I think I could feel my brain rewiring

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by nuclpow, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    All I'm saying, a month of "Internet fasting" has done tremendous things for me in the past :).

    Forward, soldier!
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  2. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I have to figure out some way to do it in my apartment with two computers online and not a lot else to do. Here's some things I can do instead of going on my computer (or my smartphone) (not counting internet video as internet):
    • Pray/meditate/read Holy Book
    • Exercise
    • Play video games
    • Cook
    • Clean/do chores
    • Go hang around outside sometimes
    • Watch TV
    • Watch streaming TV and Youtube on my TV
    • Read
    • Write things down
    • Pursue formal education
    • Meet with friends and family and supporters
    • Listen to music (especially CD quality music with the headphones on, that's an experience)
    Edit: Getting a job would be a great use of time, too.

    Status

    I was tempted just now to go FMO, but I came here to post instead. No sexual activity for a couple days, but I'm still tempted to FM. I also looked up attractive pictures of women today, which is a bad habit, but I quit it fairly quickly.

    Edit: I positive fantasised of adopting a boy. At least I did that.

    I attended an SAA meeting yesterday and I shared. I might have to do the Twelve Steps if I want to quit FM and recover my neurology (rewire my brain). I don't have enough motivation to do that now, though.

    Well, I'm still a bit triggered, so I'm going to pray and try to stay away from the area in the apartment where I usually like to FM. That might help a lot.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2021
    -Luke- likes this.
  3. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    Tempted again. I was tempted to go have some "harmless" sexual fantasies and masturbation fun, but I turned it down and came here instead. (Or maybe in another order.)

    It's hard to stay motivated to not M. The payoff, of having actual sex in a relationship, is hard for me to imagine happening anytime soon. (Though it's easier to imagine eventually than it used to be, it seems.) It was much better when I was MOing once a month, only for a few minutes, and not to extensive sexual fantasies. I think after about a year of that I might have recovered and rewired. I just liked myself better when I was abstaining, too, plus I wasn't masturbating while thinking that God was watching me and seeing my awful fantasies. I guess the idea that God is watching me (and seeing into my fantasies) might be the only thing that gets me to refrain from FM.

    Hmm, I have a second computer that's been running without a filter for a while, and it's tempted me slightly a couple times. But the only thing I've done on it so far is to look up pictures of women, which still isn't a good idea. I guess I should fix it and put the filter on it.

    Okay, I think I'm not tempted now.
     
  4. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    No sexual activity since last. I dreamed of YBR. I hope that means that I'm leaving porn farther behind. I've been doing well the past few days turning down sexual fantasies and M. I sometimes think of porn and registering for it. This is bad and I hope it doesn't go anywhere. I am still remembering porn I saw two years ago. Unfortunately it might be like that for a long time, possibly even the rest of my life.

    Now that I'm over 2 years clean from internet porn I was thinking of posting to the Success Stories section of this website, even though I still haven't quit FM for long and I haven't rewired.

    Internet addiction

    I wrote a long list of alternative activities than going on the internet and I taped it in front of my screen. I can flip it over to the back when I go on the computer, though.

    I also wrote a smaller list of things that justify internet use, like trying to get a job.
     
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  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I bet you woke up in a cold sweat. :eek:

    Just kidding. No internet porn for more than 2 years? That's a huge improvement! I'd definitely read your success story.
     
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  6. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

  7. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    No sexual activity for 11 days according to my counter. I'm a little strained from it. I have noticed that I have been finding young women very beautiful again. I think this happens when I haven't had sexual activity for a while. It sure is nice to be in a world surrounded by beautiful women (at least on TV and computer screens).

    I plan to keep refraining from sexual activity except for MO (without extensive fantasy) every 1-2 months.

    Rewiring

    I got outside recently, so I might be getting out more and doing things, which should help with rewiring.

    Internet addiction

    I haven't been doing well at staying off the computer. But I still feel better because I stayed off the computer for several hours last week. Yeah I don't know what that means either. I don't seem to want to do knitting or piano practice.
     

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