Yes, people have told me that before. You're right. Maybe it's something I can work on. Thanks for your support, and I'm not just saying that to be polite! Other stuff to talk about I used to record all my PMOs on a calendar, or piece of paper, or somewhere. I did this even before I found out about YBOP. I was trying to quit, and writing it down made me feel better. I thought what I was doing was so wrong. I think it's still not appropriate, but it's not enormously wrong. Mostly it's just a bad idea and wrong for me to do. I don't have the nerve yet to make a calendar and write P, M, or O on it when I do those things. It's too depressing or something. I have been good since my last post (earlier today?). I am still wanting to see the psychologists. I feel very bad and crappy and I think it's because I have a lot of things in life bothering me, and because of the very bad porn binge a few days ago. I was just reminded that the psychologist might have a long waiting list. I intend not to let that discourage me. I reread some of my journal today, and I think it's okay, although I'm using the wrong words for things a lot and going off on things that don't matter sometimes. I think it's helping me reboot to read my own journal, and that I should do it more often. I need to make a physical piece of paper that contains all the lists of things I should do not to look at porn. I don't know why I am having a hard time with this idea. I'd probably even leave it out in the open unless someone I didn't know came in. I see you guys with the PMO tracker and I decided to get one. It's a good idea for accountability. I believe we should not focus on abstinence runs, but I think that being open and honest about how recently I've consumed porn will help a lot. I've set the counter for P and M, but not O. I'm fine with orgasm happening if it's with another person, although I doubt that will ever happen. Well, I think it won't happen soon, but I've got to get rid of this doubt that I'll ever have sex again. I know I said that I should post here less, but I think I should post here whenever I can think of something to say. It's probably really helping me reboot. It keeps my mind focused on rebooting. Otherwise I might just PMO until I die, or lose internet access because I got homeless or in jail or something. Although maybe I should be a lot more careful on the other journals, or leave them alone if I can't. I'm working on making more sense when I write. A lot is too abstract to be rational. I still have filtering on that might be the only reason I'm not looking at porn at the moment. Strange, I can disable it in a few minutes, and I know this, but it's still 95% or so effective to have filtering on. I hardly ever move to disable it, because because I know that it's the only thing keeping me from ruining my life. It's some kind of psychological barrier. Lately I have been a lot more distracted by ladies showing skin on TV, etc. This hasn't been a problem for a long time. You know why, it's probably because I ran out of my prescription, and the olanzapine deadens my sex drive. This sentence omitted because I'm trying to avoid overthinking things. I am unsure if I should go back on it, but below I say that I obviously should. I wonder if I need to have normal sexuality in order to reboot, but it probably has nothing to do with it. Life plan My life sucks very bad at the moment, so I'm going to work on that next. I'm under too much stress and difficulties to do with people, such as neighbours and professionals, even my dentists and doctors. I think that's the main thing bugging me now, and also having run out of my prescription, and also the very bad porn binge lately. I might have a support meeting today, with one of the real life people who's trying to support me getting mentally well, and I'll definitely bring up the prescription thing with him and see if I can get back on it. It seems like a pointless, bad idea to go without the prescription. In the mean time, possibly I should relax and not be hard on myself. It's not all my fault I can't get my prescription, or that I choose not to. I guess my life plan is to calm down and figure out what I should do about my problems. At least I'm not seriously physicall ill or hungry.