About 20$ to go back and forth for a decent logo or 3d designs about 40$
     
  2. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Thanks gameover, I'll check it out later. Need to get this shit out on the market asap.
     
  3. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Been a bit of while since I updated my profile, just been busy doing so many different things it's crazy.

    I just put rebooting on the backburner because I didn't really want to deal with it and go through the struggle while trying to map everything out in my life.
    But now I've been back on the wagon since the new year where I went on a run then slipped but now back on another run, which I'm very pleased with because I've had no slip ups/wet dreams or dodgy sexual encounters for 28 days and it's been tough.

    Plus I feel like I've experienced somewhat of a paradigm shift, in that I'm not worrying about and obsessing about sex and thinking I need to fuck everyone in the world. Even though that's still my ambition somewhat lol, it's taken a back seat, because I've reminded myself of the benefits of abstaining and feel good knowing I'm clean. Instead of feeling resentful having to abstain, feeling like I'm missing out on all the fun, i feel privileged once again to be on the journey of self mastery and I feel like others can sense my aura and know there is something different about me.

    I've decided I'm going to channel my sexual energy into obtaining financial freedom, and that has now become somewhat of an obsession now and I feel like I'm on the right path of making it happening one way or another.

    But I'm honestly loving the challenge this time round of fighting this and reprogramming my mind and body from the ground up. Every day I feel like I'm getting stronger, even though there are fluctuations in my mood, like last week to where I felt like jumping off a cliff, to now where the last few days I've been feeling so energetic, excited and sharp.

    Every time I go out, even when I'm not even dressed to my best, I get some girl or group of women turning their head and eyeing me up and down, and I love that feeling, this is why I am going to make sure I reach the finish line.
     
  4. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Reached 30 days and feel proud. Got a technique to keep myself from relapsing or fantasising about whores and porn that seems to be helping me stay grounded, plus I got a weekly routine, where now I'm training 3 times a week, plus yoga, boxing and qi gong that helps keep me in a rythem and helps to keep me using my energy productively so I'm not all jumped off and on edge.

    Just received a template of my logo design for my products and it's looking the business, cost me over 1k to find a top graphic designer but well worth it. It's really made my day and So excited, I'm going to hit this hard now I believe I can make this business work, and send two fingers to the whole world who wrote me off.

    I'm coming back, stronger, wiser, more aggressive and fearless. Living my life to the limits, no more being scared of taking risks or being who I am. The time is now, fuck what other people, fuck failure and fuck this brainwashed society.
     
  5. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Feeling more and more energy as the days go by. Recovering well from workouts and feeling very motivated. Decided tomorrow I'm going to start the no arousal challenge to take things up a notch. No checking out girls, no media, no fantasies,no touching, no NOTHING! lol

    had some urges the past few days that I had to battle to overcome because I was wounding myself up when out oogling women and my brain was thinking of whores. But feel really good tonight, done some reading to remind myself on what needs to be done to get where I want to be in the future

    Got a solid regime going, slowly getting my diet back to where it once was, and got the fire in my belly to get things done.

    I'm looking forward to just stripping all the junk out of my life and focus soley on improvement and recovery. Tired of putting it off and making excuses, then reading other people's successes stories and knowing there isn't any reason why I shouldn't have one myself by now.

    Let's fucking do this
     
  6. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    30+ days is great man. would be super happy with that myself. i am sure you can do a shit load longer as well.
     
  7. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Thanks Game.

    But I won't be satisfied until I get to at least 6 months. That'll be the halfway point for me, I've got a lot of rebuilding to do but I'm ready for the challenge.
     
  8. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Fucked up last night and today on day 40 through pmo.

    Not really disheartened as I don't feel like I lost my progress, just mb 3 times over the space of last night and the following morning.

    Still feel determined and still feel focused and am in great shape so not going to be neurotic about it otherwise that means more guilt, more rumination and more relapses. I also know recovery isn't linear so next time I'm expecting to go further then 40 days next time without relapsing. Just need to get back on board quicker.

    Other than that things are going ok just focused on starting this business venture and making sure my brand is quality and found some new ingredients to make even better. I've also started to get involved in day trading. My old man made a 10k profit in a month doing foxrex and ETF stock trading and quit his day job and is now a full time trader. So I'm working alongside him learning the ropes and I made a £200 profit on a single trade by just pressing a button on my screen from the comfort of my home in the morning. So at the minute that is my obsession, fuck driving taxi's, it's all about trading for me. The adrenaline I get from it is unreal. So really excited, I feel like that guy out of limitless lol.

    I guess that's why I'm not too upset about relapsing, because I know I've made progress and stll going in the right direction and I know I can learn from it. I need more discipline of the mind through meditation which I was slacking with in the last week which lead me to being easily distracted by fantasies which I couldn't really shift because my head was running at 1000mph.

    I need to slow it down and make sure I meditate day and night otherwise leave myself open to lapses.
     
  9. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    I've had to re-evaluate a few things that were slightly holding me back even though I was making progress.

    Namely I was vaping and didn't realise how much damage I was doing to myself doing it. It helped me stop smoking but became another crutch to hold on to and it wasn't doing my mental state any good since I was still getting nicotine hits and silly spikes that was making me a bit impulsive and irritated easily sabotaging the positives I was doing with me day.

    So I have had to remind myself on the effects of nictoine because I was telling myself like other vapers that I wasn't doing as much harm because I wasn't ingesting all the tar, carcinogens and other crap from real cigerettes. But Nicotine alone still messes up your neurotransmitters, hyjacking them in fact so it in turn craves the nicotine. It also prevents you from reaching your full lung capacity.

    I've stopped vaping for the last 2 days now and I feel so much better already. The crap was causing me dry mouth, dry skin, and energy levels all over the place.

    Another thing I've had to look at and be honest with is my qigong class. The teacher is really pissing me off, he's so smug and arrogant, as if his lineage is the only valuable teaching of qigong, that everything else isn't worth learning. Mean while he's been stringing me along teaching me the basics, I only know the preliminary sequences and have been there for nearly 1 year and feel like I'm just going over the same god damn thing and paying premium. I understand that you have to get it right, but I know it inside out so why not teach me to the next level.

    So I've looked online for a new class and found one that teaches the whole Baduanjin system in 9 weeks for half the price I'm already paying this fuck who's ripping me off every week, when I'm not learning anything new.

    Another thing is taking meditation seriously, and stop just going through the motions but actually be attentive during it and during the day. I found changing my position to sitting in half lotus, more concentrating, more fruitful than sitting in the chair. It's taken a week to be comfortable sitting cross legged again but it's feeling much more disciplined and easier to focus and decided to include a mantra to help as well.

    Tomorrow I will get the metals removed out of my mouth and from thereon in I will gradually start removing every toxic element from my life and do a full chelation detox through infra-saunas and using chlorella
     
  10. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    I have been looking at getting into EFT trading, Mutual Funds etc but it is difficult when you don't know anyone in real life to watch and see how it all happens.

    How did your dad learn?
     
  11. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    My dad taught himself and as he improved learned some strategies with online mentors but they are dodgy in the long run as well.

    Books and tutorials also help
     
  12. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Really struggling with my addiction, I feel stuck at the moment. I keep relapsing and it's not even funny, it's at the point where I feel like a junkie. I don't even like going out any more. I'm trying to think of ways to get back on a streak again but this compulsiveness knows no bounds. I can't concentrate on anything, I feel like a zombie because of the relapses and I'm so angry with myself for allowing myself to be stuck in the same behavioural patterns.

    I want to get away from my environment for a week or so, but I've got work to do here that I can't escape from. I've been looking into the vipassana 10 day course. It's extreme, but so is my addiction. The program consists of meditating for 10 hours everyday -no talking, no electronics, no reading, no writing, just complete confrontation with yourself in 10 days of utter silence.

    So this is my last throw of the dice, I need a break from not just porn but all distractions and need to reprogram my subconscious. I may go at the end of this month, or end of may. I have to do something drastic or else this is going to continue to get out of control
     
  13. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Well I'm definitely going but looks like it's going to be August earliest, hoping someone drops out so I can go in May or June.. This is like boot camp for the mind where It's all about breaking down psychology impressions and cravings that have been conditioned through our habits and through society and forcing you to deal with everything. Some are saying it's like a ayahuasca trip.

    I've been trying to do shadow work on myself for as long as I can remember but in to day to living there is just too much distractions and my daily meditation does not go deep enough. After 20 minutes or so of meditating I've had enough.

    However If you are away in the countryside with rules enforced such as no tv, no computer, no speaking or looking at anyone, no indulgence of food, but only allowed to look into yourself from 4am -9pm, then you have going to have done some serious work. That's 100 hours of meditation in just 10 days.

    Once I've done that I will work up to doing the 30 day course. Imagine that, 30 days of hardcore isolation

    This guy said he beat his drug and alcohol addiction from attending the course, after trying to quit for over 4 years.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sORWZC8LsnQ
     
  14. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Day 1

    I've gone back to the drawing board where I'm just going to take one day at a time and make sure I journal on here to keep track and give myself some targets.

    Today was ok, I got off to a good start, by meditating for 15 minutes as soon as I woke, followed by some stretching.

    Didn't eat until 12ish, as I've started intermittent fasting and find I have way more energy throughout the day. I've also completely given up meat, it's been over a week now since I stopped again but this time it's not for health reasons it's for moral ethical reasons, after someone dared me to watch Earthlings without looking away which is pretty impossible, but the message hit home nevertheless. So I'm pleased I saw it and now made the decision to stop participating towards the suffering and inhumane slaughter towards beings that can't defend themselves. I'm not missing it at, whereas in the past when I stopped eating meat for health reasons alone, I still had major cravings.

    I feel a lot calmer, more present when I stop eating flesh

    My plan now is to just prepare myself for the vassapana meditation course, to make sure I go in with the right frame of mind, because it's not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination, so I will ensue to meditate as long as I can each day when I have the free time. I will not look at porn,escorts, or mb for as long as I possibly can

    And fast as much as I can and of course do some introspection work when I can.
     
  15. Fry

    Fry Guest

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Great stuff Metal. You've come a long way and improved a lot.
     
  16. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Thanks Fry, appreciate the comment

    Day 3 Introspection

    Well it's three days, but it has been hard to stay clean, as peeked a bit but resisted over going the edge. The weather has been good, I love when the sun is out, it makes me feel so good to be alive. The last two days I've been appreciating the things I have in this life, the choices I have, and the intelligence I've been gifted with to see certain things for what they are. I know what needs to be done, I just need the courage, will and determination to see it all through.

    The last month or so all I've been doing is focusing on the negative, thinking about things which I don't have instead of working with what I do have and building on it. Too busy thinking too much into the future, planning what I can there in the future instead of focusing on what I can do today. So I have to be more grounded, more humble instead of thinking with my ego and pride. Wanting to be the big man all the time is silly and childish. I'm still aiming for wealth but it doesn't mean I have to be an egoist and define myself through materials. It is simply for external freedom, away from dependence from this system, to be able to create my own reality so I can use it as a frame to help influence others to grow.

    I want to reach de programme my mind from all the conditioning, all the pain, heartache and suffering and reach a higher state of conciousness that is not reactionary and not governed by impulses and negative thoughts. I don't want a superficial life that is presented only on the surface, I want connection, reality and knowledge - real knowledge, not lifeless academic studious intellectualism knowledge of data, statistics and case studies. I want to live by the quote which I truly believe in which says “Man know thyself; then thou shalt know the Universe and the Gods.” Pythagora
     
  17. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Day 6 Ending lust and fantasy

    I've completely gone to war with myself, in the sense that I am not entertaining any sexual thoughts, or fantasises from moment to moment. When I'm out on the street, I do not look at women, AT ALL. There can be no excuses for any lustful thought, I realise the day to day rumination of sex ; wanting, thinking others are getting loads, is what keeps bring me down to hell. So I completely focused on doing what I am doing, i.e not what anyone else is doing or looking like on the street. i do not care anymore, except eliminating this addiction now. I've been too soft with myself, willing to accept failure but now the kid gloves are off and it's strict discipline at every moment.

    I've got three rules for myself, no meat, no narcotics, no sexual thoughts, no mass media, or forums for idle distraction, just business, health and spirituality are the only things deserving of my focus and attention.

    I will only update this journal once or twice a week because I do want me to be on the internet for long unless there is a purpose i.e doing work.
     
  18. Fry

    Fry Guest

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Extreme times require extreme measures. I hate this obsession with sex, lust, pleasure. It gets us nowhere in life. It's just a waste of time and makes us unhappy.
     
  19. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Day 7

    I'm not in flatline but had no urges or repeating compulsive thoughts urging me to peek or have a toke on a e-cig since I've made it my mission to eliminate in my mind all sexual thoughts as soon as they arise. I'm taking it very seriously that I don't look at any women below the head and thats the ones that are attractive. The rest I don't even look at. As a result, I'm finding myself more in the present moment and then at the end of the day it's very easy to get past the initial beta wave of meditation into the deeper relaxation without incessant thoughts of pointless things I saw during the day.

    I can't believe I didn't take this approach seriously before since it's so obvious that fantasy is the root of the problem here. Fantasy and entertaining erroneous thoughts which fester up inside the mind to build tension and frustration that inevitably leads to acting out.

    For the first time in a long time, I feel clear minded and truly confident within myself, since I'm not using mental energy worrying about what anyone else is doing, or reading bs news that stimulates all sorts of negative emotions and distortions of our world view and perception of ourselves in relation to it.

    The last few days since I've adopted this mindset I've managed to learn how to ferment my own foods, learn 3 new vegan recipes and get back into reading and not have to keep going over the same line/page because my concentration is all over the place.

    So I'm very optimistic about this run. The plan is to do 3 months strict behavioural and dietary modularities in order to help regenerate myself. It's taken a while to get everything together. But the fermented foods was the last piece of the puzzle that I needed to learn since I needed to heal my gut wall since I have leaky gut and mild yeast overgrowth.

    Vegan diet. Fermented foods, chinese herbs, FIR saunas, chelation therapy (amalgam removal which I've finally had done) and of course exercises of all kinds. Those are the programs I said I was going to do from earlier this September and now I feel confident of synthesising it all together. The most important thing that was missing was the elimination of fantasy and getting drawn into lustful modes of thinking throughout the day, which I now believe was leading me on to relapse from the build up of subconscious cravings and frustrations.
     
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: In The Heart Of Madness Awakening the Dragon Within

    Sounds like you're doing well man. The one piece of advice I may offer is not to get too caught up in the extreme goals and procedures.

    Now remember, this is coming from a guy who's used THOUSANDS of dollars worth of herbs, vitamins, supplements, etc. You should see my kitchen cabinet - my guess is I've spent $10,000 on this shit over the last five years.

    The fundamental problem is as human's we're just never satisfied. We'll visit one prostitute, finish up and then want to fuck another as soon as we're done. This pattern and pathway to excess also exists in our journey towards self-improvement... until we either get frustrated, give up and/or convince ourselves what we're doing is not enough and we need more... something new and better than the last thing we thought was the missing piece to the puzzle. We never reach the goal because the goal post keeps changing.

    There's nothing wrong with herbs, qigong, a vegan diet, etc... they're just tools in the toolbox. In the most respectful way possible, I think we may become victims of our own daydreaming, planning ahead for some time in the future when we're super human because we've done ABC and no longer do XYZ. Does that time ever real come though? Or do we just stay in a perpetual cycle of thinking we need one more piece to finally become whole?

    I'm reminded of this quote - "Sometimes it's best to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

    Spend more time enjoying the ride. You've already come a long way my friend.
     

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