I think I could feel my brain rewiring

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by nuclpow, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @nuclpow

    Awesome start. Keep it up! If it isn't too overwhelming for you, I'd recommend reintroducing time outside and biking (or some activities like this) to your daily life. I get the feeling that you spend a lot of time inside, but this can have a large impact on our mood and mindset. Some call it cabin fever. That is if wherever you live in Canada doesn't have strict social distancing measures in place. I've only been to Vancouver myself--so I am not the best judge--but I've heard Canada has some fantastic natural spots. I hope there are some awesome trails, parks etc., out where you live.

    Take care
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  2. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Thanks @NewStart19. You are right, I spend most days inside and most of the time indoors on days I do go out. I wasn't able to go for a long walk or bike ride, but I have gone out into the back yard twice since you posted. I think this might be all I'm able to do for a while. I hope it's enough.

    Status

    No P, 1 FMO. The fantasies consisted of stuff I would consider to be awful. But otherwise it wasn't so bad. It wasn't for a very long time or breaking new ground in sexual fantasy territory. Overall I think I'm still doing pretty good.

    SAA

    I'm continuing to attend SAA meetings and to talk to people there. I think it might help with me feeling too sexual all the time and sex obsessed. So far as I know I need to quit sexual fantasies and masturbation to quit IP and get my pre-frontal cortex back. But I might also need to stop looking at people sexually and stop being sex obsessed, too, in order to get my pre-frontal cortex back. So I've talked to a few people in SAA and it looks like a lot of work over months or a year or two, but it might be exactly what I need.

    Rewarding myself

    I remembered I still wanted to reward myself for 150 days no porn (and maybe 300 days). I want to go to a restaurant, but it's Covid so I shouldn't. But, I remembered I could order out. So maybe I can do that. They have a bunch of food delivery services nowadays.

    To-do

    Consider ordering in to reward myself, and consider doing it twice, too, for my 300+ day streak. Keep going outside even if it's not very far. Keep going to SAA meetings Keep posting here, too.

    Edit: I ordered a chicken dinner and had it delivered. It was good, but I think I need to do much more to reward myself for 150 and 365 days clean. A lot more.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2020 at 8:56 PM
    NewStart19 likes this.
  3. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    No P; no F, M, or O since last. Right now I'm tempted to do an FMO to sexual fantasy.

    I've written up a list of ways porn is bad for me but I haven't listed ways sexual fantasy is bad for me. It seems a lot less bad for me than multi-hour internet porn binges, where I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel of even internet porn. But here, I'll try to make a list. Sexual fantasy is bad for me because...
    • It activates porn pathways and keeps me addicted to internet porn
    • It keeps me from recovering my pre-frontal cortex which includes:
      • planning, thinking things through, moral centre of the brain, executive function, and I think impulse control
    • It keeps me having PIED where I can't get an erection except for extensive porn and sexual fantasy
    • It might have moral consequences because the things I imagine would not be moral in real life
    • No real woman could hope to match what I masturbate about, so it's unfair to any future partner I have if I expect her to live up to it
    • I've always found masturbation weird, and it makes me stink too
    I feel like I should come up with more reasons, but that's all I have for now.

    To-do

    I want to get myself a cake to reward myself for 150 and 350 days clean, maybe two cakes (not at the same time).
     

Share This Page