In Search of Lost Calm

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Thelongwayhome27, Sep 24, 2017.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I broke a rule to myself the other day when I posted I will allow myself masturbation. The thing is I should not post such stuff when I am right after a relapse. They come from the confusion that follows. When my mind is wrestling to find an explanation.

    And .... I'm going to break it again.

    I do have to understand where to place the notion of masturbation, if I am unable to meet a woman. But ...

    On the other hand ... why should I not meet a woman ? Why should I even take this type of thinking ?

    Okay ...

    Porn is off the table. Fuck porn. Porn will only keep me in my lowered state.

    Masturbation, I will do my best not to do it. There will be no mandatory regimen to masturbate. I will put all my powers into becoming my stronger version of myself and finding a partner in real life. If I do masturbate then so be it. Better then porn. But I will try not to.

    There is clear evidence that I become a better and stronger me when I stick to the basics of not going for instant gratification. Yes, I somehow feel I am 100 000 miles away from taking that jump to ask a girl out. But I have to keep trying. If I go back to the porn regimen I may never ask her out. I'll just go slower and slower down a hole where society has won and all my personal power that could have been has been sapped into a pool of sapless nothing.

    Why sap away when I can still shine and exhort a firm Yes to life and all things ?

    "Chimp in state of nature never jerks off, but in captivity he does, wat does this mean? In state of nature he’s too busy, to put plainly. He is concerned with mastering space: solving problem of life in and under trees, mastering what tools he can, mastering social relations in the jockeying for power and status. Deprived of this drive to development and self-increase he devolves to pointless masturbation, in captivity, where he senses he is in owned space and therefore the futility of all his efforts and all his actions. The onanism of modern society is connected with its supposed “hyper-sexualization” and its infertility. It’s not really hyper-sexualization, but the devolution of the spirit to the lassitude of a diffuse and weak sexuality."

    --- Bronze Age Mindset by Bronze Age Pervert

    It has been a while that I have not read a passage that so well explained what I see myself. Yes the relationships between the sexes today are fucked. Yes I think it may be too late and as a species we are beyond doomed. But. If I just resolve to porn and to masturbation I have given up. I can still do all that is in my power to be at my best and still enjoy what is to be enjoyed. A good relationship is still possible. Courtship is fucked. Society is an incredible mess. It's extremely depressing. But there are still some rays of light out there. Might as well be my best and go get them, before everything crumbles.

    To a New Try.

    @forlorn - Thank you for the booze encouragement. Yes I am quite proud and happy of that. I owe this to some folks on here who have helped me see this is the good path for me again. I have some ideas where my problems have arose from, of what factors may have caused them. Namely my parents had some issues. They were stressed, perhaps a bit immature. Probably had some issues from they're own childhoods. Dad was kind of controlling of me and over critical (though maybe I am judging him unfairly). I was a sensitive kid who believed them about everything. Mom was a little bit physically absent, I had to tell her to come stay with me at night in bed but she would only stay two minutes with a watch (though maybe I am judging her unfairly). Then I also grew much later then other boys. I felt girls though I was a little child. Though in truth I desired them sexually to great lengths. I was naive, sensitive and prideful. I grew up later on, but by then I became full of social anxiety, lack of self esteem, then I discovered alcohol's capacity to make me feel cool and then the weed. The porn before that. The wildness. The madness. The decay. How lost I became. My current therapist doesn't really take the approach of going back on things much. He's more present focused. I don't know what to make of it at this point.
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2019
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  2. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    You remind me of myself in many ways. The way you were naive and anxious, your sensitivity, the low self esteem, the escape into weed and booze.

    On the one hand I can see the value of your therapist being present focused. After all, we live in the here and now and the past cannot be changed. However I still think it can be useful to look back at our childhood, as often that's where trauma lies. The things you've said about your parents are most likely valid. If they got certain things wrong as parents it doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them human. I can see why your mother sitting by your bedside setting a timer to 2 minutes could have been a source of pain to you. She's meant to be the person who nurtures and cares for you the most yet she's only willing to give you a limited portion of her time. To your child brain it could have felt like a form of abandonment.
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  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your slip and hope you got back up again. As I've experienced lately and in fact am still experiencing these slips can 'happen' when you least expect them and it's not always easy to get back up again. As for what you wrote about masturbation: I think decissions like those should be made when you are stable and that masturbation should probably not be part of your plan when you have just slipped. In theory porn and masturbation might be two different things, but especially at a time when you have serious trouble with urges and fantasies it is a very slippery slope.
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  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for dropping by @forlorn. I completely agree and I guess ideally that's where we need to get to, with our parents. Perhaps in some cases it's tougher then in others. I would think looking back and figuring out what happened and sort of forgiving yourself (and perhaps "them") is part of the healing journey. It's weird there are phases when I'm much angrier towards my parents but right now I let them be, try to be respectful, but I'm careful not to let them drag me in an unhealthy pattern. I know that if I make the mistake of letting them do that, I will then feel more resentment towards them. Family is so complex ! ... So by learning proper boundaries, it's actually beneficial for the relationship (I think and hope). Also, yeah I agree looking back is important and essential. I've done my fair share of "inner child" work. Probably still a lot to work on. On the other hand I'm also attentive to maintain a balance and not to fall too far in a victim mentality. It's seems to be a fine line to walk at times.

    @Living - Hey thanks for the support man ! Yeah, I try not to post "big decisions" right after I slip but sometimes I can't hold it. I think it's a way to cope with the difficult emotions, the confusion/disappointment. I think I was angry I couldn't handle the pent up urges and decided, after I relapsed, that if I don't masturbate there will come a time when those urges will be too strong. Maybe I'm wrong about this. But I'm still trying to get to a place where I see porn as the essential element to take off the table.
  5. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Well I’m back at a week without porn, which is great. I am feeling much livelier and with energy then I did after the three-day usage of porn I had last week (of which 2 days were binge sessions). I feel how my libido is up again, energy as well. Hell, I’m not happy or anything, but I feel calm and stable enough. It’s not like that depression that follows a relapse. Then again, is it depression because I fail at a goal I set myself (not to watch porn) or is it really biological (YBOP, etc.). Probably a mix of both.

    I also haven’t masturbated for a week (tonight will be a week actually).

    Some fetish fantasies were back today. Dealable enough. I know more will come.

    I’m going to have more free time for what remains of the year, which will be both awesome and a challenge. With free time and less urgent responsibilities I could go off on a degenerate lifestyle. Which would be a mistake. On the other hand, I can use the time to really take care of myself, work out, think about my life, engage in hobbies, maybe socialize (this would be good), sleep well, etc.

    I’ve been having a bit of an ideological crisis as of late. I’ve been reading more Nietzschean type of philosophy/thinking – which talks of “strong” and “weak” rather then “good” and “bad” (this is a bit caricatural). It is very life affirming, which I like – on the other hand I am worried it can attack at foundations such as “self compassion”, “self kindness” not falling in “inner perfectionism”. So basically, these days, I’m trying to see how I can adopt a more “warrior mindset” but in the same time, in a mature and humble way. Not one which will be me trying to be someone I’m not. But this ties in well with my issues of not being assertive and so on. On the other hand, I also don’t want to become “arrogant”. This is not only probably wrong, but also dangerous. Maybe I’m simply confused these days. We shall see.

    I’ve also decided to take on a more disciplined lifestyle for the next weeks, especially with more free time. I have been careful with sleeping well and at regular hours, actually taking cold(er) showers – more to come here, I am motivated – being physically active, cleaning my apartment (more improvement needed here), daily meditation.
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  6. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    You should not hesitate any second and read this book.

    Maybe, you can think of an achievable goal for that period of time. Something that interests you. Perhaps learn 2-3 new meals to cook? Pick up a good habit again?

    Protip for the clean apartment: Invite someone at least once per week. Me personally, I am very embarrassed if someone visits me and my apartment is not tidy. Having regular guests is a little trick for me to always keep my flat clean or at least clean enough to make presentable in under an hour.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  7. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    " never stop reaching for your goal"

    Nice post Pete, that sentence resonated within me. I agree, when you stop reaching for a goal you'll fall back into old - bad!- habits. As a porn addict you'll relapse one day if you don't catch up again.

    Tlwh I think you got side tracked by the relapse but your thoughts on 'Why should I not meet a woman?'. Honestly I feel the same way, but our habits move us towards porn and not towards connecting with females. This is something that I noticed the last week; my last relapse was a combination of small triggers (stress, anxiety towards the future, poor self care and so on), ignited by a deep feeling of loneliness and/or a lack of female companionship.
    Yesterday, the light version of my final relapse. Wet dream, tiredness, stress, anxiety, loneliness.. yet because I was able to make some good decisions last week I had a minor slip (browsing porn) and not a relapse.

    Ha Pete I love your way of house keeping. In Dutch we say 'unknown eyes compel', being around people makes you act differently ( thus cleaning your house). My family shares your vision yet I think it is another trick of self delusion. You should make it a routine!
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  8. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I do not see anything delusional about this. Many of us live alone and this is regarded "normal" in today's world. But we are highly social creatures, who by nature and originally lived together in tribes and shared places. Therefore, of course you act differently when you are alone, we all do it, but in my opinion there is nothing wrong or delusional about it. And just to be clear, I'm not a pedantic freak with a mania for cleaning, my flat is not 'picco bello', it's just that I want to feel comfortable and I want my guests to feel comfortable in my home. That is basically it.

    I really don't want to derail this journal, but in the beginning of the year, when I had the hunch that my reboot could finally yield fruit, I recognized that I did not feel comfortable in my flat at all and it was not fit for having girls over. I had been living on my own for so long and I had been highly depressed for more than three years, that I had arranged myself with my subpar living situation. It was only when I mapped out a plan to have date, have somebody over and sex again after around 70-80 clean days that I started recognizing that I do not really feel comfortable in my flat. Hence, I started to completely rearranging my flat, declutter it and get new furniture. And while I was at it, why not do a splendid than an ok job?! Now, I feel really well in my flat and I like living here. And I started having friends, family, and my partner over again so that's always a good reason to tidy my flat when that happens. I imagine it to be also respectful towards my guests. Really nothing wrong with that.

    Moreover, I guess, it can be also a challenging excercise for us porn users to have people over in our porn caves. Not having used porn in morer than a year, I can safely say, that I wouldn't break a sweat, if somebody wanted to use my phone, my computer or take a close look in my drawers. It is an absolutely liberating feeling, I can tell you that. My partner has been in my flat for several hours on her own and I didn't stress me at all. Compare that to my situation from a year ago, something like that wouldn't have been possible in any thinkable way. There you have the two magical words again: Authenticity & Integrity.

    Lastly, to forge a bridge to 'Mens sana in corpore sano', and because I think it's always important to look at our situations holistically, if the mind profits from a healthy body in order to be sane, I firmly believe that both the mind and the body benefit immensely from a homely surrounding that we live in, that we spend our leisure time in, and that is our (safe) haven we can resort to.

    Take care!
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  9. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Derail all you want ! Especially when it's with posts and ideas such as these :)
    I couldn't agree more with this philosophy and it's quite inspiring. I don't want to be a "maniacal neat freak" (OCD) but I think having a clean enough place is an important thing. Personally I think it's true that a person's home can be seen as the extension of his body and it makes sense just like it does to keep your body healthy, to keep your place tidy enough and in a way that one likes it. I think this is why when you see a junkies place it's often a mess, it's an extension of his inner world (I don't mean to judge, I'm just saying this can often be the case). I can see myself how when I live better, my place looks better and when I go off a tangent (which thankfully hasn't happened as much anymore), the place becomes a mess, reflecting that tangent. So basically I think Jordon Peterson is on to something when he tells people who wanna get there stuff together to "clean they're room". It's also a great way to see our own self efficacy in action, our capacity to bend the universe around us (in a good way). Perhaps for an addict, or ex addict, cleaning one's room takes on even more importance than the regular joe/jane.

    Getting my place in order is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I don't live in filth, but it has this "temporary" look to it. Like many decisions are being procrastinated. It can definitely be put in order a bit more, and it would be nicer. As my life is getting more organized, though, I am more and more doing this. But there is more to do on this front. For example so many old clothes I just can't throw away and that are cluttering my closets.

    As for calling people over as a tip to get me going that's a really good idea. I have to admit, though, I almost never ever have someone at my place. Mostly because of my social anxiety - actually, more so because I don't have many deeper bonds/friendships these days. It's not something I do naturally. But I would suppose that this would be the kind of thing I would do more if I "heal". It would be a great goal for me to tidy my place up a bit and work towards having someone over sometime. It would be a nice indication of recovery.
    Maybe I can make it my project for the next few weeks to really try to organize/clean my place more.
    I will make sure to read GSP's book. Thanks for the suggestion !

    Yeah, there are a myriad of details before the actual porn relapse. That's only the tip of the iceberg. It's fixing all the details that bring that moment that I think recovery is about. Gradually learning to do that. It's doing the basics to get ourselves to a certain level (rested, balanced, relaxed, abstinent) and then from that place to start slowly chipping away at the comfort zone, or working on what's beneath the addiction if possible (old wounds, traumas). And as we do that I think the momentum in the "right" direction builds and self reinforces. Even if we (still) slip occasionally.

    What also has been a big realization for me with this last relapse is just how clearly it is that porn for me is a way to throw away my sexual power. I don't want to throw my natural sexual drive and libido in porn anymore. I wanna get to a place in my life where I can invest it in a better way.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2019
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  10. Jonh Gaarg

    Jonh Gaarg New Member

    hmmm really the right place to search :) I don't know if this will help you, but I've used essay writing services. Here's an overview / on service, which used I. If this fits your principles, then this is a quite good service.
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2019
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  11. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    There's a lot of talk about amazing 0s and sex power in the forums, which isn't for me personally. However, your sentiment here was really great for me. PMO was an act of shame for me. It's not self-care, but me telling myself I am not worthy of anything else. I am not worthy of human connection.
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  12. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    Are you taking anything for the social anxiety? Pharmaceutical or otherwise. Is it just social or are you in general really anxious?
    I'm the latter, and for so long I thought just being around people makes it better, but it never really goes away and if I'm honest with myself the social anxiety is just an extension of the fact I am a spaz in general, like tweek from south park. I've been this way ever since I was a little kid, so I'm pretty sure it's physiological. I've not been willing to use SSRI's because of all the accounts of people not regaining sexual function even after cessation of drug use. I've tried Wellbutrin but that gave me more anxiety and made me foggy mentally.

    The best things I've found so far:
    NAC - pretty much the best IMO. it's a precursor to glutathione, which is a master antioxidant, which makes it plausible that one cause of my anxiety is inflammation. Studies also show it makes users less compulsive.
    Theanine - works alright I guess. I don't even use this stuff anymore, so that really gets to the fact I haven't found much that works.
    B vitamins
    No gluten, dairy, cheap sugary crap. I find diet really important for how I feel mentally but then there are millions who shovel shit down their throats and swear they feel fantastic, so who knows.

    I've tried lots of nootropics (racetams, phenibut, uridine etc) but haven't noticed much of anything. I'm always buying (wasting money) on new stuff, 95% doesn't do anything.
    At one time I had a prescription for oral hydrocortisone, it's the one miracle product I've taken in my life, but good luck getting a prescription.

    This is my life chain of events:
    Social anxiety/anxiety ---> Avoid socializing --->Do boring things/hang with people doing same old shit ---> need to drink alcohol, make less boring, make anxiety go away ---> alcohol causes porn relapse.
    If I could somehow cut the head off that snake, the other problems cease to exist. I'd imagine many others on here are in somewhat the same situation.
  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    @MissingSelfCompassion - Nice to see you again MSC. I agree shame is a big part of it. But, at least for me, I think there is more then just me telling myself, when I end up acting out, that I am not worthy of a human connection. There is also me looking for that human connection in the wrong places. Because I am yet to learn how to find it in the right places. Part of this addiction is legit and it's about redirecting the legit part in a healthier place. Also, by sexual power I mean the sexual energy we have as sexual beings. It flows in us and I think we are happier when we learn how to use that energy in a healthier way rather then in a self destructive way. Kind of like how binge eaters can (re)learn to eat healthy.

    @Doper - I am a generally anxious person but social anxiety/over worrying is the most "precise" form that my anxiety takes. I don't think I had it as a kid so I think it was learned. I see it as a combo of genetics and life experiences. In a way, it's like our nervous systems are now "burnt out" as a result of our life experiences. And our task is to try to repair it, if that is possible. I have not taken SSRIs yet, I'm still trying to fix my issues as naturally as possible. What gives me hope is that I can see how a lifestyle change can make such a difference. And I do have some control over the lifestyle I choose to have. I agree some people seem to be able to live an undisciplined life, eat whatever, and they still manage fine. They have a different nervous system then us. And in time even to them that lifestyle will use them up, I think. Diet, sleep, exercise make such a difference, if done with consistence, in my opinion. I mean, look, sure I'll still have social anxiety at times even when I live the "right way" but I have no control over that. Best I can do is put myself in the best possible position and work on what I can from there. Chip at it. On the other hand I have experienced also how messed up I can get when I live in an undisciplined way. As I got older, I've had such ugly panic attacks (or states of anxious despair) after drinking days, it's hard to explain. I almost had to run out of a building once, when I was hungover one morning. If, on the other hand, I make the choice of living healthy - things aren't perfect and I'll hit a plateau where I'll need to chip away - but at least I'm trying and I'm not putting myself in those panic attacks territories where there isn't much of a point left. Anyhow, thanks for those supplements and medication infos. I have taken B complexes, some omega complex - and they seem to have helped. Right now I've stopped, cause I'm too poor to buy more .... Magnesium also seems to have helped me, though I didn't take much of it. I'm sure many of these can help, if one does his research and experiments with them. But try to do as much as you can naturally : the three basics of sleep, diet and exercise and then stay away from the bad stuff : smoking, drugs, drinking a lot, porn. I guess you know meditation can help as well. We are in this together dude.
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  14. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I’m doing okay overall. I have more free time on my hands now. There is a pretty big decision I need to make and although I am quite sure of what I will decide, I am still kind of procrastinating on telling myself which way I’ll go about this one. I think that is why, although I have time off right now, I have this kind of uneasy feeling in the background, like some tension and a difficulty in relaxing and enjoying some leisure time. For example, I often feel a bit stressed even if I give myself time to watch a movie or finally have more time to read. I have this sensation that there is something important to do or take care of.

    Despite the time off, I have kept up the healthy routine and, physically, I feel rested and balanced. So despite the tension I mentioned, I do feel okay, even emotionally.

    I’ve had a more “formal” social event some time ago, and I have to admit I was quite inhibited during that event. I did make some efforts like talking to some girls, but I still felt very “repressed” and “on guard” and basically, I came back home tired. But I guess this is the way these things are for me, at this point. At least I didn’t use alcohol and I went instead of avoiding the event.

    Right now, I feel like I’m at that point where the good habits bring me to a certain level of healthy (physical, emotional, psychological) but there is the next level to crack. Like I still find I have no idea how to practically get to the next phase of meeting a girl. I have ideas but I find ways to refute most of them.

    On the other hand, I am about 18 days without porn and 17 days without masturbation. This is when I feel my libido is quite strong. I always have a “horny phase” after 17 days off orgasm. This is a place I used to relapse at quite often when I was learning how to live without porn. Hell, I may come back tomorrow and post I relapsed. Anyways, what I mean is that I feel genuine need for sexual intimacy with a woman right now, but I am not able to get it. Maybe this is when I need to bust a nut. Because with this tension, there is often a return of my fetishes. And those are the ones that usually add up to get me to relapse in the behaviors I want to let go of.
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  15. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Good observation, I can relate to this. Ultimately there will always be things to do, some more important than others but it's important to take the time to try to relax. Maybe one way to reduce this anxiety is to be as productive as possible for a few hours. Get past the procrastination and do the things you were meant to do, then perhaps they won't play on your mind as much when you're watching TV.
  16. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    (P)MO is indeed a habit that destroys human connection. I see that now.
    The orgasm is something that sooths your Ego but doesn't construct anything positive on the long term.

    Not giving in to the desire let's me observe my train of thoughts, feelings and action and something I derail and I browse porn. I can't masturbate because it's so fake, so unconnected.

    And I crawl back into reality. Not ashamed but repulsed. I can't say why or how, but I know this journey has allowed me to become resilient to these Egocentric vibes.

    I think that's why nofap is so valuable. I've become neutral again. No shame. And self connected.
  17. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    @forlorn - Thanks for the tip! That's not a bad idea, especially for days off. Get the stuff done in a boost of energy in the earlier part of the day and, later on, have less of that nagging feeling that "there is something to do". I'll try to give this a shot for the Holidays (when I have free days for myself). I think what is bothering me, more so, is a decision I need to make. I have realized though that I have to accept feeling this nagging tension since I can't completely decide just yet. I think it was good that I was able to connect how not making the decision is one of the factors that is not letting me relax as much as I thought I would during my time off.

    @Rengaw - In my last relapse I realized once more how porn is a false promise that isn't worth it. I had a big adrenaline rush of pleasure when I finally gave in to the urge I had been battling for the last few hours (before relapsing) - but that adrenaline rush lasted about 20 seconds. Then it was that feeling of more and more desire that can be less and less satisfied (like salt on a wound). I needed more and more and there was no satisfaction. I also felt like with that intense rush of pleasure it was as if I had burned up all the "dopamine" I had saved up from the prior 34 days of sexual sobriety (it's like I threw away all my sexual energy at that point). It felt like I was this guy who worked diligently for a few weeks at a full time job, making money with his sweat - saving up in the bank. And then going to the casino and blowing it all up in one bet. Or going on a drinking binge and loosing it all in one shot. Instead of investing it in better places. This being said, do you think an orgasm with a woman is a waste ? When we share an orgasm with a woman we love or care about, isn't that constructive ? Isn't that a profound spiritual experience ?
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  18. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    That's exactly what hydrocortisone heals, when your adrenals have been damaged by too much stress, shift work, alcoholism, drugs, unhealthy lifestyle etc. They are no longer able to supply enough cortisol. Hydrocortisone is exogenous cortisol so it allows your adrenals to rest. This is my understanding. If you take too much you can shut down endogenous production, just like taking any hormone, but I was taking amounts that my doctor said "be careful"(he was a cool fuckin doctor), and I came off after it was no longer needed and had no problems it was incredible. If one feels "wired but tired" that is a classic symptom of adrenal insufficiency. I was tired all the time, you could come up behind me and tap me on the shoulder and I would jump out of my skin in fear (definite symptom), and insane salt craving and lots of other shit. I started taking it and those symptoms all went away, and I no longer needed it. Now I'm back with those symptoms again. Some would say they are subjective, but the salt thing is telling because when you go from eating all the salt you can get your hands on, then it goes away and I don't care much for salt at all and then it comes back again, that's pretty telling when that is a major symptom. Anyway. I'm just a real big proponent of Hormone replacement therapy and hydrocortisone in particular, because it was a miracle. You go to the majority of doctors, I don't think they even believe adrenal insufficiency is a real thing, other than extreme situations like removal or cancer of that gland. I don't think I can find a doctor to prescribe it at this time.
    I get really bad anxiety for days after binge drinking once, I used to drink 8+ drinks every day and didn't have a problem, I think this is the cause.
    But I'd try some NAC man, as supplements go it's not expensive, and any chance buy supplements in powder form it's about 1/10th the price. Most supplements in powder form you can get a year supply for about $10-$15, if not less. The sad thing is no matter how much you pay or which company you go with, it's virtually all coming from China.
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  19. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    @Doper - Yeah, I know that feeling of being jumpy yet tired at the same time. I have it in social contexts that drain me. Some explain this with ADHD, some with Trauma, complex PTSD, etc. In any case, what makes me say the "nervous system is burned" is that I get to this point quite soon in these contextes, even if I am rested before and all that. It's just quite intense. I looked up NAC and it's supposed to help with certain psychotic tendencies (OCD, anxiety, addictive behavior). Is it completely natural ? Maybe I'll give it a shot at some point, I'll keep it in mind if it's a natural supplement, so thanks for the tip. What about natural remedies, such as healthy habits ? How far have you gone with those ? Do you feel more regulated and balanced when you are able to sleep, eat, diet well ? And when you abstain from alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, porn ? Alcohol in particular I think it's important we let go of it. It's hard because it's the one that is socially endorsed the most and we think we can moderate it. I think for guys like us who are trying to repair ourselves (and stay off porn), staying off the alcohol completely is a wise choice (last summer I played with moderation and the experience wasn't conclusive, I just got hammered many times and it didn't help me socially that much, it was just a pretext). In my case I can definitely see how my nervous system becomes better when I do this (I wrote about my method of staying balanced naturally, if you are interested, in post # 473 on page 24 of my journal). It seems to be when I try to break the "next level", when I try to get out of my comfort zone and face my fears (e.g. improving with women) that it gets trickier to regulate my emotions, to not let the ups and downs overwhelm me and make me lose my perspective and clarity. Maybe that's where supplements could help. See, a simple thing such as remembering one has to accept being really bad at something before getting good at it, is hard to remember, in the storm of emotions when one ventures out of the comfort zone.
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Often it is more '....thinking to be really bad at something before realizing to be actually quite good at it ....'.

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