I got head from a ts/cd and now i feel like i ruined my life. I feel like killing my self now.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Losttornsouhelpme, May 1, 2019.

  1. Losttornsouhelpme

    Losttornsouhelpme New Member

    Please help me make sense of this.. i am so confused.. this has derailed my life so bad. A couple of nights ago all drunk i invited a transexual/ cross dresser and had her suck me off. She even licked my ass , i realky wanted that and as soon as i came guilt started hoovering over me.. now when i smoke weed makes me want to kill my self depression hits so hard.. and the worse part is i have a girlfriend that i really love and care for her . I have a child who i love and care for also.. i feel so discusted at my self.
    I have such a big porn addiction. About 3 years ago i started watchin ts porn.. and at first i was discusted but it turned me on so much. Then i started watching ts porn on the regular, eventually i started making profiles on skout or meet me trying to get regular girls but ts's people would always hmu .. i would always flirt but i always thought to my self this wont go further im to much of a bitch to go forward with any of this. But eventually i wanted more and more to the point where i tried to meet a couple times but never happened untill a couple nights ago. Now i dont see my self the same.. who can i talk to about this? i talked to my mom and i kinda felt better but now i cant sleep all i do is think about what i have done.. why do i feel so bad about this.. why do i want to kill my self now.. help me please. My heart hasent stoped beating fast for the last 2 days.. i feel sweaty and hot and anxiuos. I will see a doctor today and explain my self , hopefully he can draw some conclusions and help me out. I really dont want to kill ny self over this but these thoughts are so stronh and over welming.. i wish i can erase that fron my mind. Music isint hitting ne no more. I lost intrest in pokemon and i love pokemon.. i feel so dead..
     
  2. Losttornsouhelpme

    Losttornsouhelpme New Member

    I just told my girl and now shes my ex-girl.. wich i deserve.. i couldnt live on with this hidding this from her being fake.. if she cant except me even with the mistakes i make then its probobly for the best.. this took alot of the weight of my shoulders, now i just have to open up to the world and friends and see who excepts me for who i am.. i am a porn addict on the road to recovery, i am man that loves girls, i am a man with a torn soul but ready to recover.. now i will try to live a healthy sober life with no porn.. and minimal jack off sessions.. i am a man who was curios and tried it and now i know i dont like it.. 1st and last..
     
  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Please don't be hard on yourself. You now know that this is not what you want. It is unfair that you cheated on your partner, but does it really make a difference whether it is a woman or a transexual? You confessed and want to heal this addiction. Shame and regret will work against you. Focus on recovery and do everything you need to do. Start a journal here, go to a therapist and/ or a SA group. Youre not alone. If you want your partner and child back, fight for it. Strength!
     
  4. Losttornsouhelpme

    Losttornsouhelpme New Member

    Thank you so much for taking your time and replying.. yea im trying to fight ti get her back . I spilled the beans about the whole truth to her. And ive told one of my friends , we kinda just laughed off and said "well now we know not to get tranns" i want to tell all my friends now so this can be in the open out of me and so it can become a joke to me. But i stoped smoking and drinking and watching porn i feel luke thats what im feeling depressed by now.. but the whole situation of me making a mistake and meeting up with a trann is still in my head.. im trying to keep it out.. its crazy how something like this can bring down a man.. i was always happy smilling joking and getting stuff done.. now it feels like such a struggle..
    Today i got an std test and a blood test done.. right now im about to get a physical and ima talk to the doc and tell him how i feel what ive done.. suicide isnt im on ny mind as much as the last 2 days. But if my ex takes me back im never doinh this or anything shady to her again .. she will be my true dab queen and ima wife her up and everything that comes with that package.. buy i wont tell her these things .. i want her to make her own mind.. fingers crossed.. but yea dont ever meet up with a tranny if your a straight person.. it will just ruin you.. i never thought i could get emotionaly unstable and just that one night did it.. i want all my friends to know and my family to know so theres no dark secrets to me.. then i would be happy with who ever excepts me for who i am ..
     
    Gil79 likes this.

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