Hi fellas! I started my first journal here at the beginning of 2017 (that time it was in the 'Ages 20-29' category), but I deleted it last year. My previous record with regards to M was around 30 days, so I decided to start my second journal now, on day 31, to document how I break free from my compulsive, addictive behavior. Now it's time to finish what I started back then. I'm 32 (33 within 3 months), addicted to porn for like 20 years, addicted to MO for my entire life (I might I started it at the age of 5-6, I had my first erection pretty early), and having also a long history of drug abuse (alcohol, cigarette, laughing gas, weed, hash, shroom, acid, MDMA, speed, coke, GHB, ketamine, DMT...). Right now I'm P-free for around two and a half months and O-free for one month. However, my current recovery process started at the beginning of this year when I realized for the hundredth time that my identity is really strongly interwoven with drug use (my topics and areas of "expertise", the way I view the world, ways I spend time with my friends, way others think of me...). I haven't used drugs for 10 months (except from one night when we were smoking hash), I quit smoking 4 months ago (after 18 years of chain-smoking), I haven't drunk alcohol for 2 months (except one no-alcohol beer 2 days ago that got me a bit tipsy -- yes, triggers count more than the substance itself) and planning to be alcohol-free for one more month. I limited caffeine (9-10 coffees in the past 2 months) as well as sugar intake (except from 100% fruit juice) lately. Hence, this sense of self-efficacy, the belief that I am able to give up my self-destructive behavior, based on the fact that I could give up other addictions successfully, was the first factor that helped me to start my journey. My body and mind are completely wrecked. I behaved like a real narcissistic, abusive asshole in all of my previous relationships (except the current one), so I have quite a lot of enemies. I have never been a really kind/extroverted guy, so there is no halo-effect to counterbalance the negative opinion others have about me. In the past 8 years, I have lived in 4 different countries (one is my home country), which didn't help in socializing either. Due to the pandemic, I moved back home in March (probably for one more year I'm gonna be here); I believe that being close to my beloved ones was the second factor that gave me the power to start my journey towards sexual liberation. Addiction is always about lacking real bonds in your life, usually social bonds (e.g. having distant parents, having been bullied in school, having rejected by guys/girls...). I have extremely severe ED problems (if I have sex, I always have it with Cialis/Viagra), really serious premature ejaculation (my pelvic muscles get tense as soon as I or others start to stimulate my dick, hence I orgasm really early) for loooong years. I have serious penis shrinkage and severe chronic pain in my pelvic area (maybe because I had a complicated hernia operation when I was 20 and I couldn't skip 3 weeks without orgasming after it). I have had skin problems (rashes, itches...) in my ass and pubic area, I have frequent otitis, I'm neurotic, I have a history of sleeping problems, although, lately this latter got way better. Additionally, in this spring my hair started to fall out in clumps, and an autoimmune process started in my thyroid gland at the same time. Although my hair is still falling out, apparently, with some serious research on Google scholar (I'm a researcher, btw), it seems that I could reverse my thyroid issue (doctors had no clue, they told me that I should have waited until my thyroid gland dies and then start to take thyroid hormones). Nevertheless, it threatened the shit out of me; this threat was the third factor that pushed me towards recovery. I have had different therapies for 7-8 years now with pauses. Most of them were inefficient or just ridiculously bad (especially the last one that was supposed to be a CBT ). I started the current therapy 6 weeks ago (it's rather a psychodynamic/analytic one), and hopefully it will help me go through the toughest and most challenging period of my life. My current goal is being O-free for 20 weeks; it is exactly the time between my last orgasm and my 33rd birthday. I will start to rewire my brain with my gf really soon by paying a lot of attention to not coming close to orgasm. In the past 4 weeks, I was still M-ing without O; it leads to pelvic pain in one hand, and I think it prevents ΔFosB to get flushed out of my brain, so somehow I have to stop it. Here, I will document my journey as well as pasting blog entries from 2017 (because I saved my journal before deleting it). I really hope that I can help you as well in your route towards liberation and that together, we can break out. I have quite a lot of experience/knowledge in behavioral sciences (aka psychology), psychophysiology, as well as in herbs and supplements, so feel free to ask. I know that together we are stronger! Have a wonderful day!