Please help me make sense of this.. i am so confused.. this has derailed my life so bad. A couple of nights ago all drunk i invited a transexual/ cross dresser and had her suck me off. She even licked my ass , i realky wanted that and as soon as i came guilt started hoovering over me.. now when i smoke weed makes me want to kill my self depression hits so hard.. and the worse part is i have a girlfriend that i really love and care for her . I have a child who i love and care for also.. i feel so discusted at my self. I have such a big porn addiction. About 3 years ago i started watchin ts porn.. and at first i was discusted but it turned me on so much. Then i started watching ts porn on the regular, eventually i started making profiles on skout or meet me trying to get regular girls but ts's people would always hmu .. i would always flirt but i always thought to my self this wont go further im to much of a bitch to go forward with any of this. But eventually i wanted more and more to the point where i tried to meet a couple times but never happened untill a couple nights ago. Now i dont see my self the same.. who can i talk to about this? i talked to my mom and i kinda felt better but now i cant sleep all i do is think about what i have done.. why do i feel so bad about this.. why do i want to kill my self now.. help me please. My heart hasent stoped beating fast for the last 2 days.. i feel sweaty and hot and anxiuos. I will see a doctor today and explain my self , hopefully he can draw some conclusions and help me out. I really dont want to kill ny self over this but these thoughts are so stronh and over welming.. i wish i can erase that fron my mind. Music isint hitting ne no more. I lost intrest in pokemon and i love pokemon.. i feel so dead..