Can relate. Not to the Christian morals but regarding the abstinence thing. I mean we not doing this to become monks, no? (Apart from the monk mode faction, maybe :3) We be doing this to be no longer numbed out and have the opportunity to connect to partners. As much as youtube holds a lot of good and bullshit advice, too: take what you can find, make what you don't find, survive. There are no points granted for looking stylish or sophisticated. We must be brave explorers with brains like ours. Regarding to cruel part: Might sound counter intuitive, but as a first step, try and accept the fact that you sometimes are cruel to yourself. Make that a thing to not beat yourself up about when it happens. Watch the behaviour, try to reduce it and then watch some more. Changes will be really really small at first, the trick is to not sabotage them when you see them, but just keep watching. That stuff is easier when you go from self punishing mode to curious, semi detached explorer. Take (another) science trip to Your BrainLand tm! If that makes sense.