I am 18. I started masturbating at a young age, 11 i think. It started off with soft porn, and i slowly progressed into hard porn. About 4 years ago I started watching kinky porn, especially cross-dressing hypno videos. In my peak, I was masturbating 3-4 times a day on cross-dressing hypno or images with captions about the fantasy. I have a very strong case of PIED. When i watch porn, even straight porn, I always get a boner. However, in real life, I can't get an erection with a girl (as I could at the age of 12/3 for example) and can only get hard with the thought of cross-dressing gay thoughts. I have never been gay and I believe I am not, the thought sickens me, especially since I know before the addiction I wasn't. However, I'm worried that the porn addiction has turned me gay (if that's possible), or at least too far addicted such that a reboot is too far out of reach. I hope not. Recently, I tried to do it with a girl I have always fancied, but I couldn't get a boner (on multiple occasions) and the only way I could get hard was by imagining the porn fantasies. She eventually left for another guy. I was depressed after realising I have PIED and could've turned myself gay. I have never really had suicidal tendencies, but after thinking about the porn situation, and the fact that I'm missing out on sex, important for teens at my age, I tried to kill myself, which has only left my parents more worried than ever. I have no idea what to do. I would give up everything just to have my pre-addiction mindset & sexuality back but I don't know how to reboot as you guys seem to be able to do. Do I just not fap and avoid sex for a year until I'm ready? I feel like that won't be strong enough, and I fear the suicide and depression may replaces. I appreciate this post is too personal to be helpful but I'm all out of ideas. Help is very much needed and appreciated.