I think I could feel my brain rewiring

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by nuclpow, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    You just have to remember that these feelings you are calling "arousal", are not that. For you, since you haven't watched porn in a long time, what you are feeling is likely M (plus fantasy) cravings/withdrawals. I find I can get just as much of a blast of dopamine from M with fantasy as with porn, so I personally don't think one can heal while doing that whatsoever. If you go for a couple weeks hardmode you will hit flatline and won't have to deal with that feeling anymore. IMO, Real arousal does not make you crave jerking off or looking at P. In fact, I find real arousal is a firewall against relapsing to those things, because having real arousal means you have a reasonably well-functioning reward system, and that means you have enough dopamine receptors to make you feel good enough without needing or constantly craving porn or whatever in the first place. To me, the fact you can't M without fantasy means you still have quite a ways to go before your reward system has healed to a reasonable extent.

    Our brains have the ability to change habits very quickly, if you just try to go a few days, then a week and so on you may find it pretty easy. For me, if there is no porn attached I have basically no want to jerk off whatsoever, because I never made that a habit. It should be a lot easier for you to exterminate this M habit than it was to get rid of the P. And then, after a bit you can see what real arousal feels like, because I'm pretty positive what you're feeling is withdrawal cravings. Not arousal.

    Once you've done that, and really get rebooted, your want to get rid of sexual fantasy and replace it with more wholesome fantasy happens by itself. I know this for a fact I've been super-rebooted in the past multiple times and I could get rock hard just thinking about making out with girls, and by the same token other times when I've watched too much porn not only could I not get even the slightest bit aroused thinking about that kind of thing, I couldn't get aroused thinking about ANYTHING, no matter what. True rebooting changes your brain in incredible ways, but it takes a while to feel them.
    I think it is awesome you've went 300 days without P, but it seems you've replaced P with F+M, and that in my opinion will not allow you to heal. Try going a few days without.
     
  2. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I'm trying.

    Status

    No porn but I just FMOed. I tried to resist, but I think I was triggered by a Youtube video that wasn't directly about sexual things but covered stuff related to it. It didn't help that one of the people had a T-shirt from a pornographic magazine. Edit: I may have been triggered by a naked woman I saw in an educational innocent scientific video I saw yesterday. This seems more likely, or maybe the two things in combination.

    Maybe I could have done differently by not watching the interview. I'm not sure.

    For the future

    Keep trying to refrain from FMO and see if it improves my condition. Today's setback wasn't a full reset, but I intend to try to get 2 weeks no MO in a row and see if I feel any different.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
  3. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Another post quickly after the last one.

    @Doper, I'm still digesting your post. Maybe I'll come up with a more sophisticated reply later.

    Status

    No porn or FMO since last. I feel craving to FMO again, so I'm posting here in the hopes that it will go away. I think that I am still triggered from the naked woman I saw in the educational video yesterday. She looked great, but I guess where I went wrong is to stare and lust after her. I probably should have remembered that I'm trying to quit internet porn and looked away or hid the window. (Oh well, at least I know that a plain naked woman still turns me on after all this porn.)

    I feel somewhat better.

    No PMO streak

    It's been 301 days since my last PMO. I know what Doper is saying about how I replaced P with F, although I'm not sure that's exactly right yet, I expect it's partially true. I want to reward myself for my 150 day streak and maybe my 300 day streak. I find it difficult to go out an do things, plus there's the pandemic. I bought myself some treats at the grocery store that I used to reward myself, and that was good and enough to last me for a while.

    For the future

    I intend to keep trying to work up a couple weeks with no or hardly any MO and see if it changes anything. Reward myself for 150/300 days no PMO, make a significant deal of it. But it may take me a while to do that.
     
    Shady and positivef like this.
  4. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Congrats on the 300 days, that is a great achievement! :D:)

    I understand your struggle with fantasies and coming across random content that triggers sexual thoughts. The thing is unless we want to cut all internet usage and become hermits life will always throw these things up. I think the way to go is just to let these thoughts come and go. Don't linger on the thought and start lusting. Also, I've been 'red x' method to cut down thoughts before they grow.
    Reward for achievement is a difficult one, because we are used to the extreme high of a porn binge. Probably go for something that is in someway healthy as well enjoyable.
     
  5. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your post and the congrats, @positivef :).

    I have been saying, in my mind, "goodbye" to the fantasies when I think of having them. (And they seem to diminish.) Do you think this accomplishes the same as the red x method, or close enough? It seems to be effective.

    I'm posting because I've been clean so far today (except for some touching of my dick), but I'm still tempted. I've been turning down the fantasies and remaining clean from FMO so far today, but one's willpower is a limited resource.

    The willpower for turning down my fantasies isn't strong, and I think I'm going to need more motivation to give up FMO. Right now I'm holding the idea of forever recovering from PMO addiction in the front of my mind as motivation, and getting my pre-frontal cortex completely functional again. But it seems weak and I don't know if I'll make it 3 weeks, let alone 3 years. The only idea I have is to keep posting here to give myself motivation and get support from fellow posters.

    I'm also using as a motivation reminding myself it's lame and a waste of time and energy to to have pretend, imaginary sex partners when I could have real friends and possibly a real sex partner who likes it when we have sexual activity.

    I hope this post was coherent. I'm still trying to put together the motivation to stop FMO. (And hence quit porn addiction and recover my mind, which would be amazing.)
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2020
    -Luke- likes this.
  6. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    One FMO yesterday, I think. I didn't record it in my post. Today I edged 3 times to fantasy.

    I think the best behaviour on my part is to...
    1. Say goodbye in my mind to all the sexual fantasies and porn I've viewed or read
    2. Keep my sperm rag in my laundry bin with the lid closed
    3. Come here and post if I don't think I can shut down the temptation
    Other things I think I can do are...
    1. Have positive fantasies of having a good life, friends and getting out and things like that
    2. Try to make plans and take action for changing my life for the better
    I feel pretty tempted. It might be that "extinction burst" I mentioned earlier, where in trying to quit a habit it first rears up and tries to be impossible to quit.

    I think I'll watch some TV to put off FMO at least for an hour or so.

    Thanks for reading my posts guys. But mostly I'm posting to help myself quit in any way I can.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2020
  7. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Posting again because I'm trying to quit FMO. (At least that's what I say I'm doing.)

    I am thinking one of the reasons I am having a hard time quitting is because I have been using FMO to reward myself. I think I've been doing this about 5 times a day. I gotta find something else to reward myself with. Possibly...
    • Homecooked food
    • Wholesome movies and television
    • Computer games
    • A nice walk
    • A talk with a friend or neighbour
    • More...
    It is not so easy to leave all these pornographic and sexual fantasies and masturbation behind. I guess my motivation has held out the last few hours, though.
     
    -Luke-, Doper and positivef like this.
  8. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Good progress, I like the idea of positive visualising
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  9. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    Learning how to cook is to me, one of the most rewarding things in life. It is one of the only things that gets me "in the zone". Something that I like to do is maybe once a week, I'll look up a new recipe, and go buy the ingredients and try to make it. Then you get to have some new recipes up your sleeve. A very good skill to have.
     
  10. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I'm gonna go do some more before I post next.
    I cook irregularly and I'm slowly doing new things and practicing. It doesn't get me in the zone but it's better than nothing.

    Status

    No porn, 1 FMO. How did I fail and FMO? I think that I didn't really try, plus I looked up blue hair on a popular (non-pornographic) website. I was trying to imagine my skin clearing up from no-MO as motivation not to MO, but I think this backfired on me and made me want to MO more because I was thinking about it more. I am now discouraged and will find it hard to refrain from MO because of that.

    I also buried my sperm rag half-way down my laundry basket as a psychological barrier that I thought might help me avoid MO. So far the best thing helping me is to post here. I've got to find some way to avoid FMO, and I think positive fantasising is the best thing to try.

    Life plan

    I have 7 life plan files on my computer, though some are just notes. It may have been a failure that I haven't addressed this recently on my journal. A lot's changed since I wrote them. I no longer have as many social difficulties, and I'm no longer crushing on my one old crush. It doesn't seem like much, but I think I've come a long way. I have to move these files to another directory and start again, I think.

    For the future

    Try positive fantasising. Write new life plan files.
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  11. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Cooking while listening to music get me in the 'zone' easier than just cooking.
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  12. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    It's funny how that works sometimes. I've read at some point in the past that in some countries cigarette consumption increased when the scary pictures on cigarette packets were introduced. The theory behind was this (and I have no idea if it's based on reality): When people saw pictures of lung cancer they became stressed. And what do people do when they're stressed? The same thing(s) they've done for years: Smoking (or drinking/eating/porn/gambling/...). Maybe that's a possible explanation here. You focussed on one thing (your skin) and linked it to MO, then you felt bad about that one thing and MO'd in order to relieve stress.

    Good to hear you've made some progress. I can definitely see it when I read your journal. Life plans change, that's a good thing. Some things aren't that big of a problem anymore, some things are solved, some things aren't that important anymore. It's good to revise it from time to time.
     
    NewStart19, nuclpow and positivef like this.
  13. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I think I was focusing too much on MO. I liked your post to my journal a lot.
    It's very interesting to hear people can notice changes from reading my journal.

    Status

    No porn, no FMO since last. I managed to hold off for about 12 hours. Quitting masturbation is going to be a major project for me. I feel like I need to get out and hang around with a lot of people a lot more.

    Life plan

    I worked on my life plan a bit and I realised I really want to organise and clean my apartment more. I guess I can post about it later.

    I fantasised about having and raising children.

    @positivef, thanks for your post.
     
    Shady, -Luke- and positivef like this.
  14. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Hello rebooters.

    Status

    No porn or masturbation since last. Hooray! I've done about one day no FMO or any M. This is the most I've gone without in a while. I feel optimistic I can make it a couple more days, and maybe longer. I think in order to reboot I will need to get out a lot more and have a lot of things to reward myself with (other than P or FMO). I guess I'll have to work on that.

    Edit: I just wanted to add that looking at entirely non-arousing pictures of women seems to do me good.

    I did some fantasising and I watched some TV and I remembered that I'm not all grown-up yet. If I grow up all the way it should greatly increase my chances of having sex, especially with the women that are my age. And I think I can grow up, too, fairly quickly. I'm not too childish now as it is. I think this increases my chances of having sex even if I don't become a Christian, which was my main worry before, if you've been reading my journal.

    I fantasised about having a woman and I think it helped me grow up a bit.

    I seem to be learning about myself in my attempts to go without P, F, or M. It's probably a good thing.

    For the future

    Keep working on getting out more. Arrange my life so I can get a lot of rewards. They don't have to be excessive, small rewards work on me, but a lot of small rewards would be nice. Keep fantasising about having a woman or having kids. Consider taking that final step in growing up and leaving my adolescence and childhood behind.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2020
  15. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    Still no porn or masturbation, but I foolishly tempted myself by looking at arousing images. I closed the tabs but the images are still kicking around. It's not helping that I'm tired. Agh, it's not easy but I guess I have to keep at no-FMO if I want to get my brain back. Edit: I should go to bed and stop tempting things.

    Life plan

    I put another thing in my life plan.
     
  16. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Great work. The images are just images let them fade. Get some good sleep. : -)
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  17. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    I went to bed and avoided temptation. I've added another day or so to my no-MO streak. I'm tired again and am going to go to bed again.

    For the future

    Get counselling/therapy. Sooner or later.
     
  18. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Status

    308 days no porn, 4 days no MO. I've been doing okay over the past few days resisting the urge to MO. I haven't even gotten my sperm rag out of the laundry hamper. This might be possible after all. I feel slightly more manly now that I'm not masturbating, and I think my voice got lower, too.

    I am not sure how long I have to go without MO to reboot from porn. Maybe it's not so much how long I go without MO, but how much difficult life experiences I address with my brain and solve, trying to reboot my pre-frontal cortex.

    I'm reminded of TheUnderdog's epic post about not concentrating on streaks of no PMO/MO, but making a life plan and focusing it on that. I think I need to do both.

    Life plan

    I haven't worked on my life plan recently, but I think that's okay. I need to do some positive visualisation first.

    For the future

    Take it easy, read my self-help books and maybe do some positive visualisation.
     
    positivef likes this.
  19. breath

    breath Member

    i've been depleting my energy esp mental focus... with wanting to porn... yea thanks for the positive inspiration... maybe will have sex with the wife tonight i hope ! btw how does one start a new thread here?
     
  20. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Go to the journals section (just past the first section) of the home page, and find out which age category you belong in, and click Post New Thread on the top right of your screen. Thanks for your post to my journal and welcome to YBR!

    Status

    No porn since last, but two M sessions. I was thinking of a sexual moment between me and one of my girlfriends. Am I going to have to sort out all my memories with this girlfriend before I can be masturbation-free? Maybe. I didn't really need to do the second M session (no orgasm), but the first one felt unavoidable. Maybe that's okay and I'm just working stuff out.
     

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