I need sexual healing

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by thrillbyte, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. thrillbyte

    thrillbyte Guest

    Day 1

    I need sexual healing - healing myself from a sexual addiction to PMO


    For a while I’ve been reading about porn addiction and from all the information/science based research I 100% know I’m addicted. THIS IS SERIOUS. I’ve read other accounts of rebooters, made a couple of posts and I feel so motivated, maybe most people feel like that on day 1 of quitting and it will be much harder as I go on but hey ho this is my journal and today is day one so I’ll focus on today rather than the struggle ahead

    - I’ve written a list of why I want to quit
    - I’ve read successful accounts- I know it’s possible to reboot
    - I want a real relationship, not just sex but getting to know women, dating, exploring, having fun and if that leads to sex than great!
    - I know if I quit porn I will feel more manly and less like a sweaty perv
    - I’ve bought good headphones so I can have eargasms – something I enjoy and can focus on (eargasms is a jokey term for enjoying music – don’t get excited nothing will be squirting out of my ears)
    - I think this site is great and I believe it will help a lot
    - Had a good day and I will wake up tomorrow get on with things write stuff down and hopefully have another good day
    - I’m also doing some work on positive thinking and self improvement – quiting porn is part of my self improvement

    Briefer
    I’m 22, I consider myself a gentleman and I am attracted to women. I haven’t had a girlfriend since 2007 and I haven’t had sex or any form of sexual practice with a woman since early 2009 – and when that did happen I couldn’t “perform” I seem unable to cum to anything other than my smutty porn sessions. I often feel ashamed by what I watch. Sometimes it feels like I’m forcing out a wank while my brain enjoys whatever smut I watch. Sometimes I get a slight horny feeling and straight away watch porn and masturbate impulsively – obviously only when I’m on my own indoors, I wouldn’t just whip out my phone in public, watch porn and buff the banana…lol although if this continues I could end up like that *shivers*

    Love this quote: “The highest reward for man’s toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it”
     
  2. MikesB

    MikesB Member

    Gentleman, welcome onboard! ;)

    Seems like you've learned a lot from stories that you've read. ;) Take it day by day, step by step. Reboot is wonderful proces of exploring yourself. The word "reboot" really suits there. :D

    Good luck!
     
  3. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Hi Thrillbyte,

    Welcome to the forum!
    I really like your approach to this. It sounds like you are starting well prepared :)
    I agree with MikesB: take it step by step.
    Quiting porn for the rest of your life is a hard goal to archieve. I think it helps to create steps or some short term goals which seem more doable. Celebrate when you hit those goals, it helps to build positive momentum.

    I like your list of reasons to quit porn. I have done the same and it helps me in the difficult moments.

    Good luck with your challenge!

    Gr. Nick
     
  4. thrillbyte

    thrillbyte Guest

    [size=x-large] Day 2

    It's nice having support from other users of this site (thanks chaps) I’m enjoying being connected to others doing the same thing, I have read some journals, posted reply's, posted topics, read other topics etc etc and soaked up very useful info/tips

    Still feeling very motivated. Twice in the day I got a horny sensation in my penis area – like an inner calling to PMO, the second time I focused on the feeling and it carried on/grew stronger but then I made a conscious effort to distract myself and it went - that was good.

    Installed K9 web filter to block porn and I can’t delete it without timely hassle, by which time – if I was trying to watch porn, hopefully I will have come to my senses

    I feel like one of those monks that takes a vow of celibacy, definitely not shaving my head and keeping just a pony tail though lol

    I’ve read other ways of rebooting and just cutting out porn, and seeing how long you can go without masturbating but do it if you really need to, it was intriguing but I want to do my 90 day challenge of no PMO so I forget how everything downstairs works and eventually relearn in a healthy way, like a re-born virgin both with and without someone.

    Adding stuff to my "why quit" list. I need to remember to read it often

    Read some articles/ medical information about “the need to ejaculate” and apparently – contrary to popular belief there are no detrimental effects to not masturbating. If my body really needs to ejaculate it will: in my sleep (wet dream)

    I’m going to try and achieve 8 milestones/challenges
    1 week
    2 weeks
    3 weeks
    1 month
    45 days
    2 months
    75 days
    3 months (90 day challenge complete)

    Distractions, distractions and more distractions - got a few goodens in place
     
  5. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Looking good Thrillbyte! 8)

    Good move to install the K9 filter. I didn't do it in my first reboot attempt and this resulted in a relapse after a few weeks when I came home drunk. I think it helps to make your realize what you are doing when you are trying to watch porn.

    I like your "why quit list". Knowing vividly why I wanted to quit porn and continue my reboot has helped me already a couple of times. I think knowing this is essential to keep motivated as well.

    I think it's smart to read articles (for instance on ybop) to gain more knowledge about porn addiction and the reboot process. You know when things could become hard and what positive effects you could expect in the end.

    I found breaking your 90/100-day goal down in measurable steps is very usefull to stay positive and motivated. Every time you hit a milestone you have something to "celebrate". Before you know you are counting weeks instead of days :)

    I will follow your journal. You come across like you are taking this reboot serious and I like to read motivating and inspiring journals to keep myself on track. Good luck man!

    Gr. Nick
     
  6. thrillbyte

    thrillbyte Guest

    [SIZE=x-large] Day 3 [/SIZE]

    Today was alright, other than some irritation/ anger that I strongly felt which eventually passed.

    I remember a while back, a couple of years I think, I stayed at my friends house and had some drinks. I stayed over, so did one of his sisters friends. I slept on the sofa bed downstairs and later in the night his sisters friend came down and got in bed with me, woop! And so… were fooling around, just kissing and touching,I got erections but not full ones it would go away after a couple of minutes, came back every now and then but never lasted. Yet when I’ve watched porn, often, I’d be very aroused and have a pretty solid boinker (erection) but when I’d start searching for something else or get bored of the scene it would just go away – this proves my brains desire for novelty and hyper stimulation – new/more extreme porn and also the addiction process of escalation. The girl was nice and I did find her attractive but I couldn’t do much as if I had E.D at such a young age – this is another motivator – getting my mojo back!.

    Got to remember why I want to reboot, I know for definite that the long term use of PMO has numbed my pleasure response and it will take time to restore the sensitivity I’m rebooting, rewiring, and re learning.

    I’m hopeful/positive about my challenges that will lead to a greater goal

    I’m keeping it up so eventually I can really keep it up.

    I’ve been working on other areas of my life that need improvement, I’m not on a mad quest to completely change myself, just making healthy changes – focusing on what keeps me well with minimal stress, It’s going alright – early days still
     
  7. thrillbyte

    thrillbyte Guest

    [size=14pt]Days 4 and 5[/size]

    Seems my libido has gone, I haven’t had any erections or sex drive, I have had small urges for porn but they soon went. Also, I have had fleeting thoughts about PMO but managed to stick to my reboot.

    I find myself thinking about what a woman really is and what I want. Not just a sex object or a means of getting off but also elegant, unique figures, there are various characters, personalities and features that I am intrigued to explore and find out what I really like rather than just thinking – tits, arse and a nice face, that’ll do.

    I often have nervous feelings and tension when I am with women, like there an alien species and I don’t know how to relax around them, been so long out of the game. – I think with my reboot it may become a little easier to interact because the only way I can “get off” will be to find a suitable women and get jiggy wit it. I have seen reference to this in many rebooting accounts. I won't just rely on that though, I will also try to build my confidence in other ways.

    I am getting feelings of annoyance, like I’m pissed off and inpatient about something – this is probably linked to the reboot, It can be uncomfortable but I am managing to stay calm, albeit the one time I rudely snapped at someone, nothing too major, luckily it soon settled

    Cool quote: “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies”
     
  8. MikesB

    MikesB Member

    It's funny that significant amount of us notice this change in their tastes. Woman is no longer only beautiful but it becomes smart or funny or so... It's exactly like you wrote. :D

    I have the same issue with being stressed when I'm with some girl. I used to be terrified that she could be into something more than talking! Guys, do you know some technique to calm down and be relaxed?

    Before I started my last attempt I was stressed and pissed off really often. Even my friends have noticed that I'm calmer. :) But it's obvious when you start to say: "Hope she/he is satisfied with herself" instead of abusing like "That fucked..." :D
     
  9. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Thrillbyte!

    How are you doing? Let us know!

    Gr. Nick
     

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