Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Luffy, Mar 28, 2012.
Relapse at day 8
i cant control, miss it
January 1, 2014
relapse again in day 15
Im a totally addict, i try but failed for 3year now.
Try again today start
January 20, 2014 is Day 1 again.
relapse at day 40
In that day i had nothing to do in computer. I finish what i done and my internet connection goes to waste. So maybe download a porn but not watch it. Then think what is the new update in my porn website, there so many updates, so many new. Maybe i download, then after i download it, urge to watch ok, i watch but watch only not touching, no MO.
Thats my mistake, i pumping again my dopamine and never satisfied.
Now try again, download porn to relaxed my brain that porn is just there. But try to not watch it. I try many times, delete all porn. But urge is strong. Maybe just porn there not watch, so if i encounter porn outside, my urge is not strong and escape to it. Try if i succeed.
have you tried MO without the P?
No. I can't do it, the MO. I try it but, it cannot do it anymore now. If i touch w/out P, its flacid. MO is more in imagination. Thats a history to me.
Just day 11, maybe my brain break if i delete my downloading porn. Its not fishished downloading, only half of it is done. So cant watch it, keep saying its just there, lying there the porn, but not watching. Keep thingking like 'My porn girlfriend, we never break-up, she just went abroad and we just not seeing for a meantime.' maybe oneday i forget her if im not seeing her. Maybe one day when i have No pmo for 100 day. I can easily delete my porn in my computer.
I try earlier, delete all my porn on computer, but after 50 day, something that back again.
day 12 i relapse.
In my work, the job i do is badly done, or failure to do the job done. My boss was scolded me, angry for my failure to do the job done. He said "i have no use to you, why i had hire you, you cannot do the job. You do not know how this is done. Youre stupid man." So other man pick him up to do that job, and i depress for that and go home. And thinking watch porn to ease my loneliness, thats im good at, pmo thing. Finish my download. After i finish pmo, im back to myself again. Delete all porn in my computer again, the website. No more porn again in my computer for now. Start reboot again.
No more porn in my computer, i had delete it all. (files, download, bookmark)
Withdrawal period must i handle it.
So far to my target day. Im thingking maybe saving my stash, but thats not good. I feel lonely that the porn that i cannot see them anymore the update of it. Withdrawal stuck me now.
Luffy, if you keep your stash that means your not readu to commit to yourself. You are cutting yourself short. Be strong and do whats right. think of it this way we give all the power and attention to the porn.something that will not be a part of our future plastic not real content. It is best to invest in our mate, the one we want to and should be good to.Be strong replace your efforts to something you love and care for that is able to return the love unlike porn that destroys families and our sensation to satisfy destroys mens self esteem,self worth,confidence,morals,the list goes on . as for withdrawels find something you enjoy doing and do it when your feeling bad. so if you need any advice look me up I am the only debbieann on here
Thanks a lot.
Yes, a mate is all want to get away my loneliness. But now i had no mate, still searching. Im very unlucky to find a mate that really care for me. Every girl i find is just for my money to buy her anything they like, if i dont do it, they take me for granted. That why i take them for granted and away for the likes, like that.
What happen to me now, the replay of the scene of my favorite porn is my mind all day. Something my brain said to go back to feel me happy again. My favorite porn actress, what her new movie update still ringing in my mind. This memories of porn very hard to fight. If i have a video files in my computer now, i watch it now that i have unpleasant feeling right now. But thanks i delete it all. That like my pleasure and feeling good is taken away from me. Like a money that i earn for many year is lost or stolen. Thats my feeling now. A pot of gold that was 1 meter away from your hand. That banned to take. And now im focusing now to do other thing to replace my porn watching like learning photoshop but i get easily get bored of it and sleepy and 15 minutes i get to focus on this and stop it coz my mind firing watch porn all day.
Its August 2014, still unable to reboot. This time maybe, i can do it. Try and try.
dont give up! never! i know its hard i have been in your shoes. i relapse dozens of times and right now i can control/avoid cravings without struggling much, you need to distract your brain, lets say you are in the computer and you re feeling urges to watch porn/masturbate just do something else like reading a book your brain will focus on the new task and the urges will fade and disapear
Now i had a gf. Last day of august we meet. On 1st. Erection, but when im getting in, it became flaccid. Shes understand it maybe im shy.. Dindt she know im addict in porn. Then the second time is a success. I thought it might a fail. But its a success , it just a semi hard. After 2nd day i watch porn. Why i do that i dint know.. Thats why i delete my porn and no internet now. Im in the second week that is
Nov. 11, 2014 my last view of porn im in 9days of no pmo. But my mind want it, but just a weak urge that i can control it. 2 year no pmo, its a very big challege.. The trick is no internet, no storage of porn, get busy.
Another relaspe,, edging to porn.
Its a failure,
December 24, 2014
Day 1 again.
Relapse, I download a porn, fuck,, what happen to me, I had a gf, and a month we did not see, this 5days we see, I a mess, how could I perform, I pmo just now, wish pirn is history and not cominng back
December 27, 2014
Day 0 again.
This January 1, 2015
Today a bad day,
Done 4 times PMO, im fully drain in the inside.
Thid time is a quit.
Jan 1, 2015
20:05hour start now.porn
My gf come to my home, I thought I will fail to penetrade her, but it sucess but not last long. Shes jealus seeing me to see other girl, so I promise shes only girl I see. Watching porn is like cheating on her,, I have one and shes only I see.
The real sex is very diffrent from pmo, its like my brain do not know what is it, its feeling what it is,,
Real is feeling the touch, pmo is your eyes. The eyes like different people, when im sex in real its just like the same taste, its same if beauty or ugly, same taste. Women you see is different, but in sex its same taste.
April 18, 2021
Come here again at last.
Cause many happen to me for the last year. And I want to eliminate my porn use forever, because I'm very lonely depressed right now. Because my wife is passed away. Leaving my 3 year old son.
Last 2014, I had girlfriend, that I post up there in the thread that time I was very happy, I'm busy that why I have never been in this site anymore to post. She become my wife, very happy life with her, and at last I have a son, a complete family. But even I have a wife at experience real sex, I'm never stop from watching porn, why? Porn is hard to overcome, the thought of the latest new porn and the new pornstar stuck in me. I want the update of what's new that I will miss. It's hard. Even my wife is very perpect to me I'm content in her. Still I watched porn, that's why I addict to porn. Then suddenly this year had sick, a Cancer worse of all. 3 months only when whe found out stage 4 she died in very painfully agony in my side. I was very very lonely. All my tears never ends till now. That I want to relieve my lonelyness, by watching porn. But still after watching, I'm still lonely. And feel I cannot escape this circle. Gg
Try me this time, again. Even lonely. Cryingfvery day for my loss wife. The most painfully suffering of all it's the lost of one I love. I cannot be back again, unlike house or car or job.
Very pain full.
Again this is Day 1 again, coz I watch porn eirlier then find this site again.
I'm 41 now.
My life now is so much lonely life, I miss so much my wife. I do not know what to do, I want also begone but because I had a son, cannot do that it's bad, my son with no mother. Crying every day until now. One is I must live for my son even I'm lonely, feel like living without happiness, I seek happiness in porn, but after that my thoughts that's bad. Always I ask why this life is suffering. I cannot overcome my depression.
Separate names with a comma.