I Came,I Saw, I Conquered

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by plateau325, Apr 20, 2014.

  1. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Good day my brothers and sisters!

    It is now time to give up PMO for GOOD and FOREVER! I will no longer be a slave to my mind. It is time to break free from the chains and BEAT this addiction once and for all.

    First and foremost, I would like to be honest and say this is not my first recovery journal.. I've been here before and needless to say, Everything had been going well until life threw a comet at me that I could not dodge, or didnt think i could. I was going through a lot of stress at home and at work. Friends weren't really there for me, for good reason to, I was a jackass when I started fapping.,. I was a really nice, talkative person, until i started watching porn.. Porn changed me for the worse and Ive lost so many years of my life because of it.. I will never go back again..

    I am a 23 year old male who has been watching porn since 14-15.. with 3 sexual relationships that have failed due to my porn addiction and ED..

    Please help me beat this addiction!

    Thank you! :)

    PS: I will be adding a better autobiography when school's done. I'm in final's week and I have a lot of work on hand. I still have a whole lot of confessing to do and stories to share with you people, so until then. ;)
  2. coolmusti

    coolmusti Go hard or go home

    That's a good mindset, you have to give up pmo, for life, in fact you should give up on masturbation for life as well. You have to go at least a year for your brain to fully rewire 100%. You can achieve this if you go zen mode. It's not impossible you just need to be motivated enough to drift your mind away when urges start knocking on the door.
  3. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    That's exactly right man! it's going to take a lot of time before my brain is back to normal and I no longer get the urges. I've been at this quitting game for over a year now and I can't seem to get by that 3 week mark.. but not this time. I will defeat this burden and discover who i really am. What is the most challenging for me is having access to a laptop, that right there allows my mind to falter now and again and before i'm able to cut lose and convince my mind that it's not worth it.. the urges take over and I relapse.. I'm going to have to muster up more will power or get rid of my laptop altogether.. Whatever happens, I know i will NEVER watch porn again..

    I was reading on another thread indicating that the most important thing about rebooting is rewiring the brain with the real thing. Meaning getting back out there and socializing with women. Day by day I will strive to talk to at least a couple girls. That way, it will become a lot easier when I have fully recovered and will be ready to test to see if my junk is still working.

    Thanks for the encouragement CoolMusti :)
  4. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    This is something that I have compiled that I will apply to my every day life. Some goals that will assure that I stay on track and do not get the urges. I will cross off the goal if It has been accomplished and add new goals in order to keep excelling and becoming the strongest version of myself.

    Short/Long term goals:
    -Write in journal every day for 30 days. Then every week.
    -Talk to at least 3 girls per day. Good conversations
    -Workout hard/eat well/meditate
    -Do not spend more than 1 hour a day on any electronic device, including phone
    -Delete Facebook
    -Go out and play tennis
    -Go for a walk every day
    -Start volunteering
    -Learn a new language!
    -Write short stories!
    -Call family and friends
    -Buy a crossword book!
  5. Spangler

    Spangler Member

    It sounds like you could really benefit from changing your environment and removing triggers. You don't need to do anything drastic, but I recommend only using your laptop in public places (or at least in the common room of your house if you live with others) since it's tempting you to relapse. It should never even be in your room until weeks or months down the line when you're confident that you're not going back to PMO. It's a lot easier to stay clean when we preempt our urges like this.

    Good luck, stay strong!
  6. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Thanks Spangler! You couldn't be more right. I live with a roommate and we both have our seperate rooms but moving my laptop from my bedroom into the living room will definetly have a huge impact on my ability to abstain from watching porn... As of now, my laptop will be placed in the living room until the day I move out. :)
  7. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    I'm going to write my daily experiences up until about 30 days and then I will compile a weekly journal of my experiences from then onwards. 8)

    Day 1: Mood was decent and energy was moderate. I did not feel like I had any cravings, after all it has only been one day. however, my attitude seemed like it was better and I wasn't constantly thinking about negative thoughts which is good. As for my social life and the rewiring process; I talked to several girls in my class. I usually do anyway but I made an extra effort on this day to put my best foot forward and allow me to be myself

    Day 2: For the better part of the day I was positive and my head was clear and not so cloudy like it usually is especially in the morning. The latter part of the day I got into a state of mind that was disastrous. I started to binge eat on tons of junk food, I had a lot of homework to get done and I threw it off to the side because I couldn't seem to find the energy or the motivation to do it It wasn't a good night for accomplishing anything. On the bright side, I did watch several movies which in turn made me feel good momentarily because they were funny XD

    Day 3: Upon waking, I had a moderate urge to fap. I had a morning wood the size of a water bottle! Now, all fappers would know that when you are rock solid like that and you don't have a beautiful girl beside you to release some of that built up test, you want to fap your brains out... Never the best option. I overcame that urge and jumped into a freezing cold shower immediately! The wood became limp and I was good to go again :D I haven't reached a flatline period yet which is awesome, I hope that never happens, although, if it does I'll be ready for it.

    I've also started watching simple pickups on youtube and am in the process of learning how to talk and pick up girls. :D
  8. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Day 4: Relapsed... I am going to be straight up honest here. I'm still bewildered as to what caused my relapse.. I think its the fact that im going through final exams at the moment and having to perform and do well is a stressor in and of itself. I gave in to my urges and fapped and felt horrible about doing it afterwards that I didn't sleep that whole night.. It was disgraceful and I regretted doing it... the temporary dopamine rush that one gets from looking at porn is not worth the withdrawal symptoms that appear immediately after relapsing. Note to self.. in times of high stress, find other alternatives to relieve mystress and DO NOT resort to fapping

    Day 5-9: Recovering from relapse, getting back on track and applying the principles of good habits and behavior from where I left off. "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again" as they say.
  9. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Since I fapped the other day, I am going to post my progress from that day onwards and not consider my other non fapping days, even though they were successful.

    Day 3: Feeling confident and upbeat and ready to tackle the day. It was pouring rain today and as I was walking home from school, completely soaked, I managed to have a smile on my face. I actually thought of the song, "singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling, to be singing in the rain" It felt so liberating for me to be able to smile when the weather was so awful... It be-stilled a sense of hope and faith in me and made me realize that this process im going through is going to feel so great once Ive beaten this addiction once and for all. In terms of rewiring, Ive still been watching the simple pick up clips on youtube and have gained more knowledge when it comes to meeting women. however, I have yet used any of the methods that they share in my daily life. I don't know what's holding me back.. I could say Im trying to stay focused on my schooling but in the end.. thats a lame excuse for not meeting girls.. I need to get back out there and live life and stop being afraid of uncomfortable settings.

    here's to good times to come

    Cheers! ;D
  10. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Amazing list.

    You are doing the right thing by keeping a list of your goals, I do it all the time. And I'm actually due for a new list, since the summer is closing in soon. A list keeps your mind on track of what you want to do, as individuals we have a tendency to wander and be unproductive..if we are able to stay productive all the time, great things begin to happen. Keep this in mind.

    Don't worry about an early relapse...just stay optimistic and go on.
  11. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Thanks Cham! I appreciate it mate. I find a list keeps us accountable and away from distractions. It has served me well in the past and I thought I reintroduce it back into my life.

    I've been too lenient on myself in the past with relapsing here and there. What i use to do is go several weeks without fapping to build up testosterone, and then i'd binge for a solid two to three days... Pathetic i know. That binge day was like a day in paradise for me but little did I know that i was royally effing my body and mind up on a whole different level. If i could go back in time and change a few things I definetly would, I think we all would.. but the important this is to focus on the present and future and once we've made up our mind on something, we should always follow through with it and never give up :)
  12. lost trainer

    lost trainer New Member

    hey plateau, I hope you are handling the recovery well. I know how you feel. Having to sit in front of a computer and studying is the worst especially during finals. Studying was a huge trigger for me. I would use porn to procrastinate when I didn't have the motivation to study. I don't know if your still going through finals but good luck. My finals are just starting and I have to spend the whole weekend by myself and my computer in my room. It's going to be really hard and I'm going to be coming back here often for strength. You seem to have a great attitude. We can get through this together!!!
  13. brainslave

    brainslave Guest

    Hey plateau, welcome to the journalling section of the forum, aka the Real Resistance Section. I found that journalling is the only way to make some progress that will stay wether you decide to become a buddhist monk with no sexual activities or decide that noFap isn for you. Long run PMO wont be a problem.

    You're very inspirational with that goal list you made. I think I'll make one too. Just would like to give one heads up for the goal setting. Make sure that your goals are measurable, so you can't leave them behind. Make goals concrete. E.g.: go play tennis 2x a week instead of just go play tennis; finish going through the Spanish learning book, watch 10 movies in Spanish, + read 10 books in Spanish before august 30th [instead of: learning a new language].

    Anyway man. Have fun on the journey. You can check out my journal and give me some feedback if you want.

  14. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Thank you my friend! Final's week is brutal! It really seperates the men from the boy.. If you can get by finals week(s) without fapping or edging.. You can accomplish any task and be rid of porn for good. Finals add undue stress to the body and we are so used to expelling that stress by fapping.. but if we can hold on until finals are done, our road to NO PMO/MO will be that much easier. Try to get out of the house if you can man.. Never trust yourself alone with your laptop, it always ends up bad

    Thanks man, I appreciate it :) That's a good point about making the goals measurable. I totally forgot about the S.M.A.R.T goal setting strategy. I've implemented it in my past but I guess i just got so carried away with getting everything written down (To clear my mind) to think about goal setting, but you spot on. I'll update my goal's 8)
  15. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Updated Version of Goals: 14/05/02

    Short/Long term goals:
    -Write in journal every day for 30 days. Then every week.
    -Talk to at least 3 girls per day. Good conversations
    -Workout hard/eat well/meditate
    -Do not spend more than 1 hour a day on any electronic device, including phone
    -Delete Facebook
    -Go out and play tennis, 2X week for 1 hour
    -Go for a walk every day for 30 minutes
    -Start volunteering
    -Learn Spanish: Go through Pimsleur Spanish I-II
    -Write one short story/poem every week
    -Call family and friends
    -Buy a crossword book!

    Day 4: Yesterday was a good day. I felt like I was in control and I had an overall positive feeling for the better part of the day. What I've tried to do that seems to be working, is smiling at every girl/guy/adult/kid/grandparent etc. that I walk past. It generates a feeling of happiness inside of me even though the other person may not be smiling or even looking at me at that matter.. The fact that I'm smiling releases endorphins inside of me, and just make me feel damn good. Yes, when a women passes me by and smiles, I get this huge surge of confidence and wellbeing that makes me feel joyful. I will continue doing this :)

    Day 5: Still smiling and overall a decent day. However, What keeps bothering me is that in social settings where there are groups of over 4 people involved, I tend to shy away and not get too involved, I keep my opinion to my self and seldomly do I let others know whats on my mind unless I know you well.. I really need to get out of this bubble and express my feelings and concerns.. I just haven't done it enough and I am still somewhat worried about what other people think of me.. Even though I shouldnt give two fucks (forgive me for my language) about what others think.. It's a work in progress I guess and I'll just have to get out there and be proactive in situations that make me uncomfortable.

    I'm going to end each post with a positive quote. That way, If people decide to not read anything that I post. at least they will get a chance to continue their no fap journey by being motivated by the positive quotes along the way ;D

    PS: Thank-you everyone for the continuous support and for reading my thread. Much appreciated and best of luck to all of you ;)

    "It’s not the cards you’re dealt it’s how you play the game” - Chris Pardo
    "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." – Bill Cosby
  16. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Sick list of goals man! Everyone should write something like this.
    And is that Elliott Hulse in your pic?

    What sort of workout regimen and diet do you have?

    Mr J
  17. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Hey bud! Yes it is Elliot Hulse :D I have been watching his video's for several years now and he has inspired me on so many levels. He has a certain way of expressing himself that explodes confidence in me and makes me become a better person. I owe a lot to Elliot Hulse and I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for some of his philosophies and the wisdom he shares in his videos.

    As for my workout and diet routine. I have been bodybuilding for about 8 years now so I have accumulated a lot of knowledge when it comes to working out. It is my passion after all. :)

    I am currently following a training split. I hit each muscle group 2X a week to assure continued muscle growth/protein synthesis. I try to focus on the basics and not get too out of sync with changing too many variables. Focusing on fundamental exercises such as the bench press, deadlifts, squats, OH press, rows, pull ups, curls, etc.

    To put it simply without having to go into too much detail (unless you are interested in that) here is my training split:

    Monday: Upper body power
    Tuesday: Lower body power
    Wednesday: Rest day OR Abs/Cardio/Foam rolling
    Thursday: Shoulders/Traps/Calves
    Friday: Quads/Hams/Abs
    Saturday: Chest/Triceps/Calves
    Sunday: Rest day

    In terms of exercises, sets, reps, volume, HIT techniques, tempo etc. I'll get into that if you want me to on demand :) (Just don't have much time on my hands right now to do it)

    In regards to my diet. I know how to eat well and what to eat, however, my financial situation puts me into a position where I cannot afford the majority of my food.. Im pretty broke right now so high quality foods are hard to come by. School is almost done though and I will be able to eat clean soon. :D

    When i start eating clean I will focus on nutrient dense foods and whole foods such as oats, sweet potatoes, lean meats, eggs, raw veggies, healthy fats, etc. I plan on recalculating my caloric needs and macros and following a IIFYM type of plan but with a more stricter approach, not so lenient if you will. :p
  18. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Day 6: Alright so today I was on point with everything, I woke up having some cravings but was easily able to dismiss the cravings and focus on what I wanted to get done for the day. I ended up treating myself to a breakfast at a coffee shop which was relaxing. I followed that with visiting my sister and her boyfriend whom which just came back from Costa Rica.. We watched the hockey game together and just hung out and discussed her vacation. It was enjoyable and since my sister and I each live busy lives we don'tget that much of a chance to hang out and bond so I am grateful for these moments.

    My sister had to leave for work so her boyfriend and I watched some stand up comedy! which was hilarious!! I haven't laughed like that in the longest time, almost to tears lol... It felt exhilirating and put me in a happy mood. :)

    I finished the day with a deep and thoughtful conversation with my roommate about life issues and the journey of life along with its many obstacles, i enjoy these little talks I get to share with her.. She's the only one who I can talk to in terms of dealing with life problems ad not have to feel judged or critisized.. her and my mom are the only ones. Odd i know. I guess i need to start trusting people and letting people into my comfort zone :/

    As i write this message, my mind is trying to convince me that watching a clip on youtube of a bikini model is not harmful and will not cause a relapse... IM ONTO YOU MIND, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO, IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK, IT WILL NOT WORK!
  19. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Day 7: Morning: I had images flooding into my mind of attractive girls who i've had talked with before in the past, whom i don't talk to anymore, and I had the biggest urge to fap my brains out! I am so glad I was able to overcome this urge.. What worked for me, was as these thoughts came into my head, I thought of something else immediately that I enjoy doing, what happened to be working out. I thought of the workout I hadplanned on doing to and all the intricacies behind the workout... didn't get much sleep but at least i didnt fap!

    Hooray! :D
  20. lost trainer

    lost trainer New Member

    Hey plateau, I'm glad to hear to your able to break through your urges with so much success. You definitely have a lot of motivation, determination, and energy. We all have to definitely think positive. It's so tough getting through the urges. Sometimes I don't want to watch porn but I just feel the strongest need to cum and get that release so I end up making scenarios in my head with girls that I've met or know similar to you. I'm struggling with this so badly like you. But, I'm feeling good right now and I have a lot of motivation. Good feelings all around. We can do this!!

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