I'm tired of me

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Ant80onio, May 22, 2023.

  1. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    Okay so this is my first post.
    I'm 20 years old I started to PMO since I was around 12 or 13. Every single day I thought It was normal. And some days I have done it 3 or 4 times in a day. In the last two years I had started to watch more heavy porn to get a boner. I was a virgin until last year when I decided to use grindr, in order to feel something different, I didn't work in the way I wanted. I barely have sensitivity and cant get a firm boner. I got worse, and kinda got addicted to hookups. I think after grindr, I had worse boners, I messed up my self-esteem a lot.
    I feel so depressed, frustrated when I tried to hookups with guys in the last year, even I felt horny with the guy I couldn't get a boner and couldn't finish.
    I don't wake up with morning wood since a long time, instead I woke up and directly MO before get up. This had make me be late to anywhere I need to go because first I felt the urge to MO and watch porn for more than a hour. I have spent 1 or 2 hours per day whatchin porn, edging was normal to me
    But I'm tired, I had fell in love with someone and I want to make him feel satisfied with me, I want to make him feel how much I love him.
    So I decided to stop MO now. I'm tired of myself I can't do anything. I had tried a lot of times stop this addcition but now im decided to overcome this. I can do it, i believe in me. Everytime I have tried I fail. But I'm still think I can do it.
    My maximum had been 4 days without PMO, BUT now imma start this journal, because I had read over here that it helps a lot, so I'm trying this now.
  2. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    So... day 3 without P but I had MO, I was reading the NoFap book and I wanted to now if I have PIED. I managed to get to the clímax only using my imagination, good news I guess?
    Still I didn't watch Porn so I keep trying, that was the last time MO for real

    Ughhh... I can do this!!!
  3. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Hi Ant80onio,

    Welcome to the site. I made lots of suggestions for Burnt Tao when he joined recently. You can find them by putting Burnt Tao into the search box,
    and then you will see the thread.

    I strongly suggest that you get a recovery partner to whom you are accountable. I can tell you how to do this if you ask.
    You should ask on this site for someone of roughly your age and the same sexual orientation.

    I have corresponded with my recovery partner every day since starting out, and I would not have got so far with his

    Have you read Cruise Control, a book written especially for gay men? It's go0d and you should read it if you haven't.

    One useful tip. In preferences under your account tick the box so that replies to your posts come into your email.
    You remain anonymous and your email address is not revealed.
    Ant80onio likes this.
  4. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Here are the instructions on opening a conversation with a recovery partner:

    Go to your account. Under conversations, click on start a new conversation.
    Give the conversation a title
    Put both of you down as the people in the conversation.
    Decide if you want it to be just between the two of you.
    If so, click on the lower button to say that the conversation is closed.

    Once you have written what you wanted to say (just the same as posting) send it.
    The reply button is at the bottom right of the post you send (in small blue writing)
    and so the other person can use this to reply.
    After that you both post and don't need to use the reply function

    I write to my recovery / accountabiliity partner each day, and we both find it really helpful.
    When we started the conversation we told each other our real first names.

    Alternatively, if you don't mind the loss of anonymity, you can use the accountability
    tool (the last on the home page) and talk by Skype, phone or email. But your email
    address will give your real name (if you use gmail).

    I decided that I preferred to keep my anonymity and so use the conversation tool.
    You can also open conversations with anyone else on this site that you are following.

    One tip: all of us on this site have become addicted to PMO, and we have covered up and lied
    to our family, friends and partners (married or not, gay or straight). Having a recovery
    partner means that you now have to be totally honest, however embarrassing the revelations.
    It is this trust that allows you to solve problems together if and when things get difficult.
    Ant80onio likes this.
  5. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    Day 4 without P and I kinda feel anxious. I'm trying to fight this feeling, maybe I'm gonna play games to kill some time till I get sleepy. Or read something or maybe just go to bed idk. I'm feeling anxious but I'm trying this ughhh
  6. DBA

    DBA Active Member


    Have you seen the two pieces I wrote in the conversation Thanks today?
    Hope they are helpful.
    Ant80onio likes this.
  7. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Hi Ant80onio,

    How are you doing? Would be good to hear from you in the conversation.
    Ant80onio likes this.
  8. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    I lost the count of the day lol. Day 4/5?
    Idk this is hard af, I'm not gonna lie I have been M without ending, but no watching P at all. Most thinking in my boyfriend, that's good isn't it? I mean, idk I love him and that's make me think about him most of the day.
    Also im quitting using my phone, the other day I just wanted to scroll on Facebook, and guess what? Uncensored P appears on my feed! I mean wtf!? I was doing good and then that appears, I immediately turn off my phone and put it away. And went to clean the house to stop thinking about that.
    Also, I've been picking a bit watching P for like some seconds when masturbating. I can't help myself. Still I'm not finishing so idk this is hard.

    I will keep posting.
  9. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    Today it was a horrible day for my rebooting, I had fail. Not one but three times times today. I had watched P and edging. Even though hasn't been for a long periods of time, maybe 10 mins each. I made timers for my apps, so I can avoid using them. Mostly Twitter. Because of my job I really can't close my social media, so that's a problem.
    Anyways, in total is 30-40 mins of PM. I keep avoid to O and I ended just edging this three times. Still had been less time spent on it, and from peaking the other day, I started too look several short videos cause consciously I knew that I had a short time before my phone close the app.
    I got my libido up today, and I couldn't help about it... I tried so hard to avoid watching P, but I couldn't control myself...

    I already failed, didn't I....
    I have to start my counter again. Agh... I'm disappointed of myself.

    Well.. if I have a positive view of this. Is that I haven't O since 6 days ago, and for real... I felt a lot horny today than other days before rebooting, and a lot of feeling to be with my partner. And well, most of the time thinking about him WHILE watching P.
    Also, I didn't watch like hard P more like "vanilla" and avoiding fetishes. Keeping in mind that, none of that is real.

    I think that's why I kinda failed to no watch P.
    Maybe is one of the benefits of no PMO.
    I will keep posting.
    Last edited: May 29, 2023 at 2:44 AM
  10. Ant80onio

    Ant80onio New Member

    I complete 7 days. Well in a way... things are difficult.
    But I'm committed to complete two weeks now, without peaking, no cheats.
    Ugh. I can do this

Share This Page