I hate my life, I don’t know how to stay strong anymore

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Youngdawg, Apr 1, 2021.

  1. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg Member

    I’m sick of living life like a robot. I’m sick of this never ending flatline. I wish I never had a girlfriend to begin with because I can’t do hardmode for a long time so I’m gonna be stuck with pied forever. I’m so depressed and this feeling that I’ll never escape. I know that is an awful thing to say but I can’t live like this anymore. Numb genitals, no excitement in life, I can’t even get aroused by my girlfriend and I couldn’t even masturbate if I tried to. I’m almost at 2 years of no porn without much to show for it. I’ve had sex a handful of times but I still just can’t get over the hump
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2021
  2. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Have you been to any doctors?
  3. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg Member

    Yeah I got blood tests done and I’m like perfectly healthy
  4. mochingnawy

    mochingnawy New Member

    Same here, mate. I have been clean for many months now, I haven't reached the 2 year mark , yet but I am still feeling depressed. I am starting to believe that when you stay away from porn, you are not doing any damage to yourself but at the same time, it does not heal what you did in the past. I now think recovery is an active process but I don't know what should be done exactly. I dunno what will make me move forward. Is meditation or some exercise? I don't know. I have also been stuck even though I have a very long streak, so you're not alone.
  5. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    What blood tests? ... What I would do and have done, is find an HRT forum that caters to men. If you find a good one, it will have many helpful people on it. Don't be put off by juicehead looking dudes on them. The idea of them ALL being dumb apes is a stereotype. Many will be massively better sources of information on this particular topic than your AVERAGE endo, uro...etc. That has been my experience, but you have to do your own due diligence obviously, because there are always lots of idiots out there with God complexes that are louder than the actual smart people. It's always better to find a forum with actual doctors on it, but that seems to be rarer now than a few years back, but then I haven't done much looking.

    There used to be a great forum I'd recommend but it's gone now. Find a forum and post up your blood tests. The outcome I foresee is you being told you need more or different tests. If you are just going on "my doctor SAYS my blood work is fine"... you can't do that for many reasons, in this particular case. You could have a shot thyroid, testosterone of a 90 year old man, more estrogen than a weeping 19yo girl, and a great many other treatable issues and they would say "you're fine"... not out of malice, they simply don't know what they're doing, as they don't have adequate time to learn everything in the world. The tests your average endo or uro will give you are simply not adequate, and they are not adequately specialized to treat you anyway. I know this from experience. This is not to say that I know what I'm doing on this topic (I don't), but the level of incompetence you will see in this arena from the "experts" is utterly stunning. Even some that call themselves "male hrt experts" exude kindergarten-level knowledge. Finding a good doctor (of any kind) does involve luck and probably visiting MANY and driving or flying possibly many 1000's of miles.

    Other than that, do you do other drugs? Lots of sugar and shit food? overweight?

    I don't want to come off as unsympathetic to your issue at all, but I'd like to make a certain point here. Most people with health problems do not have it anywhere as easy as someone with PIED. Most people don't find themselves with a really shitty issue, then all they have to do is stop watching porn, and twiddle their thumbs till it magically gets better. Most people have to exhaustively search for a cure, and this takes unbelievable time, effort, money, luck...
    I think learning about PIED makes people complacent. It isn't in one's best interest to just lay up for months or years waiting on the hopes that something is just going to get better. YOU HAVE TO HIT EVERY FUVKIN ANGLE. And in doing so, you will make yourself more knowledgeable on all sorts of topics, and make yourself a better "searcher", which is one of the best skills to have. This exhaustive work will show you what you are made of, whether you succeed or fail. Personally, along with immense suffering, this work has been associated with my greatest victories.
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2021
  6. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg Member

    He never said people are incurable
  7. James07

    James07 Fight the new drug

    I'd say try some unconventional things :
    -Kegel exercises etc- make down there as strong as possible
    -Also- relax into your body breathing wise etc
    -Basically try things you havent
    -Testosterone levels as the other guys suggested- get this truly checked out
    -Explore with your gf- or even mentally- would you be able to get it up with another woman- say escort or something,. Does the novelty get to you?
    - Hang in there- we re here for ya;
    - Try aphrodisiac
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg Member

    Thanks James
  9. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hey man, ten years + ago I began life coaching sessions. My first session began with I hate my life, I don't want to live. I am happily married now looking for our second child. I did like 6 years with a psychologist an two with a psychiatrist before that and have lived with depression and suicidal thoughts most of my life. I can't imagine your suffering but I've been through some and I can tell you this:

    You are important.

    You are not alone.

    You deserve love. You deserve a girlfriend and friends and family who love you no matter what. That is love, take it. Ask for help and you'll find it.

    Be careful of your mind. When you become aware you are having negative thoughts, stop, ask yourself, does this help? What can I think that helps? What makes me feel awesome right now?

    Sex is great but not everything, not even near the most important thing you are here for. Find your purpose, we need you too. Focus on it, that will give you energy. There will always be problems and they will always pass.

    Good luck!
    Doper and Billy B. like this.
  10. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg Member

    Thank you for your help? Did u ever struggle with pied?
  11. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    No, that's why I wrote I can't imagine what you are going through but, if it helps, I had anorgasmia for a while due to antidepressants, on top of a deep depression that is. It's impossible not to think of it and feel bad. Meditation helped me. I'm not an expert but the basis is trying to stop your mind from going down a rabbit hole which only makes it worse. Stop, breathe and think on something useful or that makes you feel good. If you can't, think on how your breath feels, count your natural breaths, be thankful of breathing. That's a good start!
  12. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Hey dude I just wanna say I know how you feel, but at the same time I don't. I really wished I had a girlfriend so you should appreciate what you have. I know I would give everything and anything to be with someone who wanted to be with me.
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Just to say hang in there, Youngdawg. I can't offer much advice that hasn't been mentioned already but... would like to reiterate an encouragement to try anything you haven't tried, even revisiting things you have tried and asking "did I give that enough time, consideration or effort?".

    I feel for ya!

    I have experienced crippling depression so know enough to say, as someone else mentioned: beware of your mind. I'm in favour of the the idea to try a psychologist (or a few of them cause it's not always that one finds a good fit, first up). It seems strange that the physical symptoms of PIED have not subsided, as you say, coming up to two years clean. Esp with a partner with whom you have the opportunity to 'rewire'. Keep trying.

    Remember that there's always fellas here who care and wan't to see you find a way to heal.

  14. serguei

    serguei New Member

    Everything heals with time, of course, an addiction leaves aftermaths as any other experience, but it depends on you and how will you interpret that experience, and indeed with some people inclined to depression it could worsen the situation and the feelings
    Stay positive and optimistic!
    And please guys don't generalize the cases, some readers could believe that stopping porn is maybe useless at some points and get afraid

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