I have a confession to make, and its not pretty.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ThouShallNotPorn, Sep 25, 2012.

  1. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    You are really gonna knock this one out of the park eh? Sure, sounds like it ;D
  2. Yes sir indeed. Homerun, touchdown, jackpot. Buzzer beater.

    71 days

    Now we all know porn morph our tastes. Or at least it does if you go all extreme like i did.
    Fat girls. Ugly girls. Fat AND ugly girls.
    I was at the store today and there is one. With blue hair. Three wrongs dont make one right. Right?
    Well, the fetish prevails it seems. I would totally do her. Or is this just the 70 day old semen speaking?
    Actually she wasnt all that ugly, she was just fat and had blue hair. Like that makes any difference.
    Maybe if she had a hot one standing beside her i wouldnt look at her at all. I would look at the hot one. Right?
    That is todays question.

    Now I wasnt wearing my glasses at the store, and i know that from earlier in life, the worse your eyesight is, the better the girls look. That´s one to remember for all of you who refuse to wear the beer-goggles.
    Now the biggest problems with smashing fat ugly chicks isnt the fact that you´re smashing fat and ugly chicks, believe it or not. Its the fact that they will keep your kid no matter what and under no circumstances will they tell you until its too late. I´ve seen it happen. That´s one to remember for all you who wears the beer-goggles proudly.
    However, you should always fuck a fat ugly one on new years eve. Because when you wake up on january 1st, things can only get better in the new year.
    Thats todays wisdom for you.

    Thank you and good night.
  3. Some have asked me: Why did i keep my collection? (Ive already written about this but i write a lot of bullshit in my journal, so you dont have to read the whole thing i rewrite it here)

    (The disclaimer: Im different from most people on here. I love porn, alright. Others on here hate it, think its evil ect I still love porn, i just hate the side effects. )

    Many reasons for keeping it...
    Mainly it was always my backup plan. And i never changed that, i have never said im never watching porn again, even though now im starting to see it differently, because i´ve gotten so far, i see that this reboot shit is actually possible.

    I already had given up on life when i saw YBOP/YBB, i was planning to move to a farm in the middle of nowhere and be by myself.
    I knew porn addiction was giving me ED, but i couldnt stop. I had read a book about it and went to a sexologist that said it, but i guess the info was more believable on YBOP. I guess it finally hit home, you gotta choose, porn or sex, you cant have both. I saw this community with all the guys rebooting and i decided to give it a solid go myself.
    In the back of my mind i had failed so much i probably didnt think it was possible for me to reboot after all this time with pmo.
    So porn was always the backup plan.
    I had to justify it though. If i was going to fap myself to death i had to rehab properly once, to justify it by the fact i was beyond any chance of fixing myself. I owed life that much.
    If it dont work it dont work. The porn can wait, its not going anywhere. Time for sex with girls is much more limited though, especially once you hit 30.

    Then there is the emotional connection that is pretty much keeping me from deleting the shit now.
    Its about 1,4-1,5 TB i would guess, and i only kept like 20% of all i DL´ed, you know how many hours i spent on that collection? Thats my life work! In case i dont reboot, i dont want to waste all that.

    Plus i rationalized it saying its faster to type faptube or something into firefox than plugging in the external HD.

    I will delete it once i see actual rewiring happening. I need proof.
    And im not afraid of relapsing with it, i´ve never been more sure about anything in life. no porn 2012, im knocking this one out.
  4. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    I still have my collection, too. I deleted it once, during my first reboot a couple years back. Then I gave up on the reboot, and wasted months of my life building it up from scratch again. :-\

    Having had that experience, I am hesitant to delete it again. :-[
  5. On the 75th day of nofap

    I relapsed

    in my sleep. Twice. But i didnt ejaculate the second time, i got guilty for letting the forum down and stopped midways. Then i couldnt remember the first one. And then i woke up.

    Not much else to say. I noticed if i stay in bed too long my hand automatically goes down and starts playing with my schnitzel. Not exactly M, just little pre-wank motions. But you dont want that pressure building up, therefore one needs to lay off the bishop as much as possible.
  6. 76th:

    A.D.I.D.A.S. Can.not.stop.

    This is one of those posts where your english gets a bit shaky my man

    Yeah, its a huge step, all that special stuff, hard to find clips, categorized up and down...
    But if all goes to plan, on new years eve im launching the nuclear on it.
    Tears will be shed. A funeral will be held. And then i will drink. Bottles, plural.
  7. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    i just wanted to say that its not a relapse, ; but you know when we deny the truth that there was a bit of a relapse there, " curiousity, tolerance to fantasy or tolerance on some clicks" :
    you know that this tolerance is a gate open for more,,
    so i said its not a relapse, but i wanted to remind myself and you that overrating this slip is better than the complete denial of it !!
    " im know my english is bad, i dont use it and its my 3rd lang, and japanese is getting better :D i didnt revise my enlish for decade, though my french is excelent even in french peoples eyes! "
    by the way learning english was one of the worse choices in my life, without it i would be so open to the western culture, 6 years ago morocco was a country of good and shy and excelent ethics, and social respect, but now its more and more matching the western culture, the cities now are big whore houses,
    i mean all the girl have bfs "not even in secret" no shame at all, and most of em do sex, before paths to marriage were easy and famillies helped, and there was a shelther for someones heart,!internet is zionist illuminati plan, i know that its meant to be to make people ready to follows the mesiah of the delusion and deception the anthechrist, " coming soon " by the way!
  8. Hey ThouShaltNotPorn, you may feel like a failure right now, but to me you are a great inspiration. 75 days seems so difficult for me to achieve right now, so don't forget what an amazing thing you did reaching that far.

    As for your porn stash, I think maybe I can partly see why you have an emotional connection with it. For myself, I stopped downloading and keeping stuff when I was in my teens, so there is nothing remaining of all those 'lost hours' viewing porn. That time is just gone, and kind of hard to quantify. But for you, the big stash may be a concrete reminder of how that time was spent.

    I was actually halfway joking around in my last two posts, the relapse thing was only a bad dream, not even a wet dream. The sexual thoughts are impossible to stop, but what you gonna do? Im still in control of everything else. I even deleted 50-some gigabytes of porn when i was cleaning up a little on the harddisk (its a mess, hundreds of folders). Im not touching the main folder yet, but baby steps are better than no steps.
    There´s no problem browsing through without clicking on any of them.
    Its weird, but somehow i´ve really made this mental shift in my head where watching porn is completely out of the picture now, im doing a 100% proper rehab and checking what life has to offer me porn-free, something i´ve never really been, at all. This is something i really have to do, my life actually depends on it. Its do or die!
    Its not that i dont want to watch porn, of course, i dont think that will ever go away. But there are only two things that are certain in life:
    1. Taxes
    2. You will die sooner rather than later
    And if i´m going out as a porn addict i need to know i did reboot, i did try 100% and i made my own choice to be a goddam porn addict. I will stand by that 100% and i will blame no one but myself.
    Its more than willpower and mindset, its my LIFE. And whatever comes after death.
    The porn can wait. Its not going anywhere.
    And thats that.

    I probably joke around too much in this journal, almost regret it now because its hard to find proper insights but its a method to the madness and im over 75% done now so its working, for me atleast.
    The plan is to extend the no porn target for another 8 months once i reach 104 days. September 2013 will be the next target.
    The MO, not so sure but im commited to nofap december at least, we´ll have to see after that.

    Life is still stressful because im creating a brand new life here with moving across the country and stuff, there´s literally hundreds of decisions to be made, but in reality im doing better than i have been doing for years now. Im getting into shape, fixed a spot at a basketball team again and trying to get my mental state into a better place. Or better yet where i want it to be for now.
    Im not looking for perfection, not trying to become a renaissance man. Just trying to get comfortable.
    And get some pussy...for fucks sake (literally)
  10. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    haha, good good very good:)
  11. 80th:

    For once i´ll make a post useful to others. Observation:
    Progress comes and goes.
    Like the past two days i felt like my dick was halfway in a flatline. Not much happening down there. Today i took a step forward and feeling very lively down there. Big urge to release.
    Comes and goes.
  12. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    awaken the beast only if there is meat to eat, or else it i will eat you,
    in, previous years, i had months of no pmo;, andi can assure you your power is there in, it just need the sexual consciousness association in the brain and you will maybe stay hard for one week non stop :)
  13. Yes man i hear you. Except the one week straight thing, lol.

    81 days
    and i´m leaving you mah fuckas for a while.
    The mechanics are done and this car is ready to drive. Tomorrow morning im leaving this place.
    I got 20 hours of traveling and a new phase of my life is beginning. A brave new day and shit. New city, new activities and its about time this old ass kid starts charming some of the ladies again.
    Ive had somewhere between 10-15 naked women in my bed and only penetrated 4 of them. Never came once with any of them.
    And i have no idea how many more i never bothered taking home because i knew i had ED.
    No more.
    P is out. M is out. And O is incoming. Hide your sisters, im going out hunting with a loaded sex pistol.

    I will also have my first beer and my first weed in almost 100 days.

    Its the perfect time to deal with internet addiction. I will only check for apartments and transportation options when needed and we´ll see how far i can take it. I want to be gone from random web searching and forums for minimum 10 days.
    I´ll be back around christmas.

    So far so good, hard part starts now.
  14. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    i assure you its aproblem , in internet you will see ED suffers, and people having persistant erection, some have it for a week or more straight , i had this many times, and my cock keeps acking later for days :D

    i dont have a sister, but hey if you have a sister, becarfuCK too, they say when eat someones sister, by one dollar, others will do yours by nothing,, everything in this life is mastered by god, if you do bad , bad will be done to you, marriage is good thought :D
    but i know cultures are different, people are used to see things differently, but here jealousy is still so active to the point people wont get evil because they dont want shit to happen to their sisters, if they know the divine rule of course! or if they are noble and wise !!,
  15. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    This is the type of line I come to your log for. Have a good trip!
  16. daneeka

    daneeka New Member

    It's true, we're in for some hard times. It's gonna be a stiff challenge, but if we can erect some self-confidence our spirits will be flying at full mast.
  17. 86th:

    No pussy yet.

    Relapsed on the fucking internet thing tho, lasted a whole 3 days. It is so hard to resist the random surfing.

    What else has happened?
    Got drunk, started talking loud in the bar about stuff i´m not supposed to talk about, got high, ate a bacon hot dog even though i kicked the swine eating out a while ago, threw up (twice), overslept and got another reminder of why i quit getting drunk in the first place. I get those like twice a year. Hopefully there will be another six months until im that stupid again.

    Hungover driving my stuff for 7 hours blah blah blah next two days without proper sleep, now in a hotel room brewing on a flu
    All a part of life, now im looking forward to getting an apartment so i can settle down with some healthy routines again.

    On the real note, P is still completely out of the picture, had some troubles with the M but stayed strong. i want my 100 days.

    i dont have a sister, but hey if you have a sister, becarfuCK too, they say when eat someones sister, by one dollar, others will do yours by nothing,, everything in this life is mastered by god, if you do bad , bad will be done to you, marriage is good thought :D
    but i know cultures are different, people are used to see things differently, but here jealousy is still so active to the point people wont get evil because they dont want shit to happen to their sisters, if they know the divine rule of course! or if they are noble and wise !!,

    lol, yeah cultures are different trust me if i were in marocco right now i´d be walking real around real humble and on the low. But brothers will be protective towards their sisters in any cultures. good thing i dont have any.
    i see you keep relapsing man, you need to update your journal, you got lots of readers who might get some advice in.

    thank you man. you need to update as well, how are things?

    ahmen. great sentence.
  18. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    i know but i want to go for good from internet, and im sure going to miss you guys
    im visiting my aunt and she has a problem in the computer, so i used this chance to visit this page only,
    and i mean it, i want to go for good from internet and computer, my goals are the highest possible, they are spiritual, and believe me internet and computer arent to even exist in this path,
    i need to tottaly unchain like i was in my 24th year, i was a super man,

    hey so many girls are checking me, some asked me in a very inviting way,' hey man ,you look good; how is your job going!
    i dont have a steady job now; but the girl asked me so that if im ready i should come and ask her for marriage directly,
    im a tall guy with a very special look and good skin color; only a job is messing in the spices! and i would be ready :) good luck
    internet isnt for me, its fake and no one will build anything in it
  19. 91 and days are going slow right now, or fast rather
    im on the internets a lot less
    i can smoke again without automatically going for the pmo, and thats enjoyable.
    theres all kinds of pressures downstaires at times so im looking forward for some kind of release at some points. it sort of starts affecting my focus at times.
    i think ill be good to go, im in it to win it, but well see
  20. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    :eek: You are very close to BLUE STAR in hall of fame!


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