I think I could feel my brain rewiring

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by nuclpow, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    Now 80 days no M. It's awfully close to 90 days. I have some urges to do something sexual, but not a lot. I think my medication and age have a lot to do with my reduced sex drive. But I still think I should put my sexual energy into looking for a wife-type person. That's easier said than done, though. I probably have to work on my life to be marriage material.

    Rewiring

    I'm still practicing piano a bit.
     
  2. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    84 days clean from M and mostly clean of SF! I am proud of this.

    Recently I imagined about sex for a couple minutes and I got a little bit of a soft erection. It's a good sign, but it sounds like I still have PIED bad. I can't test it, though.

    Marriage

    For marriage, and I know I already said this, but it looks like I have to choose a religion. Maybe I should talk to a pastor.

    Edit: I'm reading Nofap's Rebooting web page and it says that it can take 1 year to recover from PIED. It might be true for me, plus I'd like to try 1 year anyway, though I'm not sure why.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2022
  3. Newwaynewlife

    Newwaynewlife Active Member

    Man, during my previous attempts, I remember your name and the 1-digit number on your counter. I'm back, on my 100000000th day 1, and look, you are almost at day 90. Congratulations, you are amazing! I hope your ED will disappear gradually, so you will have interim feelings of success :) What about morning woods? You don't have them either?
     
  4. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Thank you! I don't get morning wood, though I sometimes wake up from mid-sleep and have a semi-erection. I think I got morning wood in my earliest rebooting attempts, but that hasn't continued. Maybe I gave myself worse PIED from consuming porn in the mean time. Maybe I'm older and on medication that reduces my sex drive, or a combination of the above.

    Status

    88 days clean except for small amounts of SF. I am feeling fine, though I wish I had a marriage, though I'm told that's an adventure and a huge amount of work. I felt the impulse to come and post today (now yesterday), but I don't have much to say.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  5. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    90 days no M and little SF, over a year no P. I don't feel great, maybe I'll celebrate when I get to my old goal of 120 days.

    Ugh, I had an awful sex dream last night with perverse stuff. It reminds me of how porn makes you crave more and more perverted things. Maybe this dream and another similar one I had during this streak are my brain craving porn.

    Recently I've woken up with morning wood 1-2 times, which is new to me. Maybe I'm healing.

    Anyway I think I plan to celebrate at the 120 days mark, and I plan to keep away from porn and M and SF for a year to see if it cures my PIED.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  6. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    Still clean, now for 95 days. I think I woke up with morning wood again. Maybe that's a good sign. My idea is to reassess things at 120 days.

    I'm doing fine, I should just be doing more in real life, chores and employment and dating and stuff. My willpower might be improving, I might be finding it easier to do chores than I used to.
     
  7. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Internet addiction

    I am still addicted to the internet, if anyone is, I guess. Fortunately (very) I am not looking at hardcore internet porn anymore, but I am still on the internet way too much and accomplishing basically nothing.

    I remember several times I tried go without the internet for as long as I could after waking up, and that did me good, but I stopped doing it and gave up. I don't know how to try it again. But I should, and I should make a to-do list for the internet, and get off of the internet after it's finished, something I've never done.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  8. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Internet addiction

    I put off going on the internet for 2 hours today. I accomplished a little tidying up and conceived of my IRL to-do list. I think avoiding the internet for 2 hours today did me a lot of good. Hopefully I can keep it up.

    Status

    I still have a mediocre or low mood all the time, despite being clean from porn for over a year and clean from F and M for 97 days. I think I have low dopamine like YBOP explains. I think I still have an addicted brain. I'm hoping staying clean for a long time, going outside and doing rewiring activities, and cutting back largely on internet use will help my brain rewire to normal and I'll have normal moods again.

    To-do

    Work on my IRL to-do list and cut down on internet use by doing something, almost anything else.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  9. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    99 days clean of F and M. I went out today and the weather was hot and I kept checking out women's legs and chests and all over. Bad habit, but I'm wondering if it's getting worse because I'm still addicted and I'm porn-starved. I'd really like to quit that habit. Maybe SAA and the 12 Steps can help with that. I look at men, too, though I don't get anything out of checking them out.

    Internet addiction

    I think I put off the internet for a bit today, but not really consequential. I think putting off the internet as long as possible, making a to-do list, and doing only the to-do list, and getting off when the to-do list is done, will help me quit internet addiction. Like I said, I've never done that before, at least not recently. I think I should be able to just let the internet go for a day, to live without talking to people on it and browsing the Web for a day.

    Edit: A few days ago I had a lot of highly sexualised music videos playing, but they weren't tempting me. I was turned around and trying to sleep. I even felt a little bothered by the fact that the makers of the music videos were trying so shamelessly to manipulate me. I've come a long way, when I first started rebooting (years ago) I kept losing my rebooting attempt due to sexy music videos, now I can take it or leave it. I think maturity, perspective have a lot to do with it, but it also helps that my sex drive is a fraction of what it was when I first started rebooting.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022 at 11:59 PM
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  10. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    It's just a day after my last post, but I wanted to post for my 100th day clean. I wanted to celebrate it. I feel happy.

    Today I looked at sexy dress-up doll art. It had nudity, which I didn't view, but some things were close enough. Bad habit. I'm still moderately triggered by it.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.

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