I didn't hear no bell.....

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mfatgg, Jan 17, 2018.

  1. Mfatgg

    Mfatgg New Member

    Day 1

    I used to have an account here and thought I was doing really well and could do without it.....

    Suddenly I'm struggling to go a week without giving in to my urges.

    I've tried to fill my time in
    I cycle 8 miles a day
    Go to the gym 3 times a week
    Bed at 10
    Wake at 6 and play guitar...

    I've joined an SAA group...

    But I still find if there is ten minutes free my mind goes to p....

    I don't want it

    P gives me false promises
    P makes me feel like the time I'm using is worthwhile it's pointless
    P makes me miserable
    P pulls me away from real people

    And yet yesterday I have in again.

    They say the first step is accepting you are powerless.....

    Well I am. I am powerless to resist p. I don't know where to go next.

    Handing myself over to God I suppose. Not sure how I do that. I should I've gone to church my whole life. But more as a spectator than an active participant.
  2. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    Being part of a community of any description is what matters, and it sounds like you are doing that by joining the SAA group, and also journaling here. Don't expect miracles too soon. We are infants in a continual process of growth toward maturity, that is what life is about.

    Be weary of solutions - that thing you rely on to make everything feel wonderful and hopeful and amazing, the antidote to depression - because if we are not working on the dark stuff at the same time it will always come back, and maybe with more of a vengeance. Our shadows are there to help us grow. Many ancient cultures, where ritual was an important part of daily life, seemed to understand this intuitively and worked with it, but modern religions of the last several hundred years began focusing more on morality, judgement and sin, so be aware of that. Human beings need total non-judgement in order to allow the flow of feelings and exhuming of trauma, and therefore true healing, to occur.

    This path ultimately isn't about battling the urges, it's about becoming a new you. The old boy-self has to die, and a new man be born :)
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2018

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