I want a better life at age 36. It´s NOT too late!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by MarstonS, Jan 19, 2013.

  1. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    EDIT:
    Four and a half years later: I Finally have the balls to create my own website. Here it is: Natural Health Evolution




    Hi every body. I am new here and before I do anything else I would like to start by apologising for my bad English. There will be errors and the spelling will be incorrect because I live in Europe and it is not my language. I will probably not have the time to look up every word to check if I have spelled them correctly or...maybe I am just to lazy ;)

    So here goes.

    I am a 36 year old man who have decided to give up porn for hopefully forever. Why? Well, Social anxiety, depression, and the worst of all: ED! :(

    I have been masturbating in front of the computer now since I was about 23. I have had girlfriends in my life and ED has not been a problem at first. However the last 5 years I have been single and have not had any sexual adventures so my "sexlife" has basically been the computer and my hand. (Ufff...feels so sad to write that). I DID however meet a gorgeous woman this summer (2012) and...yep: then I noticed ED for the first time in my life. I got scared and went to the doctor. He prescribed viagra to me. Guess what? That DIN NOT HELP AT ALL.
    So I read all I could on the internet and ofcourse found: "your brain on porn" and then I understod the problem. I recognise my self with everything there...I have no doubt that exessive PMO is the thing that got me in to the problem.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2018
  2. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.


    By the way: please feel free to ask anything. I can also add that my sexual orientation is 100% hetero but as with many others the porn use had escalated to stuff that I really did not understand WHY I was watching. After reading YBOP I understand all of that now though. "Regular" porn did not do it for me any more...typical addiction behavior.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2017
  3. M_Zerge

    M_Zerge New Member

    Re: I want a better life.

    Did you drink alcohol before that one night stand? Because after approx. 3-4 beers, you might have the same experience (i.e. only 70-80% hard, unable to O), and in your case that night, maybe ED had other reasons.
    I experienced that last November: alcohol at a party, one night stand, semi hard, and unable to O.

    Dont hate yourself! I think you are on the right track. You made it to 35 and 46 days once, respect. I am only on day 21.
     
  4. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Thank you M_Zerge

    Yes. I actually drank 15 beers and was really not that attracted to her. So...maybe it is a good sign after all BUT the thing is I have never had any ED before (a few years ago) even when being drunk. And I know for a fact that "my gear" is not working cause even with porn it stopped working in the last year (that´s why I started looking at more extreme stuff...my erection worked better with extream porn and masturbation that it did with the two girls last time though) . And masturbation without any porn or fantasy with just light touch is nearly IMPOSSIBLE..I get almost no erection at all...maybe 40%.

    The ting is it has so gradually gotten worse so I did never really notice it before it just HIT me in the face with this gorgeous woman in the summer 2012.
    All this time I had only thought that masturbation and porn is healthy, you get endorphines and it would be healthy in general...even if done very often! This should be warned about in schools to protect todays growing up kids.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2018
  5. M_Zerge

    M_Zerge New Member

    Re: I want a better life.

    I agree! This should be somehow warned about.

    Related articles in the internet and this website hit me in the face two months ago.
    I have also thought for a decade that P, M and O are healthy things (maybe they are not unhealthy, if they are not done too many times like playing poker or computer games, etc.).

    Good luck with your journey aming at rewiring for the good target and thank you for your posts!
     
  6. Bastian

    Bastian counting...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Hey Marston,
    well done!
    14 days is a good thing. And the fact that you are here, reflecting on your situation is a huge step.

    And about the E.D., i recognize this... I'm in a relationship (with a man, yep im gay...) and since being away from porn I gradually have had difficulties...
    But I will try not to be so hard on myself. This is maybe just a part of the process. And maybe even a good sign!

    Good luck to you, looking forward to see your steps.
     
  7. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Day 15

    Morning wood: 40%
    Libido: 5%
    Mood: 50%
    General confidence: 50%

    Not much to rapport. Going out jogging to get my mood up.

    Thanks Bastian and M_Zerge for the encouraging words :)
     
  8. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Day 16

    Morning wood: 70%
    Libido: 5%
    Mood: 60%
    General confidence: 60%
     
  9. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Day 17

    Morning wood: 50%
    Libido: 10%
    Mood: 30%
    General confidence: 50%

    I don´t have a girlfriend right now but it disturbs me to know, or rather NOT knowing if my "gear" would work if I had a woman here right this moment. Not knowing is hard.
    Slept almost nothing. It will get better I´m sure though :)

    Life is an emotional rollercoaster...outride it!
     
  10. M_Zerge

    M_Zerge New Member

    Re: I want a better life. From Beta to Alpha!

    I feel something similar. Yesterday I had a conversation with a cute girl and While she was talking, I tried to imagine what would happen if we got there we would sleep with each other, would I have ed or not? Anyway I think these thoughts are normal and the only way to make sure is to try.

    Keep up the good work! Day 17 is cool. I almost relapsed yesterday at home after this conversation but finally did not PMO.
     
  11. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life. From Beta to Alpha!

    Day 18

    Morning wood: 80%
    Libido: 10%
    Mood: 65%
    General confidence: 60%

    M_Zerge

    Thank you. You where strong resisting pmo yesterday. Awesome!
    Yes the only way to know is to try I guess...but I have no idea how soon it would be a good idea to try. Porn and masturbation and sexting is a thing I will never ever do again though. Sex ONLY in real life is what I am aiming at...(Thats my plan anyway, if I manage to stay strong is another thing ;)

    We´ll continue! :)
     
  12. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: I want a better life. From Beta to Alpha!

    Read your journal, good luck with the reboot.

    It was weird reading your posts that you started at 23 and i am now stopping at 23. If only information was out there 10 years ago.
     
  13. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life. From Beta to Alpha!

    gameower,

    Thank you. Yes it is frustrating thinking back...and realising the destructive things we have done to our selfs :(
    Maybe it is better to consentrate on the future now instead and really put in the effort to make it a bright one.

    Ps. I see you like going to the gym. I too love it and it really helps in many ways in life. I have been lifting weights on and off since I was 16.
     
  14. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life. From Beta to Alpha!


    I use to think time goes to fast...but man does it feel like the days stands still when looking at the daycounter :(
     
  15. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life. A question for GARY in my last post.

    Day 19

    Morning wood: 70%
    Libido: 05%
    Mood: 75%
    General confidence: 65%
     
  16. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Day 20

    Morning wood: 70%
    Libido: 5%
    Mood: 80%
    General confidence: 70%

    20 days without porn, masturbation, sexchat, pictures or anything like that...no alcohol either. Still no signs of any libido.
     
  17. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Re: I want a better life.

    Day 21

    Morning wood: 85%
    Libido: 5%
    Mood: 70%
    General confidence: 75%

    Yesterday evening I needed to resist hard. Luckily I made it without relapsing. phew....close one.
    I know exactly how crap I would have been feeling this morning have I relapsed. Now perhaps it will be a really good day instead.
    Going to go for an extra long run today and then meditate.
     
  18. M_Zerge

    M_Zerge New Member

    It seems that your confidence slightly increases from one day to the other and you have good mood.

    Stay strong and keep up the good work! :)

    How long distance do you run?

    Last year, I began running everyday in January while I tried to quit MO, although I was not aware of this site and the everything. I gave it up after 30 days and relapsed. Running might be good during this reboot process.
     
  19. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Thank you friend. I like to run different distanses to keep it more interesting. Today was 14 km (litle ower 8 miles I think that is)
    It really helps with mood and it also builds willpower...and we need willpower when fighting with this reboot.
     
  20. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Day 22

    Morning wood: 60%
    Libido: 5%
    Mood: 70%
    General confidence: 70%

    I often get the urge to try if I can get an erection. I really do not know if I can right now....but so far I have managed NOT to try.
     

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