I would have been living a different life

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Antony, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. Antony

    Antony New Member

    Hi all! I'm 33 and have been using porn since I was 14, gradually escalating with time and technology. Usually PMOed once or twice every other day but could edge to rather long sessions. I think my sex life was severely affected during the last 11 years with some symptoms being ED, iron grip, normal girls’ bodies seeming unattractive and feeling nothing inside a vagina with a condom on. Gradually I also started feeling attracted to strippers and prostitutes rather than every day girls and I often even preferred PMO to the real thing.

    Since I am without a job at the moment, I spent a lot of time on the net checking job ads or browsing and I found myself taking longer breaks to relax and checkout new scenes on the porn sites. In the back of my mind I always had the thought that I am spending too much time and energy on P but I never thought of it as something too serious. If I accidentally hadn't stumbled upon YBOP (I don't even remember how I ended up there), my life would probably continue to be full of PMO. Needless to say it blew me away and I identified a part of myself in almost all the stories of the guys that I read. Of course my reduced real world libido and ED finally made sense. I was also struck by the realization that my whole life could have turned out to be different had PMO not robbed me of so much time, energy and my positive attitude for daily activities and chasing real women. It's so ironic that this PMO phenomenon, which is taking the form of a plague in our modern world, has so few people aware of it. This forum should have millions of members (and hopefully one day it will). Personally I also consider myself a screen addict since I spend huge amounts of time watching sports, movies, playing games, browsing etc. and this is something I also have to face.

    I am now at day 22. My first days were rather easy since they coincided with my breaking up with my girlfriend and I was in a gloomy and not very sexual mood. From last week up till now I get urges every day. I sometimes wake up with morning wood and even though I don't get spontaneous erections, I get hard when sexual images of girls enter my brain. The good thing is that these are real girls and I don't really miss the pornstars but my fantasizing scenarios may be porn oriented.

    Because I started M and even had sex before the internet era, I guess my brain is familiar to natural sexual behaviour to some extent. At the moment my goal is to reboot for 90 days, see how things turn out and then maybe go back to M with my own natural fantasies of real people. I can definitely see the harm of P but I don’t see M in the same way. Healthy human fantasy sparks creativity and sometimes I may need to release sexual tension when a partner is not available. This does not mean I intend to turn it into a habit again though,
  2. bosseau

    bosseau Guest

    Hi there - very similar story and age to me so will be following your progress. I am on day 3 of no PMO and day 23 of no MO.

    The reason MO is harmful is due to the draining effect on your body when overdone. As such it will slow down your reboot.
  3. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Also, MO can sometimes lead to teh dreaded chaser effect. As your attorney I advise you to do the full reboot, and then go out and have sex with girls instead of masturbating. If you're anything like me, you've done enough of the latter to last you a lifetime.
  4. Antony

    Antony New Member

    Hi and thx for your comments. I wanted to clarify that in the last paragraph I am talking about M after rebooting is completed. Maybe I will look at things differently in the future but I am not convinced that just occasional M to one's own fantasy is something harmful to a healthy brain.
  5. bosseau

    bosseau Guest

    Yep, make you right on that last point
  6. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Be very careful with the fantasizing. I went down a similar route (Well its about real women so thats ok) and it lead straight to a relapse. Recognize that you are merely acting out the pornography in your mind rather than watching it on a screen. Either one is you sitting alone and enjoying a sexual act that comes without any of the real parts.
  7. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Unreal how many people I can identify with. I only wish I knew this 10 years ago. Blew so many chances with real women to turn to pmo instead. I'm only on day 9. Don't have a lot of cravings but I've been busy. Do notice the fantasies changing to real women but yes there could be a porn theme still underlying all that. Gotta go 90 days or more. No sex even until I'm sure I can get back to where I was 16 years ago. 16 years! Man that is a depressing thought.
  8. waffel

    waffel New Member

    I can't agree more. If I only knew how PMO ruined a big part of my life. We should take our lessons and adjust our behaviour for a brighter tomorrow. Every day I'm experiencing the advantages of a no-pmo period, I get complimented a lot more, girls smile more at me, my self-confidence has been booming too lately. I'm just turning into a different person. Keep it up, I'm rooting for you.
  9. Antony

    Antony New Member

    Day 26. Reading your guys’ journals, posts and comments is really stimulating. I have been thinking about what "unhealthy sexual behaviour" is.

    I haven't PMOed, but yesterday I spent some time chatting with girls on a chat site. Although it was real people maybe having access to so many girls' profiles is overstimulation too.

    Is having naughty sex with your girlfriend, sexting with her, her wearing lingerie etc. unhealthy? Should sex be a 20 minute act each time and that's it?
  10. Antony

    Antony New Member

    Hi! I feel like time started passing rather fast after some point and I am now at day 65 with no PMO. Just some seminude model pics from different sites, TV or advertisements that I could do nothing about and will always be there... And some fantisizing but not with pornstars. Thinking of having sex with the girls that surround me is something I cannot control and to be honest I consider it being a healthy reaction of a sexual being.

    I havent performed intercourse yet but my sexual appetite and errections have been improving with every day and I am optimistic about my sexual future. The thing that worries me most now is that after more than 2 months of no orgasm, my penis is oversensitive and I know I will ejaculate after a few seconds of sexual stimulation. I hope my ED will not turn into PE...
  11. Each one to his own, but for me anything such as light touching, M to physical sensation only, fantasizing about real people, just taking a brief look at soft-core or swimsuit pics, etc. all leads me down the slippery slope towards full-blown PMO relapse. It's all or nothing.

    I was a social nothing all throughout my high school (pre-internet) and university (early 90s, internet just starting) years, resulting in severe approach anxiety. I couldn't even get near any of the hot girls at school because I was always beating off to my fantasies of them and so had built them up as unobtainable goddesses in my mind. They were something to look at, fantasize and M about, but the reality of rejection and their shortcomings would have devastated me.

    Even today, at the age of 37, I'm trying to get into a reboot in the hope that I can approach young hotties before it's too late. I live in an area which may well have the highest concentration of young hot ass of anywhere in the world, but can't approach to save myself. If I wear a suit, it seems to get them turned on and giving subtle non-verbal "it's ok to approach me" signals, but I can't do it. I'm entering this reboot with the hope that it will turn me into a ravenous approach machine.

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