Im progressing but its slow

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Tennis, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    I'm really trying and have made progress but I want to overcome this. I'm 41 and have been single for nearly 7 years apart from a lot of online dates. Ive deleted my profiles now as I feel that online dating holds me back and sometimes triggers me.
    In the last 6 weeks or so, I've been drinking more water, running a lot, doing some meditation, hardly drinking at all. What sort of other stuff should I be working on?
    I'm naturally a shy person but have had periods in my life where I've come out of myself quite a lot. I do have bouts of social anxiety but had never realised what it was caused by.
    I want become less introverted and more social. I am aware that this will be a gradual process.
    I know I need a regular girlfriend to be happier so I need to up my game in this respect. The most likely places to meet women for are a running lcub which I go to and also dance classes which I used to go to regularly but haven't been to for a while. I am not the sort of person that goes clubbing plus I don't have many single friends of my own age.
     
  2. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    If you stop PMO a lot of the other pieces will fall into place, especially the social issues. Just keep with it and you'll be amazed by how much your life will improve.
     
  3. Re-balanced

    Re-balanced New Member

    Tennis,
    Welcome to YBR. Im also new here trying to make a change..

    I believe in this statement!!!
     
  4. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    I agree with both the above posts and despite relapsing a few times in the last 6 weeks or so there has definitely been progress overall in my life and I'm definitely wasting less time than I used to.
    This forum is a truly inspiring place.
     
  5. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Make every day count Tennis. Just keep moving towards your goal, and shun the things, and people, that keep you from it.

    Welcome to YBR!
     
  6. RainerFoxSign

    RainerFoxSign New Member

    That's a great start!

    How about this: finding something you care passionately about - politics, environment, your neighborhood, some sport or activity (cooking, home or car repairs, reading) - really anything - and getting into a social place around that? You'll be among like-minded men and women, and whether or not you have some cool sparks with some of the latter, you'll be doing what you care about.
     
  7. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hi Tennis

    Welcome. Without PMO blocking you from the world, the social stuff will come naturally. And I mean naturally. You won't even really notice it. You will just suddenly realise that you are much more at easy with people. Dance classes sound great. I always wanted to try that but never did after watching that great Japanese movie about the guy who goes for dance lessons (I think a US version was made with Richard Gere). If not dancing, try yoga if that appeals. Someone here got me on to it and it has been a help. But find out what you like and go from there (it will be easy to know what you like after some time off PMO - I found I did not know myself at all when in the PMO fog).

    Anyway sounds like you are already on the right track already. Just keep at it.
     
  8. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    Thanks for all the advice guys. Another good day over (I'm from the uk). I worked a split shift, managed to do a 5k run at the gym during my break. I've also been doing some 5 minute abs workout off of YouTube.
    Funny, I've had quite a long day but still feel quite fresh.
    mc2013bn - I've done a few hot yoga classes but times they are on at the moment don't really fit into my schedule. I have to say they are tough but worth it and there are lots of hot women there. I'm planning to go again at some point. I recommend them.
    Rainerfoxsign - I agree totally, I'm thinking about doing an adult education course, possibly in psychology, I've also had a golf lesson.
    Sonofjack - thanks, I've been doing that and have been trying to avoid negative people when I can.

    I was reading a book called 'Goals' by Brian Tracy - it is an excellent book. In it he asks the question 'What is the 1 thing that you could do or change that could have the biggest impact on your life.? Which is why I am here.
     
  9. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    I'm doing a dance class tomorrow night so hopefully things will go well and I can make some progress.
     
  10. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Social activity can't hurt.
     
  11. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    Things are going well, I'm in a good place at the moment. I haven't been tempted today even tho I feel a tad tired. Tiredness and boredom are usually what push me over the edge but I'm feeling strong.
     
  12. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Go exercise, it'll wake you up. :)
     
  13. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    284 days seems impossible Lte but is incredibly impressive. Can I ask what differences there are in your life now to 284 days ago?
     
  14. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I'm much more confident, willing to stand up for myself but I find it easier to remain calm. I feel like a real man, perhaps for the first time in my life. My sex drive is not a problem, I just tell it "NO!" and go about my business. No blue-balls, no misery. On the handful of occasions I have experienced sexual arousal from a real world source the erections are impressive to amazing.
     
  15. Re-balanced

    Re-balanced New Member

    Nice, can't wait to be in the triple digits one day!

    Tennis, keep it up bro!
     
  16. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    The benefits accrue gradually with time. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
     
  17. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    Thanks guys, I've pretty much done a week now and things are going ok. Could I do another week? I feel like I can right now so that will be the next target. I've learnt from previous failed attempts and have made a few adjustments.
    I've been doing a bit of running up the gym and my 5k times continue to drop. Is it connected? I'm not sure.
     
  18. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Awesome Tennis! You're finding real, concrete, helpful things to do with yourself. Things you can tell others about. Think of that: you are taking part in activities that you don't have to hide, lie about, or hate yourself for.

    Just keep doing them!
     
  19. RainerFoxSign

    RainerFoxSign New Member

    Definitely awesome, what you're doing sonofJack! Dance class, gym, 5K runs, yoga (agreed about the women in those classes, from occasionally passing a yoga studio on the street here), and even adult education ... It's all good! Thanks for the ideas and inspiration!

    LTE: thanks as well for reminding us what we're trying for, and congratulations once again on putting in the work to get to the great place you're in right now!
     
  20. Tennis

    Tennis Member

    Thanks for the advice guys, it's really helping. I never thought being part of a forum community would make any difference at all but it does. Having read many hundreds of post on here it's amazing to find how many talented, intelligent people there are with similar gremlins.
    Anyway, another day over, and its been a very positive day. I got a lot of things done and I'm still in a good place mentally.
    Tomorrow, I'm with my kids and I'm planning to do another 5k at some point aswell. Sunday nights are always a bit dull where I am but that can't be helped.
     

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