I Spit In The Face of Temptation [RELAPSE]

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by FromVictimToHero, May 2, 2012.

  1. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Hear me out guys. My life freakin sucks. Yep and alot at that. Just like you I was addicted to porn. Started with minimal things, ended with extreme, disgusting stuff.
    but now I am 48 days clean of porn and 3 days clean of Masturbation/Orgasm.

    You know what did just happen to me right now?

    My girlfriend of 2 months just told me that she had 7 past sexual partners and she's only 17 and I'm 18.
    She lied because she told me she had 2 past sexual partners (I was her 3rd but it turns out I was her 8th)
    I lost my virginity to her 3 weeks ago. And guess what? I tried with her 3 times till now and my dick
    would just go limp before penetrating her. She told me that she had never experienced this before and I thought
    it wasn't a big deal because 2 isn't that much, but 7? And I am the only one fucked up with this ED from them
    all ? Shit, life is though.

    I have no friends. Prior to meeting my girlfriend I was nothing but a loser, fapping to porn all day and smoking
    2 packs a day in front of a screen.

    I was 5 days clean of cigarettes but after this night, after she told me this little 'secret' of hers I binged
    and smoked 8 cigarettes in a matter of 2 hours.

    Now hear me out guys, I wont relapse I WONT. I wont masturbate. I will not smoke 1 more cigarette till I die.
    Despite my shitty life no I won't. Despite of all the people smoking I won't smoke. Despite all the people
    masturbating, I wont. Despite all the people getting drunk on alcohol, I won't.

    I am gonna go from a fuckin victim to a fuckin hero. I will lift weights daily. I will drink milk, lots of fuckin
    milk and eat lots of eggs and fruit and vegetables. I am a soldier in this life and the next.

    IF I CAN CHANGE EVERYBODY CAN! YOU CAN TOO! LOok at me! I don't even know if I will ever have successful sex
    in my whole entire life, but I will go on, and so will you!

  2. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Tempation

    Hiya Hero and welcome,
    I like your energy and positive attitude.
    I think you got a bit carried away with the font.lol
    Keep PMO-free, keep reading, and keep posting here.
  3. Re: I Spit In The Face of Tempation

    Welcome, man! Good to see that you've got a positive attitude!
    One of your problems will be fixed soon (ED) if you continue your reboot successfully. About the other stuff, like not having friends, that's a deeper eshoe than porn addiction, I think.
    But when you start having good sex, I think all will get gradually better...
    Does the number of past sexual partner bother you? In my opinion, that's an information no guy should know lol. There's never a good answer..
    Good luck!
  4. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Tempation

    It's not the number that bothers me, it's the functionality, meaning this ED thing that I have, makes me feel like shit. No wonder I didn't feel anything when I penetrated her, I know it's a rude thing to say but she's very loose. I will make 90 days but if after those 90 days I still have ED, I will take ED drugs... or injections or whatever it takes. She still also talks to her ex now and then and she gets lifts from him once in a while because I have no license, but I talked to her about him and she told me that she haven't talked to him in a month and won't ever again.
  5. Re: I Spit In The Face of Tempation

    Be careful, dude.
    Ex boyfriends are dangerous...
    Don't feel like shit. It wasn't your fault. Now you're doing everything you can to fix it. Feel like shit if you relapse, because then you'd be deliberately damaging yourself.
    You seem like you really like that girl...
  6. Re: I Spit In The Face of Tempation

    (Forgot to say that you souldn't t take my realtionship advices that seriously, because my experience is minimal haha)
  7. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Thanks brother, I know I know but from my experience, the more you worry about it and show her that you're insecure, the more dangerous it becomes, so it's better to act out like you're not giving a fuck ;) I will do this, and try anything to fix it ! And yeah I really like this girl, I wish she didn't do those things but what's done is done, on and on with life.

    Day 4

    Very few temptation to masturbate. Woke up with great morning wood, like 90%, which was surprising to say at the very least because last night I felt like shit and suicidal, you would think that I wouldn't wake up with any libido. I also have another problem, I haven't had an erection while standing up for years, not sure if I can... I can get one pretty easy while relaxed alone and thinking, but not when standing up, but when I am laying back or sitting down, it's possible. Maybe because my brain associates pleasure with the sitting and laying back positions.

    Cigarettes are very hard to beat though, but I will fight them. On and on.

    Here's a song for us addicts!

  8. Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Same here about not being able to get an erection standing up.
    4 days...keep going, dude. We can do this
  9. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    What are the odds that my topic name was an idea for your username, haha.

    Good luck on your journey.
  10. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Thank you Clean Hands!!! I really appreciate it brother, we can do this. Your words have been very encouraging, looking forward to all those benefits, although I'm already feeling much better about myself :)

    Haha, it fits this change of lifestyle :) Thanks and you too! :)

    Day 5 :

    Woke up with morning wood, not sure of strength. Last night I had lots of porn scenes in my head and it was really hard to stop them, I tried, but I am still not efficient enough to completely block them out, after almost 50 days of no Porn! I found myself unconciously dry humping the air last night while trying to sleep in my bed sideways, I didnt use my hand though, just my pelvis, just like real sex so I think it's not to bad and was nowhere near orgasm (obviously I have Delayed Ejaculation as well, it's hard enough to ejaculate with my hand, let alone dry humping the air!!) Other than that, no temptations throughout the rest of the whole day. Been busy with work, buying a present for my girlfriend (it's her birthday soon) and I also bought an electronic cigarette and I haven't touched tobacco in 24hrs. The Electronic cigarette made my lung pipe ache bad though :( Tomorrow I'm gonna spend the whole day with my girlfriend :)
  11. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 6 :

    Been with my girlfriend all day, got a couple of semi-boners from kissing her and feeling her up. At one time I had a massive boner but it didn't last long and when it went down, I felt pre-cum coming out and then I had pain in my lower abdomen for about 30 minutes, I've never experienced this before... :eek:
  12. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 7 :

    Woke up with an erection, woke up after a dream thinking I had ejaculated but when I checked my boxers were dry. Also stayed a couple of hours with the webcam with my girlfriend (haven't done this before.. with my girlfriend.. is it bad for the reboot?)
  13. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 8 :

    Woke up with another erection after having another weird dream in which I orgasmed. I woke up quickly and checked my boxers but thankfully they were dry, I thought I relapsed! Yesterday I felt pretty horny because of the webcam thing with my girlfriend so I'm not doing it again, although we did nothing but talk. Almost 1/10 of the way to 90 days! Bring it on!
  14. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 9 :

    Seen my girlfriend but it's been a tough day to break through, she has problems of her own and I try the best I can to help her go through life, while at the same time trying to help myself. No morning wood, couple of semis through kissing my girlfriend. Also I find that before I sleep, I start thinking of my girlfriend now and not in a overly sexual way, just thinking about those slow passionate kisses starts to get things moving downstairs.

    Day 10 :

    Shitty day. Massive disappointment this morning because of work. Girlfriend probs as well. If hell exists, I must be going through it. Well, the show must go on. I am 12% into my reboot.
  15. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 11 :

    Bad day. Bored at home though no cravings, I think I might be depressed too, so I get less libido and cravings because my mind is filled with other things. Today after argumenting with my girlfriend, I started joking and told her "I know how will I die, overdosing on viagra" and even though we both busted laughing, it was depressing for me, just the thought of it. So there's another reason for this reboot gentleman! Let's do this!
  16. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Day 12 :

    Argumented with my gf again but it was very mild, as always, didn't last for more than 30 minutes. I expressed to her that I wasn't feeling good enough for her, because of this ED, etc etc but now it's all sorted out. Today while taking a shower and trying to retract my foreskin, I noticed that my foreskin has become considerably tighter around the head of my penis, and I think this is a good sign. So far this reboot is perfect, no masturbation and definitely no orgasm, I've barely touched my penis in those 12 days!
  17. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    She is VERY supportive :)

    Day 13 :

    Met my girlfriend, was very horny but everything was still limp. We cuddled, kissed, lay in bed and at one time she wanted to give me a BJ but then decided not to because of this reboot. At one point we started masturbating each other (with clothes on) and the erection was probably 70% or so but I was no where near orgasm (I have delayed ejaculation plus this ED thing so it's not easy for me to orgasm, fortunately for this reboot) and we stopped this after about 3-4 minutes. She also slept over and I started dry humping her though I didnt touch my dick with my hands so at least I imitated sexual intercourse rather than masturbation.

    Day 14 :

    Great day with my girlfriend :) Kissing, cuddling, more re-wiring, had some urges, dry humped a bit while cuddling but then everything subsided.
  18. Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    haha. Don't we all?
    Keep going, FromVictimToHero. You have this reboot by the balls haha.
    Good to see that you've got such a supportive girlfriend. How do you think she's influencing the reboot?
    Best of luck
  19. FromVictimToHero

    FromVictimToHero New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Haha you'll get one eventually :p Well, she's very supportive, I mean VERY much so, it's almost her birthday and I've been very busy preparing for it, wrapping the gift, preparing events for that day, etc etc! The only thing that I don't like is, that when I see her it's like I become INSTANTLY horny, it's like I start to dry humping her unconsciously sometimes lol

    Days 15, 16, 17, 18 :

    Been a very busy week. Applied for a new job, preparing for my girlfriend's birthday and playing some (or a lot) of Diablo III. I've been spending too much time on the computer due to this game, I mean like 6-7 hours daily! Do you think this is bad? (Dopamine-wise speaking) Although I've never been tempted to look at porn in those 4 days. Very mild masturbation tempation, didnt give in. I started noticing more women too!

    Yesterday there was this woman (maybe 20-22 yrs old) and I was in father's car waiting for him to come back, and as she passed I just sorta automatically started checking her out and she looked at me at the same time, it was a great moment lol, and that's not the best thing about it, she looked at me again, so she checked me out too! :p haha It's kind of stupid I know, given that I have a girlfriend, but it happened randomly, just automatically I guess, don't know how to explain it!

    Also, 18 days no MO and not even one wet dream.. I thought I would have one by now! ???

    Looking forward to the 20s range days, bring it on!
  20. forgotten1

    forgotten1 New Member

    Re: I Spit In The Face of Temptation

    Sucks what happened between you and your girl, but your on the right path now and im happy for you.

    On a side note, are you sure you want to be drinking milk all day. I used to drink milk all the time until one day I decided to switch to water, and I never felt healthier. I even seen my skin look healthier. Seriously. Milk does nothing for you.

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