I can do this!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Gilgamesh, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    Yes it is a version of the Allen Carr smoking book. Some person took the book and rewrote much of it (not so well) to be focused on PMO and called it a “hackbook.” I will try to find the link to the webpage with it. There are tons of great things in there. I do not agree with all of it, but much of it is very helpful.

    Update: I think it might be this link

    https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home
     
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Cool thanks. Will have a look!
     
  3. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 1

    No negative effects (yet) of acting out. Feel motivated to continue and pick up exercise. Been cycling and doing push ups today.
     
  4. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 3

    Fortunately I didn't experience any negative effects of my PMO session. I was a bit easily irritated though yesterday. It was just plain stupid to act out, but I don't really regret it. It doesn't feel like a set back, but I know that I should not have more of it and work harder on my integrating healthy ways of dealing with stress and emotions in daily life. Right now this bad choice gave me a huge natural motivation to continue my health journey. Been working out and running the last 3 days. Other aspects I want to more actively focus on are mindfulness, breathing exercises and active imaginations of the life I want to live. I want to have mord clarity of mind. I am so much time occupued with fantasies and thoughts. I want to stay in reality, even when reality feels cold and hard.
     
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  5. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Great job man. I think since you got a month of sobriety in, you probably won't feel much at all in the way if withdrawal symptoms. I pmo'ed twice in January, once in the beginning of the month and once at around 15 days. The recovery was not nearly as bad and I was able to still have sex without much in the way of withdrawal symptoms. At 30 days, I think your brain chemistry has had a chance to acclimate a bit and one session shouldn't break your mental state. Your right, it was stupid to act out, but the worse option would be to act out again after a day or two and fall back into the addiction. Put up those numbers again and I bet you'll feel even better at 30 days than you did this past streak. You got this man!
     
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  6. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 4

    Yesterday I was quite impatient and irritable. Part of reboot maybe but also my personality. I want to work on this. Been picturing myself being calm and patient. Want to make these imaginations (ref: Psychocybernetics; Maxwell Maltz) an integrated part of my day.

    Goals: free of porn and other distractions of reality, calm and patient, physically healthy and strong.

    Started the day well with 3x20 pushups, a cold shower and a walk with my son. Life can be so great.

    Just read a bible text. (I am not religious, but like reading the bible and Bhagavad gita). It was something like: 'he who has self control is stronger than he who takes a city'. I guess it is the ultimate strength to be patient, to resist temptations and to ignore anxiety. I want to be that strong. And you know what? I am a human being, so I have it in me!
     
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  7. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    It’s always a goal of mine to be quiet and patient, calm. Physical health is up there. I wish the weather here was warm enough to get back to walking each day. It always makes me feel better walking around the neighborhood rather than the treadmill in the basement. The nature feeling is always an extra bonus.

    You’re racking up those days again, brother. Keep it up! No reason to go back now.
     
  8. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 5

    Had sex with my wife last night. Although she is very pregnant and has an enourmous belly, I could really enjoy her and her body. No fantasies, just me and her. Afterwards I felt happy, masculin, energized, satisfied and healthy. I felt like theres nothing wrong with me. No addiction. Our sex is always good and the feeling makes porn bleach. It is not even comparable on the same scale. So why do I still return to it? Memory, habit, self-destruction? This morning woke up at 530 witj a rock hard erection. Went downstairs to have breakfast and read a book. Having 2 weeks holidays. The absence of work stress changes everything. Maybe I should look for a more fitting and satisfying job.

    Thanks @Intothewild89, being able to be comfortable outside changes everything for me too. The other day I saw a post by @quitprofoo about rats in a small cage that get easily addicted to drugs versus rats in a large cage that don't take those drugs at all. Makes you think.....
     
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  9. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 6

    Having holidays gives me the time and space to focus on being mindful and just analyze what's going on in my head. Been having urges today (chaser effect?), but also angry thoughts, anxious thoughts and self-pity thoughts. Makes me realize how much energy I spend on that in daily life. And now I am even in super relax mode. Able to bring my focus back to the here and now, but it was a whole day of hard work to do so. I imagined myself being in a coach being pulled by horses of which I hold the reins. One horse named anger, the others anxiety, self-pity and lust. All the time my mind wandered, I imagined pulling the reins, bringing the coach back on track. Want to continue to do this, also when work starts again.....
     
  10. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    I like your rein and coach vison there Gilgamesh. It's amazing of often we get dragged by the emotions not even being aware of it. Sound like you're doing a good job with awereness.

    ...by the way, I feel like this forum is dying a bit. Where are all the people going? Soon it's just you and me left from "the old timers gang"...I remember TruettW, Invictus01, GameOver, Fry2 seem to be gone now as well...and good old Mendoza...man, I hope they are doing well
     
  11. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 7

    Bit brainfoggy, but otherwise good. Day with a lot of social interaction. Something I finally seem to get better at and more comfortable with.

    Thanks @MarstonS. This with the coach is something I read a long time ago, but came to mind again recently. I find it very helpful at the moment.

    I am saddened as well by the low activity here. Soon we maybe need to change the name of this empty board 'MarstonS and Gil rebalanced' :confused:. Also missing those other people. Like to add the names Canada2012 and Asha.med to your list. I have been away for more than a year myself. Hope to see some success stories here on the board by those guys some day. Including ours ofcourse! I for sure will not give up and after 6 years in I can say I am doing so much better and feel really positive on my prospects. To me if seems you have things largely under control as well.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
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  12. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    I think there is a high chance you meant @MarstonS , but I certainly share the sentiment. I used to be a member of another forum with many more people, but I left there due to many reasons. One of the main ones is that it devolved into a sort of social media / facebook atmosphere, where people were more interested in sharing their favorite songs than trying to help with recovery. Here I find more like-minded people (although there are fewer).
     
  13. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Thanks @Merton! Indeed meant @MarstonS. Told so I was brainfoggy :p. Changed it now.

    Few years ago there was a lot of interaction here on the board. Many new posts daily. Actually even last summer there was quite some activity. But even with that high activity the total number of people was still so low compared to the actual number of expected porn addicts: estimated thousands in my country (Netherlands) alone.
     
  14. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    I try to post here fairly regularly, although i live in the states and it seems a fair bit who frequent here live in Europe. That explains why all you guys post in the extreme hours of the morning. :D
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
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  15. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 8

    Feeling good, but small urges start to come back. Somehow this feels comforting as it gives me the feeling the time to fight is now and not somewhere in the future not knowing what to expect.

    @Intothewild89, you're very active here and very serious about recovery. The hardest is to keep posting when things are going less good, but thats also when it is most important.

    So we all have something to read when we wake up :D
     
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  16. Merton

    Merton Active Member

    I am with you in the US but we might be on different coasts, which would explain the time lag.
     
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  17. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 9

    Had the tendency last night to fantasize. Fortunately I avoided this and eventually fell asleep.

    The absence of work stress these days and a bit further from last PMO session make me feel like a completely different person. I am patient and calm. Enjoy interaction with people and cam just sit and do nothing and be alright (i.e. without constant need to distract myself with phone or TV).

    My biggest goal for 2019 is to shed off my chronic stress and find a way to be more calm in life.
     
    Merton likes this.
  18. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 10

    Start feeling the benefits of abstaining again. Interaction with people improves, feeling more confident, feeling more love, less irritable, see myself more handsome and muscular (all in the mind), want to to take better care of myself (including dressing), my penis looks bigger (in the head or true?), more energized, feeling a force from within.

    Last night I had some urges for sexual fantasies. Have some really nice ideas. Sounds crazy, but for me a good fantasy MO can be as intense as a PMO session. Have to keep in mind that FMO and PMO onlyvlead to deception and make me loose all those good benefits. Times will get tough again, and also then I will have to keep thid in mind.

    Still thinking I should try to change jobs and do something where my heart really lies. Will write more about that later.....
     
  19. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Congrats on double digits!
     
  20. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Day 10 is always a milestone for me, then 14. Youre breaking through to the otherside man, no use in going back now. You know what that side of the fence looks like, and it isnt pretty. Ride this streak into the New Year and prove yourself wrong that you can stay pmo free for the next 12 months and beyond. Good luck bro! :D
     

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