I really wish someone could answer this questions on HOCD!

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Iwannachange2021, Mar 2, 2021.

  1. I need some help on this HOCD issue of mine.
    I started this streak 12 days ago. I'm being successful up till now because I think I finally realized how detrimental PMO is for a dude. I don't want to go back to looking at porn.
    While I was living my life as a porn addicted I had several sex experiences with transsexuals and I really liked it. It was good sex and I had fun. Transsexual sex was my favorite category watching P. Most of the times I was watching either shemale porn or shemele porn plus gay porn (I escalated even further, but most of the time it was shemale porn).
    Let me tell you how I feel about it though, because I think it is necessary to clear things up.
    When it comes to affection, pair-bonding and relationship I see myself as a typical stereotyped heterossexual male. That guy who wants to be a provider, a father figure for a family and have a beautiful wife by his side. I want that one day, but not now. I'm 33 years old and I wanna enjoy my life as a single man, I love travelling and dating girls from different cultures. On the other hand, I see sex as something fun also. I don't know why and if I'm wrong for thinking this way but I think sex is fun for grown-ups, and I love to have it for fun.
    Yesterday I watched this guy video on youtube and he was teaching you how to face HOCD through this ERP thing and he got to this point he tells you to let your intrusive thoughts flow by and I had groinal response to it. I was of course thinking about transsexual sex.
    After having a few beers I went to bed and I fantasized a few minutes about transsexual sex, I had something like half an erection, but It was so boring using my imagination to get such a insignificant and unrealistic moment that I got tired of it quickly and went to think about something else and I finally went to sleep.

    Every since I started this streak I am in a flat line. I feel good about quitting, I exercise every day, I'm more focused on working and spending my time on stuff that is positive to me, but if feels shitty to have a dead dick. I know it ain't gonna last forever but I want it back.

    My big questions are, when I get back to having sex with real partners, what path should I take?
    Is it bad for me to have sex for fun with a transsexual partner?
    Do I have to stick to my actual sexual orientation and try to only have sex with real female partners and only?
    So if I wanna be free from porn, do I have to stick to a regular heterossexual routine and start looking for a girlfriend(future wife) even though I don't feel like marrying until I get at least 35,36?
    Is having sex for fun something bad or shameful or detrimental?
    Am I bissexual?

    As you can see, I have a lot of questions. I really need some help to clear up my mind
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2021
  2. Rebel

    Rebel Active Member

    Want my opinion?
    yep, it's very bad.
    best choice.
    Maybe that would help. There are many sexually active porn addicts out there though.
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  3. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    You don't have to do anything. I'd suggest trying not to put too much pressure on yourself. Having said that, I'm guessing your attraction to Trans women is p0rn induced. My recommendation would therefore be to continue to abstain from PMO (of all kinds). In the mean time continue to focus on those things that are having a positive impact in your life. Also, if you want to do the things you mentioned (have a wife/family) the time to act is NOW - get yourself into the right frame of mind, mentally, physically, sexually instead of hoping things will just fall into place 2-3 years from now.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2021
  4. Yes. I have to agree with you. Because this attraction started after having contact with trans porn. I've never had contact with trans women before that...didn't even know how it feels like.
    Rebel likes this.
  5. Shit...I quitted porn but I feel like I don't wanna quit the fun...and If it's all porn induced than I don't know myself...I don't know what actually turns me on.
  6. What I used to think is "if I quit PMOing I can stay away from unrealistic sex and have some real fun after getting healed"
    Guess I was wrong...
  7. I always think of that because I think my situation is kind of different. I'm single and I aint sad for being single. My battle is against my own self. I don't have to change for a partner...
    I wanna stop PMOing and that is my first big move, Still that are others to come.
  8. Rebel

    Rebel Active Member

    Man, I wasn't talking about the fun. I was talking about having sex with transsexuals like stuffing your dick in other people's asses. This shit is really bad for you.
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  9. I've got you right. Thanks for your opinion man. It really helps listening to other guys point of view.
    Rebel likes this.
  10. lifereversal

    lifereversal New Member

    I'm heterosexual and I've noticed that I'm attracted to shemales because my brain gets confused. I'm attracted to breasts and female faces and I feel indifferent when seeing a cock. Watching gay porn is a boner killer for myself and this is how I know I'm not bisexual either. Have you ever sucked a shemales cock and enjoyed it?

    There's no sense is trying to be someone who you're not. Be yourself.
  11. To tell you the truth, I enjoy sex with shemales. It's fun. But as I said before, I don't know if this is the real me or something I've became induced by porn.
    I really believe in the concept of plasticity. I started PMO so early in life I don't even remember how it is living without it then.
    If I recall all my relationships in my life up till now there is only one I was in without watching porn behind her back, which was the very first one. I was 16. I started watching porn earlier than that but I don't remember being so deep in it.
    All of my relationship after this one, I was secretly watching mostly shemale porn and by the age of 18 I had my fist time with a shemale.
    I think this kinda shaped my sexuality.
    I've been single for a long time now and I'm in my 20th streak day.
    Fortunatly, my penis doesn't feel numb anymore. I'm not having morning woods yet though.
    20 days away from it and the most defficult thing about it is stop fantasizing about shemale sex.
    The thing about it is: I know it's HOCD because I think about it obsessively and repeatedly, on the other hand this is one type of sex that I have so much fun...so...
    I know what to do, I know this doesnt sound natural, but I miss it anyway.
    It's getting weaker, but I do miss it.
    I don't know what I'm gonna do when I'm finally recovered.
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2021
  12. Well...
  13. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Hey, we're the same age. Not going to say our situation is precisely the same, but it's similar.

    Regarding this notion of your identity (or future aspirations): "That guy who wants to be a provider, a father figure for a family and have a beautiful wife by his side."

    Is this compatible with a lifestyle of sleeping with lots of different women? Not really. Women don't want a guy like that. Not unless you're super-rich, great at sneaking around (which takes money), and/or your woman would get to sleep around to. Maybe you want that. You'll need to make some hard decisions. You can't have everything. You've seen enough porn. Maybe you've slept with (more than!) enough different women already.


    ETA: you want to live free for one phase of life, perhaps, then switch to a different phase of monogamy. It'll be a hard transition. Maybe you want to make it easier on yourself by changing your habits before you need to.
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  14. Well this is a point of view. Maybe I haven't seen things from that perspective.
    Maybe I'm not ready to leave my past behind...
    Are you in a streak too?
    Thanks for sharing knowledge!
  15. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Do whatever the hell you want. Looking for answers to what YOU should do on an anonymous forum that might be heavily skewed to a certain ideology or mental framework (heavily religious, taking extreme views compared to general population etc.) is just crazy.
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  16. Yeah, I am way more inclined to agree with you. I feel like doing whatever I want except PMO. It helps to get in contact with other's point of view because it kinda adds positive points to your thoughts and actions but of course as soon as I feel free from porn I'm gonna do whatever I want, whatever type of sex I want and get a wife and a family in my right time...
    My urgency is to break free from porn and nothing else.

    Still I'm thankful for all the contributions here.
  17. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    You refer to marriage as something hypothetical that will happen anyway. You do not sound as you are excited to get married but in order to be pictured that way even by yourself. I've been happily married for 4 years. My advice is, if sex is not VERY exciting and fun and only gets better, do not get married!!! You do not have to get married at all! I read your real trouble is your orientation. You sound confused and guilty. Only you can tell your real orientation. If you are not hurting or lying to yourself or your partner(s), there's nothing shameful in it. Have all the sex you want with whomever you want, be sure to enjoy it, and stay true to yourself!!!

    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  18. You're right.

    I think I just fantasize about me getting married because that's what society expects from every heterossexual male.

    I feel like it is something I really don't need to be happy but on the other hand there's this necessity of having ppls approval.

    I don't know what I want but for sure I know I don't wanna get married because if that were my strongest will I'd be married already, so...
    Wolf333 likes this.
  19. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Close your eyes and imagine entering a nice cozy room with bar service and a happy old man waiting for you with your favourite drink. He's smiling at you, he can't wait for you to tell him what you plan to do with the rest of your life. Imagine he is your old self. That's the only person on this planet who's approval you should be worried about. You absolutely know what you want, just make HIM proud!!! Whatever it takes.

    After you do it ask yourself... Go do it first!


    What is he wearing? And drinking? Where does he live? Is he married? Get to know him.

    Hope that helps. Good luck!
    Doper and Iwannachange2021 like this.
  20. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Doing things just for the sake that it's what (our current) society expects is a recipe for absolute disaster. Everything in life is opportunity costs, you can't have everything, so you have to choose what is most important to YOU. Do you want to get married? ... well, that's it for other women. Do you want kids? ...well, if you want to be a good father you are going to have to spend huge amounts of time and money on them, and so aren't going to have time to excel at and master anything else, so you're goal for life better to be just a good father (not many around, so that's noble enough). Want a nice house and a nice car? ... Well, you're going to be held down by them, so you better find a stable job, and you better like it, because you are going to be working until retirement age (no getting financially independent early for you), and no life of travel and leisure and mastering crafts. Do you want to get financially independent young? ... Well, no new cars or houses, or wingdings, or kids, or toys, or demanding women for you....and because you will have to have laser focus, you will not be described as well-rounded, but after that initial decade or so, you can do whatever the hell you want if you succeed.
    It's all choices.
    What you can do about the getting married and having kids thing, is if you work somewhere with many men you trust, or you just know lots of married dudes with kids, go and ask them if they would do it over.... I've done this, or I might say, the information and personal opinions of the gentlemen were offered up to me without my asking for it. And these people were not odd-man-out lowlifes. My one buddy was complaining about being married and having kids before either deal had even been done...But then there are the guys that love being married and having kids. There is no doubt having a GOOD woman in your corner will positively affect your life outcome, but that has nothing to do with getting married. As a great comedian once quipped: "Baby, I love you so much, I think we should get the government in on this shit".
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.

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