I remember that it hurts....

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by John Doe, Apr 12, 2020.

  1. John Doe

    John Doe New Member

    ... after completing yet another PMO session.

    I do recall sitting with friends in a basement of a friend's house, watching a soft core movie called "prisoners of love". I must have been around 16 years old. I am now 34. That was my first encounter with pornos. It obviously had quite an impact on me as I still remember the movie title after all these years.

    Between then and now, a lot has happened. Without going into too many details, I've had a number of relationships which turned out to be longer in duration the older I got. My last serious relationship was 4 years ago when I was engaged (yes, engaged!) with a woman. After six years and just a few months short of the wedding, I broke up. Since then, I dated and had mostly short-term acquaintances. The break-up was not related to PMO or anything related to that subject.

    Even throughout my 20s, I did not consume porn. I did MO because I had what at that time felt like normal, sexual urges. When I was in relationships, I did not (P)MO at all.

    However, over the last couple of months, I have started to see a pattern, meaning that I relied on PMO to fight emotional challenges (stress, uncertainty, bad news...). Also, I feel that I put myself under increasing pressure due to the fact that I am one of the few singles in my circle of friends. PMO It helped me to gain positive feelings, also as a response to feelings of loneliness due to being single. After months of regular PMOing (usually once a day, sometimes 2-3 times), I noticed that I literally get a slight pressure feeling right on my forehead, but ONLY after finishing off on PMO. I had this checked out by a doctor and there is no underlying health condition.

    Now, the last time I PMOed was on 4th April. No MO since then. I am feeling good so far. This pressure feeling is gone, I feel emotionally more balanced and I feel like I am more attentive. I know that I just started. The first 2-3 days, I woke up with a boner... now, I am just flatlining.

    When I look at my personal situation, everything is fine. I have a good family, a solid social network, a good job that pays well and that I feel fulfilled in, I work out 4x/week and are in a good physical shape (doing high-interval workouts at home - damn Covid-19). One could say that the ' prerequisites' are positive! On a personal note, I am a typical cancer star-sign, with all it's pros and cons.

    I see this right now as an experiment. I do not feel that I sacrifice on something right now. There are moments when I question my manhood because of the lack of sexual activity - although I believe PMO cannot be called sexual quality one can be proud of. But these are flashes of weaknesses that usually go by in a matter of seconds.

    My personal objective is to eliminate porn out of my life - this is a hard objective for me! I do want to MO again at some point in the future, though I do not put a hard deadline on this. Research on these topics say that anything from 30-90 days is solid.. well my goal of no PMO for now is 30 days. I take it day by day.

    Thank you all for reading my story.
  2. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Welcome John.
    I'm also new to this site and the whole nofap experience/experiment. Im at day 6 of no PMO.
    It sounds like you're grounded and in a good place to see this through so good luck mate.

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