I know it's early, but I'm discouraged

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by 57yrold, Nov 27, 2017.

  1. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    I'm 40 days no PMO.

    While I'm proud of myself for this achievement, I'm not seeing any benefits at all. Not really even seeing any changes.

    I realize that it's still early. I know many have taken a really long time to reboot, so 40 days is nothing, but I'd like to at least see something.

    No wet dreams, no morning wood, no erection when my wife and I fool around. Zero.

    The only thing that's different is that I'm super attracted to my wife. I can't keep my hands off her and we kiss, cuddle, and fool around often. I love her so much!

    NO PMO though. Even when we're messing around. Neither one of us touches my penis.

    Any thoughts or suggestions?

  2. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Welcome to YBR.

    You may not want to hear this, but I wouldn't expect to see benefits for quite some time; this should encourage you not discourage you.
    90 to 180 days clean is just the beginning of your new porn free life. It was for me anyway...others can chime in.

    I'm not sure where you got your information on receiving benefits from a reboot but low libido, no morning wood, no erections are what you should be experiencing right now. You're fine.

    And again this should encourage you, I hope?

    Can you tell us a little bit about your high speed internet P habit? Years of use? How frequently you watched? Duration of sessions? Did the genres escalate into things you found disturbing?

    All these factors have a lot to do with recovery time...and in addition the recovery time should shrink if you exercise, meditate, de-stress, set and achieve goals in your life, etc. Dopamine receptors love these things, and so does your brain in it's entirety.
  3. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    Thanks for the reply.

    Yeah, I'm quite certain that I'm just in a long flatline, but I can't help but feel negative and discouraged.

    I've been PMO for quite a while, but it's escalated in the past 5-6 years as I've gone through an extremely stressful period. I think my porn use was a way to escape the daily hell.

    In the last 5-6 years I'd PMO maybe 2-3 times a week. Usually less than 1 hour, but edging the entire time. (I know that's bad...)

    The good news is I gave up porn almost 10 weeks ago, and I haven't looked back. No desire what so ever to look at it ever again. Done.

    After I quit porn, I still MO'd with my wife, three times. Didn't like that so at about 4-5 weeks decided I should have started with hardmode. Started that 40 days ago and I'm absolutely committed to staying clean.

    I've decided that I'm not going to MO again until one of two things happens:

    1. My ED and DE are gone and I can O via 'normal' sex. (PIV, Oral, etc.)


    2. I die.

    It's that simple. I'm totally committed to the program.
    Saville likes this.
  4. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke New Member

    Just keep at it. I'm nearly up to 90 days, and had the same results as you for ages (except I had a couple of decent morning woods and one wet dream). In the last week I've had a couple of really strong ones though, and I'm starting to think I could have sex if I get the chance soon. So I think it's far too soon for you to feel discouraged. It's not linear, so you won't necessarily feel half recovered after half a reboot. Wait and see how you feel in another six weeks (but even if nothing's changed then, I'd still say stick at it for another six weeks).
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Keep going, bro'. So many more good things coming your way with sobriety. :)
  6. Ditto what everyone else says. I applaud your resolve.

    I encourage you to 3 things:

    1. Keep going. That you are noticing your wife more and you are desiring her more is the clearest sign that things are improving. Even in the earliest days of a restart in the midst of a flatline I realized that I noticed people more than when I was fapping. Notice turns to desire, desire turns to more desire, more desire ... well I do not want to ruin the surprise but it'll happen sooner than you think.
    2. Stop thinking about it. I find the more I think about it the less things work. PIED creates a ripple effect. For me and I think for others as I've read journals here a PIED failure creates anxiety. Anxiety in and of itself can cause ED. So just chill brother! So easy to say! So difficult to do.
    3. An issue from personal experience. You PMO'd as a way to escape the daily hell. Is the daily hell still with you? How are you managing that? Are you being healthy with it or stumbling into other self medicating behaviors. Sometimes those behaviors will contribute to ED.

    Good luck! And Welcome!
  7. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    My young daughter was diagnosed with cancer about six years ago. She fought like a lion for 5 years. Tons of chemo/treatments/surgeries/etc. She stayed so strong and so positive, and amazingly she was almost always happy.

    She passed away about a year and a half ago. We're struggling, but I think we're dealing with the loss in healthy ways. I'm seeing a counselor and my wife and I are closer than ever. I don't feel like I'm self medicating in other ways.

    It was five years of hell for sure. I think I was trying to find some kind of escape, or at least a distraction.
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss, 57yearold. I can't even imagine. You have a lot of strength, my friend.
  9. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    Thank you. Very much.
  10. @57yearold, I'm sorry for your loss. My mom died of cancer after a 5+ year bout. I was her medical power of attorney. That was one level of hell in my many hells at the time. My porn use intensified during that period and then that was all I was left with. She was mom, not one of my sons. I can't image going through that hell with a son or daughter. Of course you had to find a way to cope.

    You've got a loving wife! And it seems a great life. Patience is one of the skills many of us here lack in bundles. Just have patience is difficult to hear because you feel broken and you don't want to wait patiently you want to do something! Waiting patiently is doing something. It is hard work. Stay with it!

    57yrold likes this.
  11. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    Thanks Gandalf. I am patient, and I am strong.

    I will not look at porn again, and I'll wait until my porn related sexual problems (ED, DE) are gone.

    I don't care how long it takes.

    Thanks you again for the kind note.
  12. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I'm also sorry to hear about your daughter.

    With your level of habit, I predict a fairly swift recovery, by contrast when I binged I would edge for hours and hours daily, every day. For me it was super tough to quit and my reboot has take a long, long time...but even I am recovering.

    You're be just fine, the process works like magic.
    Of course, there could always be hormone issues or something else when there's ED involved, always check that stuff too.

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