i am new need little help

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by prakash, Aug 19, 2020.

  1. prakash

    prakash New Member

    hi i watch porn daily mostly into extreme japanese crap.. have tried fight the new drug website once have got 2 days or 3 maximum... i am trying to become a guy who dont look at porn..came here from https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-quit-porn/ so here to get some support from you guys..iam 35 living alone ...looking for a job,,have anxiety and panic attack issues.. took medication now managing without....on doctor recommondation... can anybody tell me about streaks and accountability partner...
     
  2. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Hey man,
    I am new here too. I was watching a lot of porn daily, probably 3-4 hours, of hardcore Japanese and Chinese bdsm. I would get really into it and also came here from the website you mentioned. We are basically the same age and I also have issues with anxiety and panic attacks.

    The longest streak I have gone without watching Asian porn is 3 weeks. I was really proud of myself and decided to take a peak at what I was missing. BIG mistake. All the work I put into avoiding my triggers (Twitter and Only Fans) went down the drain and I was back at my daily 3 hours of porn. The hard part for me was not being able to let it go. I changed a good bit, but I still have trouble letting it go. After a few weeks, it's just something that I always come back to in order to "relax". So, if you are gonna try to wean yourself off, one thing I might say is keep track of the number of days you are pron free, but keep in mind that you will have urges to take a peak at what you are missing. Although it's technically ok, that really hurts your overall progress.

    As for accountability partners. I found that no one really had the same desires as me, so I couldn't really connect with anyone. However, if you find someone that has the same desires as you and the same drive to stop, it might be a good way to keep yourself motivated.

    Wishing you the best of luck with your new journey. Keep at it.
     
  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @prakash

    This site has a sub-forum dedicated to finding an accountability partner (click here); however, it only consists of that sub-forum and is pretty broad. I recommend checking out Reboot Nation because there are topics dedicated to finding accountability partners that are divided by age range and sex (go to the Journals section, click on one of the sub-forums, and you will find the request threads at the top of the page).

    As for my personal experience with accountability partners, I think you need to consider the role of responsibility here. If you're taking it seriously, it's important to frequently check in on your partner as well as be available for them as much as you can (and vice versa). At least if it is to mean something, although I recognize that's just my opinion. If you and your partner are able to consistently do that, I imagine it being an amazing resource to have during recovery. I've had mixed results with APs, and part of that was due to feeling additional responsibility to provide adequate help through their journey even though I had my hands full struggling with my own. But your experience might be different.

    If you have someone close to you in your actual life that you feel comfortable opening up to about your addiction, I've heard that accountability software can be really helpful (though I myself have never used any). If you're interested, I've heard good things about Covenant Eyes. Another name I've heard mentioned is Accountable2You.

    Streaks are a pretty broad topic, so I'd ask for you to be more specific. It appears you are already using the YBR day counter, which is one resource you have available to keep track of your days off porn. In general, my experience has shown me that counting days is a double-edged sword. I still do it myself, and I think there are pluses to doing so, but I have also experienced the downsides. One thing I might recommend doing early on is keeping other quantitative data about your relapses in some type of log or record (written or digital). Examples include session duration, porn to fantasy ratio, amount of content viewed per fixed unit of time, what triggered you to relapse, etc. It's up to you to find out what you need to keep track of and to do it consistently enough that you can start to notice your specific patterns.

    Wishing to hear future posts about your success, and you too @ItIsTime12345. I definitely hope you two don't turn out like me, stuck in what seems like an eternity of relapse and remission, but if you do end up in a protracted struggle with this addiction, my most important piece of advice is never give up. There is a solution/strategy out there that works for you. It's up to you to find it.

    Take care
     
  4. prakash

    prakash New Member


    thanks man... my first thought is to search for Chinese bdsm bcs i have not heard of it...:).. my problem is mostly not looking at new stuff...i know that these are companies they keep creating content with new women.. and they do it for profit...my longest is 2 days... will try to get your 3 weeks...i believe in order become a guy who doesn't watch porn is to stop looking for new content...bcs novelty is the excitement of porn... another thing i use porn to "relax" too... we should find other ways to relax and manage anxiety...we can try exercise,meditation,guided visualization...etc..

    thanks for your reply

    All the best for future..
     
  5. prakash

    prakash New Member

    thank you for your reply..

    i am not going cold turkey... i have deleted most disgusting stuff and thing i wasn't interested before porn...i still have quiet a bit of porn saved... my hardest thing is not looking at new content..."session duration, porn to fantasy ratio, amount of content viewed per fixed unit of time".. thanks i am using an excel sheet and counting number of times.... but will add what type of porn..is it newstuff or old... etc to my list...and my i dont call it an addiction..bcs https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-quit-porn/ and psychiatrist community have not called it as such..they talk about hypersexuality disorder..but whether it is addiction or not still want to stop looking at it...

    so all the best for your efforts..
     
  6. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @prakash

    Whatever way works best for you I am all in favor of, but I will say that there are plenty of things in that article that I disagree with. I don't want to hijack your topic, but if the mindset presented in the article works for you, I'd recommend sticking with it and then, once you've left the addiction (or habit as your reference prefers to refer to it as) in the past, perhaps spending some time learning about how scientists define an addiction (like here) would be a good starting point for you to explore the topic from.

    Anyway, wishing you all the best with your recovery efforts.

    Take care
     

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