I have fully recovered from PIED.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by iHaveSeenEvil, May 2, 2015.

  1. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    The part in bold seems about right for me at the moment. Did you have a job all this time?

    I'm a week away from my last relapse, but been fighting this for a few years now. I'm 31 and have a failing freelance 'career' so I'm basically unemployed now and the anxiety of rapidly running out of money (coupled with the fact that I probably don't have a good enough portfolio to get a job anytime soon) is killing me. I feel like I've been doing nothing with my life for the past 10 years and have had no motivation or goals (depression/apathy). I don't feel like I'm equipped to deal with things like taking care of finances, working with others, organising myself, etc. The realities of life basically. If I had a job, this would be so much easier, but it seems like an impossibility at the moment. I've got so many aspects of my character that I need to improve on, and I'm running out of time.

    Do you think it is ok for someone in our situation to take a crappy job at a supermarket or wherever to give us time to get our heads straight? It looks bad on a CV and my pride (the little I have left) would take a hit, but it would help to pay bills and get me back into the world interacting more with people.

    Financial insecurity and unemployment play a massive role in my relapses and, along with the addiction, it's the major cause of my anxiety/depression. It's not talked about enough on these forums.
  2. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    I had a part time job, but I was in school full time for almost the entire duration of my recovery.
    The part time job was only something I did between semesters or during holidays, it was a dishwashing job- nothing too spectacular.
    Since school has ended I have landed a job as a Therapeutic Staff Support working with autistic children, but I still have my dishwashing job for a few hours a week, just as a fallback.

    I completely think you should get yourself a job, even if it is low paying.
    It will give you SOME kind of money which will help support you, and give you some money to get yourself out of the house.
    Even if it's not the best job, it's better than being unemployed.
    And in reality, you don't even need to add it to a CV or anything, might as well have a job and not include it on the CV than not have a job at all.
    Also, having a job will put some structure and discipline in your life, which you may need.
    You don't have to pick some really low paying job like a cashier. You can try something like being a mail-man, or working at a post office, or a bank.
    Despite them not requiring a college degree, they still will pay $12-13 an hour, and if you're worried about your self-esteem revolving around your job title, working at a bank or post office is something people view in a positive light.
    If your free-lancing isn't working out you may as well find some kind of way to bring home some money and give yourself some stress free time to reevaluate what you want to do with your free-lance work.
    Worst comes to worse, you can always quit a job. Let me put it this way, it in no way can hurt you for trying.
    With a job, even a small, part time one, the financial strain off your back will make so many other things in your life seem easier.
    All that other shit that is plaguing you will probably start to seem simple, and with the issue of money not being so much of a burden, you could tackle the other things so much easier.
    I completely understand feeling inadequate revolving around employment, and I felt soooo much better after I acquired steady employment, even though it's nowhere near what I would like it to be.
  3. Congrats on finally writing a success story. I come on here very rarely now but I remember back awhile ago seeing your journal and you struggling and then finally starting to see some success. Glad you feel your 100% now it's a great feeling :). You have a great story with many points I can link to my own reboot, rewiring and eventual success as well. Just remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Good luck with the girl!
  4. JG55

    JG55 Member

    What a wonderful success story. So detailed! A treasure trove.

    Congratulations and thank you for sharing!
  5. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    I appreciate the detailed reply man, thanks a lot. I applied for a Sales Assistant position today. It’s at a small convenience store, so shouldn’t be too much stress for starting out. I treated it like a proper job application though, and wrote up a full cover letter to go with my CV and put it in a labelled envelope. It’ll be a kick to the balls if I can’t even get a crappy job like this.

    I’m really inexperienced at the whole manic job application process. I’ve only ever had three interviews in my life so far, and not only were they years and years ago, but they were pretty casual too. Two of them were referrals from people I already knew, so they were fairly informal.

    To that end, I really lack the whole polished, professional package that people always say you should project. It takes a lot of energy and drive to do that, and as I’m currently on day 9 of 100% hard-mode (normally I would have peaked or edged slightly by now) I’m really struggling to find the willpower and strength to do anything, even basic food shopping. My appetite is screwed anyway; I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus or something.

    I don’t know whether it’s the anxiety and stress of being broke or whether it’s the withdrawal symptoms, but I really feel like giving up on life at the moment. I can feel a weight on my heart and in my chest. I just have to hope I become more healthy, capable and efficient as I progress. If I feel like this for another whole month, I’ll probably collapse.

    Anyway, thanks again for the feedback, and congrats on landing that support job :)
  6. noumore

    noumore New Member

    Thank you for sharing it. Congratulations man! One question:
    I don't PMO for 200+ days. Since a month I've got girlfriend. The first times in the bed I losed my erection when we tried to have sex or she tried to masturbate me. The last 3 times we couldn't try fuck because she is menstruating, but she has masturbated me. My erections was 100% once and 50% the other two at the moment before she touched me, but when she starts my erection is 80% and after some minutes I ejaculate. Is it normal because I'm rewiring? Should I ejaculate if my erection isn't 100%?
    When I kiss her o lick her tits my erection is normally 100%, but after spend doing it several time (30 mins aprox.) my erection is a bit weaker. Is it normal?
  7. InChristAlone

    InChristAlone porn gave me a limp noodle too, Gabe haha

    really awesome story man. well written as well. this gives hope for all that recovery is possible. thanks so much for posting!
  8. jocil

    jocil Guest

    Did you control the days that you had wet dreams?

    How many days was the biggest interval without any wet dream?
  9. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    I have zero memory of ever having a wet dream.
    Even if I had them when I was younger, which I'm sure I did, I have no memory of it.

    In my adult years, or since I've started masturbating at 15, I have never had one, not even during my reboot where I went like 70 some days without MO'ing.
    Wet dreams, in my opinion, have no real relevance to recovering from PIED.
    I had zero and I recovered perfectly.
    The only real way to tell if you're recovering is by how you physically respond to women in real life while in a sexual situation.

    Wet dreams, morning wood, spontaneous erections, and stuff like that aren't reliable indicators of recovery, in my opinion.
    If you're having them, then good. But if you aren't, then seriously don't sweat it.
    For me in post-recovery I almost never get spontaneous erections, or wet dreams. I do frequently get some serious morning wood though.
    Deleted User likes this.
  10. InChristAlone

    InChristAlone porn gave me a limp noodle too, Gabe haha

    hey man this is exactly my situation. almost the exact same time durations and everything. this is a TREMENDOUSLY inspiring story for others. congrats and thanks so much for posting.
  11. al12w

    al12w New Member

    Is it bad to M during the reboot? What would be considered moderation? (I'm single at the moment). Is once a week too much?
  12. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Why would you ever masturbate again when masturbating to porn caused you to become an addict? No you should not masturbate during a reboot, and you may not want to ever again.
  13. toffeebhoy89

    toffeebhoy89 Member

    Well done mate, your story and recovery sounds very similar to mine.
  14. ted torques

    ted torques New Member


    Wondering what your thoughts are on smoking/drug-use with respect to recovery from PIED.

    Were you ever able to quit smoking completely? And did it have an effect?

    PS. your journal is a masterpiece and should be published as a book.
  15. grego

    grego Member

    Ihaveseenevil, you're easily my favorite success story on this site. I don't even know you, but I'm glad you're doing better now. I wanted to ask, have you experienced premature ejaculation during this whole mess? Especially the type when you cum upon penetration, or within seconds of a blowjob or something.
  16. almostthere

    almostthere New Member

    thanks for such a detailed and motivating post!!
  17. Borges08

    Borges08 Member

    That's awesome man, gives me a lot of hope. I have a question..if you watched porn now would you feel drugged up and fucked up for like days? That's what happens if I were to do so. Like my eyes and head become real fucking heavy and what not if those pathways become activated. Not saying I watch it anymore but I've had slip ups and that's what happens.

    Still can't O without SEVERE consequences physically. Throws me back into terrible cravings, not libido but like "druggy" type cravings that fuck up my head. Can't even get a GF because of my physical/mental state. 3 years in, still have a long way to go..
  18. Deezy

    Deezy if you don't peek then no relapse

    CONGRATS! I'm on my way too! Very inspiring man!
  19. bubblyboo

    bubblyboo New Member

    Great to hear that. Thanks for sharing. :)
  20. CJLove

    CJLove New Member

    This is truly inspiring - thanks for sharing.

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