I love porn...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mopal, May 30, 2019.

  1. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    I love porn. But it is just taking up too much time, sucking up my energy, stealing my focus and oh yeah, causing ED. But apart from that I love porn...

    Porn has been in my life for the last 40 years (I'm 50 now) and I really hate to let it go. I feel porn is part of my identity and made me who I am and the thought of giving it up is frightening and I debate with myself if it is really necessary and wether it should be for good or only a temporary stop.

    So I've come up with a compromise: no PMO for six months - straight. After that I will have to have a serious talk with myself wether or not pick up porn again. I do sincerely hope that I after six months without PMO will see the benefits in quitting for good....
     
  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Welcome sir. I hope your experiment goes well. All the best. This forum is a good place to post and get feedback
     
  3. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    Thank you @Boxer17! I know this won't be easy - I've tried and failed before, but I have to believe it can be done...
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2019
  4. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    Slept quite well, the sun is shining and I have a day off - whats not to like? I have a lot to do today, many tasks that would be satisfying to get done (vote in our election, repair the shower, tidy up my house, exercise, work on my certification and lots more).
    I better get started, since I know that the biggest threat right now is boredom. I do think about PMO, but it is not an urge - just a reminder that I have skipped something very familiar...
    Well, up and out! Have a good day all of you!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  5. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    Slept really bad! Had very unpleasant dreams about my girlfriend pushing me out of our relationship in favour of another man. I know where that comes from and I think it has more to do with her plans for the summer vacation, than fear of losing her to another man.
    Anyway, no porn related issues - that is, no thoughts or urges, so that's good. Today is Saturday, so I can spend the day as I want :)
     
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Enjoy another porn-free day!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    @Gilgamesh - I will - thank you - you too!

    I slept really bad, perhaps because I ate too late or perhaps because my girlfriend was laying next to me - the bed is a bit small in the summerhouse. I woke up at 4am, lay in bed so I didn't wake her and I fantasized a little about the next visit of our bull (we have a stag/vixen/bull relationship). I haven't watched porn, I haven't masturbated or orgasmed, and I guess a little fantasy is ok?
    Yesterday we had an argument about the vacation plans. I feel that she is not prioritizing our vacation, but instead her own - with her parents and her children. I know this is important too, and I feel somewhat stupid for my feelings in this regard. I guess we landed it ok - I will join her in Spain with her kids and perhaps meet her a couple of days before that in Morocco. We will see.
     
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    My experience with fantasy is that it is the detonator to the explosive that PMO is. For me it always initiates a sequence of increasing intensity of artificial sexual stimulation: sexual thought, fantasy, edging, porn subs, porn peeking, PM, PMO, PMO binge. When the sequence is started, it is really difficult to stop. Easiest is to stop it at the level of where thought can turn into fantasy.
     
  9. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    To be honest you need to drop the fantasy immediately. Mr G is correct fantasy is a timebomb ! Pmo is almost a sure thing next! You must be concerned about self NOT her! I know sounds selfish but there are other ways to be concerned about her without sacrificing self.
     
    Boxer17 and Mopal like this.
  10. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    @Gilgamesh : I see your point and I don't disagree with you. However, my (previous) reluctance to quit porn is (I guess) the same reluctance I have against quitting fantasizing: I am afraid to lose my sexual drive and interest in sex altogether. Do you suggest quitting fantasizing permanently or just as a temporary weapon against porn addiction?

    I love sex and I am thankful that it is a part of my life. Perhaps it plays a too big part, not sure how to measure that... No doubt that porn is a way too big part in my life and if quitting fantasizing is a temporary tool to end this porn addiction, so be it.
     
  11. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    @Bobo : I hear you and I will stop fantasizing whenever I realise that that is what I am doing.
     
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I think that an important question is why you fantasize. Does it give you fulfillment and lasting satisfaction or is it a way to escape reality and avoid pain. For me it is the latter. It doesn't make me feel good on the long run. Together with being a stepping stone to PMO, I have decided to quit. But that may be completely different for you.

    You don't have to be afraid to loose your appetite for sex. I think it will rather intensify, shifting the focus from shallow visual stimulation to more intense whole body experience.
     
    MissingSelfCompassion likes this.
  13. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    @Gilgamesh: Why we fantasize is a good question. For me, I think it is a way of building up lust and sexual desire - which I do not think necessarily is a bad thing IF the fantasies:
    1. Revolve around my relationship with my girlfriend
    2. Could be shared with my girlfriend
    3. Does not objectify my girlfriend
    4. Does not exceed her (and my) boundaries
    5. Does not take up much time
    I agree with you, that fantasizing should not be an escape from reality from reality and if it leads to PMO obviously it is counter productive. I can see the benefit of abstaining from fantasy for a period of time, blocking thoughts of sex out when we are rebooting and breaking free from our addiction.
    Further down my path to recovery I might see things differently... :)
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  14. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    So it turns out that hangovers does make me want to PMO - as if I didn't knew... Played poker with the guys last night and I drank a bit too much wine. But I won! :) Today is Constitution Day and also happens to be election day. I've done my duty and voted and I've taken the day off - the sun is shining, I'm horny but determined not to PMO!
     
  15. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Good job! Carry on !
     
  16. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey @Mopal - just thought I'd say a bit of a late 'Hi & welcome!'

    The guys have given you some great advice - hope things are going OK and the hangover is fading. Keep going!
     
  17. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    Hi @Lowdo !
    Thank you so much. Things are great here. I'm on day 8 without much effort or urges - only one time where I actually considered PMO, but it was pure boredom and I went for a run instead :)
    All good with you?
     
  18. Mopal

    Mopal New Member

    I'm fasting at the moment. 23 hours and 45 minutes so far, but it is still a long way to the five days I've planned. I've done five days once before and some shorter (1-3 days), and I know today will be the toughest one. I have no hunger now, but I know the waves of hunger will roll in during the day. Later I will pick up my daughter at my ex wife and drive her (my daughter that is) to the boarding school and I know that my ex will ask me to join them for dinner - which would be nice and cosy, but not today....
    I fast primarily due to health reasons, but also as a boost of confidence and self esteem. Beating hunger and being in control of my urges (food and also pmo) is a tremendous feeling. I eat when I want to eat - not when my brain tell me to.
     
  19. forlorn

    forlorn Active Member

    Those fantasies are perfectly healthy so I think that's OK. However you should aim to avoid any fantasies about porn for a period of time otherwise the neural pathways that made you addicted remain open (at least that's how I understand it).
     
  20. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Need to be careful with fantasies, they are often a slippery slope! They keep you out of the moment and put your attention even if you're participating with a lover somewhere that is not reality. In my opinion they are the sister to pmo. Reason I say that is I lived with fantasies for many years. Fantasy can be quite formidable.
     

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