I can do this!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Gilgamesh, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. Living

    Living Active Member

    When I read the success story you also mentioned last week (and which refers to psycho cyberkinetics) I found the entire post completely out of my comfort zone. But when I read the above it makes sense and written in a way that is more appealing to me. I know similar imagination exercises from REBT and ACT and although I have never really given them a try, I do believe they make a lot sense. Perhaps it could be a nice addition to my gratitude journal and loving kindness meditation:)

    And awesome to hear about the experience with your wife!
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    11 days since last FMP

    Yesterday afternoon I was very hyper. I had been working hard and my mind was in overdrive. It was in a way positive. I had really good ideas for some project I am working on, but I was at home and wanted to be in the present moment and enjoy time with my wife and son. I kept trying to be mindful and be in the moment, and that worked a bit, but it kept coming back. Then later it somehow turned into anger towards a colleague of mine. I had angry conversations in my head that kept replaying. Again I was not successful to let it go. Meditated a bit in the evening before going to bed, did positive imaging, and in bed I did some mindfulness exercises. I felt the tension in my body, especially my belly and throat. Woke up super early and had to do the exercises again to avoid the conversations and anger replaying. Today is my day off with my son again, and I don't want to be in that state of mind.

    I now realize that I should have gone for a run or something. I had been behind my PC most of the day and maybe I just needed to get rid of that energy in my body. I will do some push-ups now..... alright 45! Out of breath now and rubber arms :). Will keep doing some of those short exercises today.

    Interactions with people at work were already way better than last week. PMO is really a barrier that weakens the connection with the people around me. Note to self (again): I am doing this for my physical and mental health and for more satisfying interaction with the world. It is worth it!

    Thanks @Raskolnikov and @Living

    Living, I know what you mean by that, but I also find it really interesting if people have a really different view on matters. There's always something to extract from it. I will update my experiences with these exercises here.
  3. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Decided it would be nice to try to wrap my positive imaginations and experiences into haiku's and post them here. No experience with that, but considering all the shameful stuff I have posted here already, I do not have to be ashamed for this LOL

    Early autumn sun

    Potential all around us

    Growing never halts
    A New Man, cjm and Living like this.
  4. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    Cheers mate, it's a pleasure to be ruining such a beautiful song for so many people ;)

    Here's a link to the SAA website. 12 steps are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. They give me the tools I need to leave the broken 15-year old HPMOF behind, the one you met when you read my first step. I feel so optimistic about life now, centred and calm and happy all by myself. The steps really work. The first one is about leaving the addiction behind, and then after that it's all about getting to know yourself fully, the dark and the light, and being willing to do things differently. It is possible to live a different life, to be sober and happy at the same time.

    cjm likes this.
  5. Living

    Living Active Member

    I didn't want to make it sound negative, I just have the habit of elaborating pretty much everything I tell/write. And I do agree that imagination exercises can be a powerful tool.

    Great idea about the haiku by the way!
  6. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Glad you can see a few improvements already. I agree the addiction weakes the connection between ourselves and the people around us.
    Keep moving forward

    P.S. I am not sure whether your haiku is ridiculous or award-winning. ;)
  7. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 13 since last FPM

    Last Wednesday the angry thoughts kept coming back. I kept countering these thoughts by being mindful: accepting those thoughts, letting them pass, focus on the feelings associated to them, and focusing on the here and now. I noticed that throughout the day I got better at it. Also at night in bed they came up and here I also had to try hard to surf my urges to fantasize. To me, this was a victory. The next day, all of it turned to an overwhelming anxiety. I had decided to face my colleague at whom I was angry and had 2 other meetings planned which always make me nervous. It turned out to be an extremely successful day. I faced my colleague with a friendly approach, explaining what I thought I deserved but did not get. Story short, I got what I want, and the bond with my colleague is improved, and feel more respected now. Two other meetings went really well. This day was good for my personal development and my career. I ended up with a terrible headache, but feeling of accomplishment. I have the feeling that my positive imaginations/ affirmations are really helping me. Today I was walking through the hallways at work, feeling like a boss . . .

    Something else happened today. Doesn't feel right to write up now, but something that will change my life in a crazy way. A very positive, but also very challenging way. Still have to let it sink . . .

    Thanks @Raskolnikov! I certainly will :)

    @Hello Penis My Old Friend : Thanks for the link. This is really helpful!

    @Living : I didn't receive it as negative. Indeed interesting stuff these imagination to change the way you feel about yourself. It makes so much sense to me now.

    @trapped7 : :DLOL I think it will be another award in my cabinet next to the: 'most pathetic PMO session of 2013' and 'relapse record of 2014' awards.
    Outsider. and cjm like this.
  8. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Mysterious sky

    Looking up with gratitude

    A family of five
    Raskolnikov likes this.
  9. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 16 since last MP
    Day 0 since last F

    Didn't get a lot of rest this weekend. Had some fantasies on Sunday morning. This morning woke up at 5. Difficulties not to fantasize. Will be difficult to get any rest today, so the evening will be critical. Will have to get rest, stay aware and go to bed early.

    Ok, this stuff from innergold is helping me now big time. Thanks again @trapped7
    1. Will acting on this temptation bring me long-term satisfaction or instant gratification?
    2. What will be the end result if I act on this temptation?
    3. If I choose to act on this temptation will it make my life better or worse?
    4. Do I take 100% responsibility for my own actions or do I blame others and make excuses?
    5. Can the addicted part of my brain force me to act out against my will?
    6. Is there a part of me that wants to walk away from this?
    7. Can I choose to follow that part that wants to walk away?
    8. Is there a feeling of peace that will come to me if I walk away?
    9. Would I feel better about myself tomorrow if I didn’t act out today?
    10. Will I honor the rational part of my brain that is encouraging me to walk away from this temptation?
    My reboot motivation for the day is to be a patient, kind, attentive and good father to my son
    Fry2, Living, A New Man and 1 other person like this.
  10. Living

    Living Active Member

    Great set of questions. Definitly something to will help putting the focus on the right stuff!
  11. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I love these questions. The only problem is when very strong cravings hit you and you're not "interested" in answering them.
  12. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 17 since last MP
    D 1 since last F

    Was able to surf my urges and go to bed to get the rest I needed. Today I feel calm and content. . . . Is what I could have written. I decided to PMO though. So:

    Day 0 since last FMPO

    It was a conscious decision to PMO. It was based upon an 'unwanted emotional state' and I willingly decided to change it by acting out. I was so tired yesterday. I was also in a state of unease that I find difficult to describe. When I finally had some time for myself at 930 PM I started watching TV and binge eating. When I was about to go to bed I just went to my laptop and opened it to watch porn. When I did it I was very aware what I was doing and that it would be better to go to sleep (the only thing I needed to feel good again and get rid of the urges). The same awareness was there when I started masturbating, edging and finally MOed. It was quite a bad/ long one compared to the previous 2 relapses.

    There is no reason for me to do this. My life is good. I am on the right path. I 'just' have to change my behaviour. I have to learn to deal with stress, fatigue and anxiety in a healthy way. I have never learned that. No shame. But now I still have to. Yesterday was a really weak moment. I am climbing back on the horse now. My black-white addictive response is to want to go for a life-changing complete refurbishment of myself right now. I have to be realistic, but I have been eating quite unhealthy lately. It would be good to pick that up again. If I can make the healthy decisions for my son, than why not for myself?

    'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome' (after A. Einstein and others). I will keep doing almost the same thing now, but this is slightly different from 'before'. I will continue with my positive imaginations and affirmations. Keep in mind to be mindful. Not only during meditation, but generally in life. When I am tired, I will take rest. Will also have a better look at the SAA 12-step program.

    @Living and @Fry2: these questions helped me a couple of times during the day. In the evening I didn't even consider them . . . I like the question 'is there a part of you that wants to walk away from this'. It is such a different approach compared to only focus on the part that wants to act out. A negative approach just doesn't work imo.
  13. Living

    Living Active Member

    I agree with both of you that it won't help when you have crossed the line, but they might help you before you did. On the one hand I think that regularly answering these questions might keep you more focussed on why you are doing this and on the other hand they might help you with the periods where something is already stirring but you're not behind your laptop with your pants down yet. For me the period before I cross the line can take days and especially in times like that a set of questions like this one might make a difference.

    I also agree with the strenght of the positive questions. I like to put more focus on where I want to go to than where I want to get away from. It keeps me more motivated and I think it detaches you more from porn. To humbly quote myself: "If you are obsessing over quiting porn, you're still obsessing over porn."
  14. Living

    Living Active Member

    Oh, and sorry to hear about the slip.
  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    You and me both. We know that it's wrong, yet we don't stop it. But, we had a good one before this, so we can do this. It's interesting however, how holidays are bad for me, but good for you, and vice versa. It makes sense though since your job is much more stressful.
  16. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 5 since last FPMO

    Unfortunately I had another slip last Thursday. Watched porn and later MOed twice in bed. Difficult to say why, but felt a lot of tension. At first I didn't really feel the consequences, but yesterday and today I had terrible brainfog. The contrast with a good streak of abstaining is so big. I know what I am doing it for.

    Unfortunately not so much time and opportunity lately and upcoming period to write here. I am following updates of you guys on my phone though, supporting from a distance!
  17. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    I hope you're doing ok.
    Let's keep trying.
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  18. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Thanks guys. Doing fine. Day 16 I believe. No PC available and trying to type on my phone with my big fingers often leads to a lot of frustration, so keep myself from posting. It is hard though, because I am checking the site a couple of times a day and have a lot to share. For now I am reading your posts for inspiration and silent support. Be back soon!
  19. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    A deep dark Ocean

    Sailing at its vast surface

    Knowledge is the key
  20. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Day 23

    Back from vacation. Had a really good time with my wife and son. Some urges here and there, but very well manageable. What really helps is to avoid alcohol. Until just 1 year or so back I took every opportunity to drink. The last year I naturally started disliking alcohol. I don't know what caused the change in me. I just don't like how it changes my state of mind anymore. I want to stay in control. It is annoying that people find it awkward if you don't drink. I had to say 'no' so many times. After a while I stopped giving a reason. It's just no, alright.

    Last night I woke up at 3AM. Couldn't sleep for a long time and had difficulties not to fantasize. I guess that it has to do with being back home. I feel my anxiety levels slowly increasing and also the number of 'conversations' in my head. I will see it as a chance to apply the exercises from psychocybernetics. What a good book. What a wisdom. Will write more about it later.

    I was a bit hesitant to write about it here, but my wife and I are expecting again. Not just one though. There are 2! I am so happy about it. It feels like a great gift. I remember 3 years ago when I heard we were having a son. I felt like crying. Me? Do I deserve a son? And now I feel the same. Me? Do I deserve twins? It feels like a gift from the universe. I am not religious per se and actually very pragmatic, but having children brought me in this state of mind of 'I just don't get it. Life is a miracle'. When my son was born, in the first weeks, I just didn't get it how we have this beautiful human being with us that wasn't there before. Now when I look into his eyes I don't see a mini-me. I don't see a young boy. I see a being with the same wisdom as we all have. I am on and off reading in the Bhagavat gita. I find it so interesting, the fight of Arjuna with his ego and I remember this line so well (Krishna): 'I know every being that has existed, I know every being that exists now and I know every being that will exist'. And with that I see the wisdom deep in the eyes of my son. Well, anyway, where I was going. Although I am so happy and so grateful, I am also very much aware of the fact that my life is going to change dramatically. I know I am up for it. My wife as well. We can get a lot of help. Still I do feel a bit anxious about how things will go. I (we) will hardly have any privacy or time for ourselves anymore and everything will really just be about the kids in the upcoming period. I feel like I will have to prepare well for it, physically and mentally. I have started making some changes and will come will make a more detailed plan here at later stage. One thing for sure: I don't want to fall back on fantasies, porn and/ or masturbation anymore. I want to do this the right way.
    Living likes this.

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