I want a better life at age 36. It´s NOT too late!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by MarstonS, Jan 19, 2013.

  1. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Same here, as usual...
  2. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 4
    Alcohol Day 94

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 70%
    Mood: 60%
    Anxiety: 50%

    Finally a good nights sleep. Slept like a baby for 9 hours. That's amazing.

    Thanks for commenting guys.
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
    Thebeg likes this.
  3. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 5
    Alcohol Day 95

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 5%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 30%

    Stressful times at my job. Yesterday I felt that strong pull to "relieve" my stress with unhealthy addiction behaviours. Like a child who wants candy when he's sad. This time, however, I was very aware of it being the voice of the addiction and I did not listen to it.
  4. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 1
    Daily meditation 1
    Alcohol Day 99

    The god damn p counter is on day one again.... I always feel a bit of humiliation having to log in a and report a relapse. So that's why I'm making an update.

    To expect different results even though we keep doing the same thing, well, as the saying goes, that's the deffinition of insanity. Problem is, I don't know what I could do differently. I guess I could move to Tibet and become a monk but then again, they might have internet and have to do perhaps, one hor of online work a week or something (I don't know). ...and then I'd probavbly relapse during that hour. No, honestly I don't think I would, since they have cut out all the mindless surfing and crap we do here in the west. On top of that they meditate a lot so their prefrontal cortex are strong as F*ck.....

    ..well, there it is, I just rambled on and acidentally happen to write down my next move, MEDITATION. As the alcohol counter reaches 100 days tomorrow, what if I'd try to reach 100 days of daily meditation to strengthen my own prefronatl cotex. I have meditated before, in my life, but I have never perhaps done it for long enough to notice any benefits.
  5. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Don't worry M, I believe this journey gets actually harder as we get better in handling our vices and addictions. As you cut out alcohol for such a long time it's unterstandable that pmo is coming back more frequently. But its impact on your life should diminish - have you observed that effect too? A relapse should become a bit less of a deal.

    Regarding meditation: yes it's a great tool, but I have read you might have to do it for up to nine months to yield any tangible effects.

    Oh can you imagine what could be possible without pmo for nine months? ;-)
  6. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 2
    Daily meditation 2
    Alcohol Day 100

    Ok, the it is, day 100 on the booze counter.

    Fry2, interesting, I have not read the 90 day timespan thing. Do you meditate currently?
  7. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on 100 days no alcohol.

    Actually it's not 90 days but up to nine months until you may experience the benefits of meditation with further benefits along the roads. Recent scientific research so it seems. Until now science wasn't successful in proving the benefits because their studies weren't sufficient in duration.

    Yeah I do, every day 15-20 minutes. Subtle benefits for sure.
  8. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 2
    Daily goalsetting: 2
    Daily meditation 4
    Alcohol Day 104 (Last day I note this down)

    I think I'll stop count my alcohol now. My aim is to continue with moderation, and for me that is to never binge drink and to set a limitation for me. So a few people are going moderation is a bad idea. And that might be so but my aim with the 100 days streak was never to quit alcohol. It was a 100 day challenge, which I found pretty easy to do. That said, If I find that I start using too much alcohol, then I'll jum back on the zero alcohl streak once again.

    Fry2, oh yes, I missread it. 9 months is a long time for sure. I guess we never get anything for free in life :) Allthough, just sitting down with a slow breathing at some poind during the day can at lest be beneficil for stress right away. even if the brain benefits show themselves months later. I shall see if I can muster up the motivation to keep going.
  9. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day: 3
    Alcohol Day: 1
    Daily goal setting: 1
    Daily meditation: 1

    Ok, so yesterday I tried drinking a few beers after 104 days of no alcohol. It was interesting in the way that it did not deliver any pleasure at all. So why would I want to even have moderation in my life if I don't even enjoy that ?? In fact, I get a LOT more enjoyment out of adding numbers to the non alcohol counter every day. So if I like counting non alcohol days, then why not continue with it? I'll keep counting without a goal in mind. Self improvement and doing "good stuff" for the body and mind is so much deeper than shallow pleasure...still, I tend to forget that.

    Today I'm grateful for:

    - My physical health
    - The warm weather, it could be snowy and icy this time a year, but right now, it isn't
    - Rebooting
  10. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes we need to try it again to realize we fon't even need/want something in our life anymore. I had the exakt same experience as you Marston.

    I also noticed I don't enjoy eating refined sugar, ungealthy food or things like playing computer games or watching TV any more.

    The things we fill our lives with should facilitate reaching our goals and self improvement or at least should the pros outweigh the cons.
  11. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 2 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 1
    Alcohol Day: 2
    Meditation Day: 2

    Fry2, I guess your right about that. I really found that I don't need or want alcohol anymore. I have not yet gotten to that point when it comes to sugar though, but I will keep working on it and, eventually, I might get there in that regards as well.

    Today I'm grateful for:

    -My mom is doing ok. We had a bit of a "health scare" yesterday
    -The opportunities to make something out of my life
    -Loving and caring people
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  12. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 3 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 2
    Alcohol Day: 3
    Meditation Day: 3

    Today I'm grateful for:
    -That it won't take long until the November month is over
    -Free valuable information
    -My workplace
  13. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 4 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 3
    Alcohol Day: 4
    Meditation Day: 4

    Today I'm grateful for:

    -My house
    -Good and healthy food
    -Clean water and peace
  14. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 5 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 4
    Alcohol Day: 5
    Meditation Day: 5

    Today I'm grateful for:

    -Good sleep
    -The experiences I have been through
    -The ups and downs. (we need bad stuff to appreciate the good)
  15. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 6 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 5
    Alcohol Day: 6
    Meditation Day: 6

    Today I'm grateful for

    -My home gym
    -My online project
  16. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 7 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 6
    Alcohol Day: 7
    Meditation Day: 7

    Extremely stressful day at work yesterday so I made sure I got a long sleep after work. Slept for 9 hours I think.

    Today I'm grateful for

    -That It will soon be chirstmas vacation
    -All the free info on YouTube
    -My happy childhood
  17. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 8 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 7
    Alcohol Day: 8
    Meditation Day: 8

    Ok, I'm over the first hump. Day 3,4,5 and six after a relapse are the first really tough days for me. Day 7 I'm leveling up and start feeling a little bit better. The next level after this is around day 14...I know this from my many relapses before.

    Today I'm grateful for:
    -Clean clothes
    -Day off from work
  18. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    I fell today...right now I'm feeling ashamed, frustrated and...very sad.

    Orchestra rehersal and I performed very porly (according to my own standards) and I also suffered from pretty high social anxiety levels. I got dissapointed at myself and, basically...gave up and relapsed on purpose. Now that's pretty pathetic.

    Rebooting is hard enough when we think we are able to stay clean....right now I lack all confidence in ever becoming clean....

    Sorry for the negativity...just had to get it out
  19. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    That's ok, that's what this forum is for, if we can't share our slip ups on here then what's even the point of this site? What's your goal with no pmo? Abstain for the rest of your life? I gave up on that idea when I realised it was doing more psychological harm than good, not saying that shouldn't be someone's goal, but just feel it's reasonable to not hold yourself to that standard. Seems like you're getting some good streaks, keep it up.
  20. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Daily goal setting: 16 (365 day challenge)
    Nofap Day: 3
    Alcohol Day: 16

    Got another band practice today with incredible demanding pieces to play. My usual worrying brain is its active self again...ah, fuck it, it'l be allright. The ironic part is that I'm not so much worried about the playing but I'm more worried about perhaps having really bad anxiety attacks. This is nothing else than fear of fear. But fear in itself isn't dangerous, so therefore I should not have to woryy about that either. Easier said than done though. I think everyone who has experienced a full force anxiety attack would agree that you can't find many things that feels worse than that.

    Haller_79, Thanks for commenting. I would indeed like to be free from pmo for the rest of my life but I can see the point you are making. And perhaps it is so that I'm inflicting psychological harm on myself...well, I know I do since relapsing often pushes me into a depression because of me becoming dissapointed at myself. I might change my goal further down the line....perhaps.

    Today I'm grateful for:
    - That the orchestras want me to come play with them.
    - My gym
    - Anxiety tools and tricks

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