I have reached a point where I no longer actually want to masturbate, but I have nearly 0 self control due to the fact that my mind will make me watch porn and masturbate even though I don't want to. I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it feels like a possession. Sometimes I even argue against my own mind, telling myself that I won't do this crap, and it will quite literally argue back. (To a great extent, I feel like I am simultaneously my addicted mind and my rational controlling self, and that this is not some sort of schizophrenia but rather a form of insanity. Since I don't want to actually be my addicted mind, it definitely feels more like a possession that takes over my mind while I am observing, and less like schizophrenia or DID). This weird manifestation of my addicted mind will never actually win these mental arguments, but usually around once every 2 weeks (without fail), it will overcome my rational mind and just do it. It feels like being separated from myself and watching myself do these disgusting acts, or like I am drowning underneath a giant wave pounding me to the ocean floor. A year and a half ago, I would have simply felt like I was forced to do the stuff, and then willingly went along with it. Now I am being repideately 'mind raped,' even though I never actually give in. I would appreciate any help possible. I can't see a therapist since I'm still living with my parents but I would do it if I could. I need any help possible. I just don't know what to do any more. If I didn't have such an iron will I would be contemplating suicide. Thank you very much for reading. Tonight I accidentally saw trans porn so I hope you guys know how urgent I am.