I want a better life at age 36. It´s NOT too late!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by MarstonS, Jan 19, 2013.

  1. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Warrior evenin: 1 (no internet after 19:30)
    Nofap Day 3
    Alcohol Day 53

    Relapsed to my evening routine (the no internet after 19:30) the last couple of days and I will try to get it back roling because I felt so much better without the supernormal stimule right before bed.

    fry2, let's get going...one step at a time.
     
  2. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Warrior evenin: 1 (no internet after 19:30)
    Nofap Day 1
    Alcohol Day 56

    Not doing a good job at rebooting. A somewhat good job at living though but I seem to lack the will to get my "fapping shit" together. Can't really find any excuses either.
     
  3. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Warrior evenin: 1 (no internet after 19:30)
    Nofap Day 2
    Alcohol Day 57

    I think one of my bigger "issues"...or, issue is perhaps the wrong word here since it is probably deeper than that. I think "lonelyness" is one of the bigger factors that makes me struggle. I long for connection and my brain thinks porn is "sexual validation" from hot babes. But it's not so much porn I'm thinking about right now because I was siting here and pondering why I seem to have such a difficult time getting the "no internet" after 19:30 going again. Hard to explain but everytime I have been thinking about shutting it down it is like something inside me shouts "No, don't shut the youtube/smartphone/internet down, I don't want to be alone".....

    ...then again, I might be just the same even if I had a family. So, it's all just speculations.
     
  4. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 3
    Alcohol Day 67

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 50%
    Mood: 45%
    Anxiety: 75%

    Man the anxiety has come back with full force the last week and this week. Don't even know what has caused it this time. Perhapse the relaspes but I'm not so sure. I always feel worse this time a year when it's getting darker and colder but I'm still a bit surprised that it's this strong right now. Could also be because I have tried the supplement "phenibut", a couple of times, and already have some kind of withdrawals from that one, even though it didn't really work for me. I don't think it's that but...it's possible. That supplement is to be respected for sure. I only took it 4 times and then I threw the rest away since I figured it might be too destructive for my brain. Perhaps downregulate my GABA receptros and what not. It did not eliminate my anxiety enough to be worth it anyway. Which was te reason for me trying it.

    Today I'm grateful for:

    - My parents are well and healthy
    - My online projects
    - My secure life situation
     
  5. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I also researched phenibut for anxiety and sleep but it seems to be a double edged sword, as it could be addictive and increases libido for some. Could you elaborate more about your experiences with this supplement, would you recommend a try?
     
  6. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 4
    Alcohol Day 68

    Confidence: 65%
    Motivation: 60%
    Mood: 65%
    Anxiety: 45%

    Feeling a bit better today. Slept better as well.

    Fry2, I have tried it before, but from a different vendor and another brand. Then it worked really well for anxiety and sleep...so it seem to be differences in quality. I would only recommend it if you proceed with extreme caution and one advice would be to NOT order a big bulk order but just for example 5 grams at a time. This way you would only use it when necessary because you know it will take a few days to get a new order. We do have to be careful with it though as it is a GABA agonist. Just like alcohol and benzos, and I'm sure you understand the risks involved with that...
     
  7. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 2
    Alcohol Day 71

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 50%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 60%

    I had a slip on friday and masturbated. No porn but I decided to reset my counter anyway since I do not want MO in my life. So the slip was not that harmful for the brain, which I'm grateful for.
     
    TheScriabin likes this.
  8. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Active Member

    Do you exercise much Marston? I should do a lot more than I do but I have always noticed when I exhaust myself intensely from exercise I sleep like a baby, and my anxiety and restless nights are far less of a problem.
     
  9. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 4
    Alcohol Day 73

    Confidence: 65%
    Motivation: 60%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 35%

    TheScriabin, I used to exercise quite a lot, however I havebeen slacking the last couple of months. I really should get back into it. I still move a lot every day though but...not enough. I have been lifting weights since I was 17 so I'm a pretty strong dude, but as I said, the last two monts I have not really been that active. Still managed to go to the gym 1-2 times a week though.
     
    TheScriabin likes this.
  10. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Active Member

    ^Me too, one of my goals is to get back into exercising. The key for me is finding social activies attached to it, so group sports or something, as I spend enough time alone in my head!
     
  11. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 8
    Alcohol Day 77

    Confidence: 65%
    Motivation: 60%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 35%

    TheScriabin, indeed brother. I have found, time and time again, that exercises really helps with improving mood . So it's a bit ironic that, when we get depressed, we often stop exercising...when exercising reallyis the first thing we should be doing when feeling down.
     
    TheScriabin likes this.
  12. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 9
    Alcohol Day 78

    Confidence: 50%
    Motivation: 50%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 45%

    Brain is contstantly wanting me to go for dopamin activities, it's kind of painful really. The only dopamine I try to allow it, besides the ordinary rewards from achieveing things in life, is coffee and perhaps some for of cake, every now and again. And even this small and seemingly innocent thing is not without danger, as I have found sugar to e a massive "gateway" to a porn relapse.

    Today I'm grateful for

    -I'm interested in stuff (which means I can't be that depressed right now)
    -My father and mother are doing well
    -My warm and comfortable house
     
  13. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Yeah man try to avoid sugar and refined carbs. i find that I get literally high from them and become very prone for relapse.
     
  14. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 1
    Alcohol Day 81

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 60%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 45%

    So day 11 turned into day 0 yesterday night. What happened was tiredness took over. Working late infromt of the computer again. I feel sad about this because I was gaining momentum and then...down on my knees again, as so many times before.

    This working at night thing, I should be more carfeul with that.

    Have a doctor appointment today, I want to tlak about a prescription for a small amount of benzos, since I sometimes need stuff like that when I play the trumpet infront of a crowd and, even though, I have doe it literally thousands of times, it never get's any easier. The 100% truth is that it get's a little bit worse for every year. So, "exposure therapy" is not effective for every single person...and it seems like I happen to be one of those.

    Fry2, I will try man, because I have noticed the same....I think it's not wrong to say "sugar is a drug", since it's easy to get addicted to it and it spikes dopamine significantly.

    Today I'm grateful for

    -daily routines
    -physical exercise
    -cold showers
     
  15. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Same here mate, you are not alone. Be careful with the pills though, I recently had a binge because of that. I became sick and took some kind of flu medicine without reading about the ingredients. Turns out the pills had some ephedrine in them, which is pretty stimulating and easily abused. Couldn't sleep and therefore started taking benzos, which fucked me up and resulted in a crazy sleepless pmo night :confused:. Pretty down because of that because besides that I had the feeling that I was doing quite well.

    Anyway here we go again right?
     
  16. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 2
    Alcohol Day 82

    Confidence: 60%
    Motivation: 60%
    Mood: 50%
    Anxiety: 45%

    Fry2, sorry to hear that brother. And thanks for the warning, yeah, I have expereince with benzos from my younger days so I know wthat I'm dealing with and they are not to be played around with, for sure. My ambition is to never take them more than two times a week max. And then, of course have weeks where I take zero. I remember one intensive music weekend where I had to perform three days in a row in 2015, I took bezos for only three days but the first and second day after that, I had a horrible rebound effect from only three days on.

    Yup, one more streak started....I have seen day zero quite a few times now...
     
  17. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    For sure you'll be doing fine fine mate. Just wanted to speak a word of caution as I fell so hard the other day.

    I admire you for your ability to play in front of a large audience btw, that's truly impressive.
     
  18. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Nofap Day 3
    Alcohol Day 83

    Confidence: 70%
    Motivation: 70%
    Mood: 60%
    Anxiety: 35%

    I always appreciate your words brother, so thanks. I hope that we both get to find our best and longest streak this time.

    Btw, the playing infront of an audience is far from easy for me...so I can't really feel that what I'm doing is something impressive. But thanks anyway :)
     
  19. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Do you still work on on your blog btw? If so could you post me a link? Thx in advance
     
  20. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Warrior evening Day 1
    Nofap Day 1
    Alcohol Day 84

    Confidence: 70%
    Motivation: 70%
    Mood: 60%
    Anxiety: 35%

    Fry2, Right now I'm doing some work on https://mybesttrumpet.com

    Is there an award for the title "worst rebooter in history" ? if so, where do I sign up?

    I just can't handle having an internet connection in my house late at night. I'm doing super during daytime but, at the end of the day, when I'm tired, my prefrontal cortex is not strong enough. I have to cut it out at 8:30
    The problem is I know that we should learn all our triggers and then be able to have an alternate response, instead of acting out. And if I cut out internet after 8:30 pm, I'm just eliminating the triggers instead of reinforcing the alternative behaviours....but, fuck, I still have to go at it like that until my PFC get's strong enough. All it takes is being tired and ONE wrong word into google...and I fall again.

    So...I'm back to the warrior evening, which is no internet connection in my house after 20.30 pm
     

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