I am new here came from nofap. Cuckholding addiction

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Ineedhope, Jul 21, 2020.

  1. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Hello I am new to this website but I have been on nofap for quite awhile.

    I have not been successful at all and I think nofap was becoming a bad place for me to go and skip up.

    Told many political conversations got me in a bad mood which would then lead me to relapse.

    Anyways my porn addiction has gotten worse since I tried to quit I have developed a cuckholding porn addiction and humiliation as well.

    I also have a problem with video games and social media addictions I can spend hours on youtube and not even think about it.

    I am here to change that and meet some good people on this site along the way.

    It's great do be here.
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  2. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Every great journey begins with a single step.
    Have you seen anybody professionally for you addictions, or what seems like may be some kind of detatchment disorder if you're losing hours like that. It's always good to get a complete physical and see somebody who knows more about mental health than the people on this board to get your baseline before you create a strategy to make changes.
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  3. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Exactly although I have a long way to go I must take that first step.

    Unfortunately I am not in the position to seek out professional help it's just ti expensive that's why I am here.

    I think it's a result of getting bullied all my life. I feel like that's why I got a video game pornography and a media addiction.

    I wish I could but I am really in no position to find a professional at this time.

    I'll just have to try my best thanks for the reply.

    By the way i heard Maine is a Beautiful state if you dont mind me saying I think your lucky living there:).
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  4. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Thanks, it's pretty about 12 weeks per year. Thankfully we're in them right now.

    Have you done any writing about the bullying? Not for publishing, or this board, or anything than to just get it out of your system...potentially even burn it afterward to let it go. You've been using video games and porn to dull the pain. You may need to march right through it, as I did, and once you're on the other side, you'll find that the addictions don't have the lure because you've dealt with that repressed trauma. Just a thought.
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  5. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Yeah it is gorgeous out right now that's for sure.

    No I actually haven't yet.
    I think it's worth a shot. I do think I have problems letting it go. I let life stress me out so much that I go ballistic at the slightest impulse. I feel insignificant and useless maybe letting go of this would help me feel better so I can finally move forward.
    Thanks man you're right. I need to break through masking my emotions because I refuse myself closure when I do.
  6. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I can tell you that the first step of my recovery...probably happened about Day 10-12...was just letting go of all my resentments. I didn't forgive everybody who did me wrong over the years or try to tell myself why I was right and they were wrong. I just let go of it. I mean really, if a friend didn't pay me back $500 in 2008 and I haven't seen that friend since 2010, what am I wasting any brain space on? On a deeper level, the person who abused me when I was a kid has been dead for 15 years and I can now recognize that they had a boatload of mental health issues, too. Keeping that negative energy going isn't worth it because there can never be any positive payoff. People have done me wrong...I've done people wrong. Letting all of it go was a huge early step that I'd never tried before.

    I remember that place. You lose your shit over the stupidest shit because you let it all add up and can never tell when that tipping point moment is. This takes work to change, but can be done. You literally need to start training yourself to examine what's happening in the moment and for me, I have to ask myself if it will be important in an hour, or a day, and if I'll even remember why I was mad or annoyed in a week. If the answer is no, which it almost always is, I've taught myself not to sweat it. If there's a problem, I try to fix it. If it's out of my control, I deal as best possible. There is a concept called "radical acceptance" that I never subscribed to in life because I was the kind of guy who manipulated and cajoled my way into getting what I wanted...and I was really good at it, like most addicts are. I had a deep sense of justice/injustice (and I still do) but I needed to learn that there are far more things in this world I can't control and while some may affect me, most don't. For instance, I largely stopped watching the news because politics really brought me down. When I realized that I have no effect on if a wall is built with Mexico or environmental law in the US is relaxed, I stopped following it so closely. I can't control the world, I can't control other people, I can only control myself. It's easier sometimes to think you can change the world's problems than your own.

    A lot of the time, life doesn't go as we want, and if we didn't have the tools to cope with it when we were younger, it certainly can stick with us. You need to remind yourself that almost all addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem. I tell myself that every day, and I've been in recovery for over 6 years now. I'm not going to lie and say everything is 100% sunny and rosy and always great, but I've never relapsed, I'm healthier than I've ever been and I feel like stress, anxiety, etc., don't have the dominant hold on me they once did. Life is a lot better now, and yours can be, too.
  7. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    This is so well said...I'm totally stealing it ;)
  8. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'd say the calm and somewhat detached pursuit of self improvement. Otherwise self improvement itself will become a source of suffering and turmoil.

    It's funny how "anything" can be/become an addiction really, depending on the relationship one has with that "thing". In the way he "uses" it.

    But I agree with the spirit of your post and also how "NoFap" can further mess one up (unfortunately).
  9. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Yeah I guess that's where I have been wrong in the past. I need to stop thinking of my highscool days where I was constantly picked on and alone and just let go. In all honesty those days for me where nothing but hell.

    I had nobody at school to help or talk to me and my mom was never their for me because she had a huge drinking problem so I guess I just bottled everything in. PMO and video games where my escape.

    I am in the same boat actually over the past couple months the news has been driving me insane with the pandemic and all the riots I was starting to lose hope and lose myself but then I realised I don't have to. I think that's the news intention sometimes is to make you lose hope well I decided to not feed the troll I stopped watching the news for the last week and so far I feel a lot better and I have not relapsed in 6 days so I think this is helping.

    I still have strong urges and although I still don't have the perfect system I now feel positive and strong enough to fight and that's something I am proud of.

    Thanks for this friend. I feel like I am starting to make progress in the last 6 days so that's extremely positive for me. I feel like I have a long way to go but I am finally on the right path I know it might be hell but with all the support I am getting on here and other supports I feel like I am finally ready to start making changes to turn this around.

    I am staying away from the news because I find the news is what I use to get my pmo started. I usually watch it and get myself depressed and kind of like how I was in high school I then use that depression as an excuse to relapse . When it comes to politics I can't do anything to change it the only thing I should do is focus on the things I can change.

    Sorry for such a late reply I wanted to reply sooner I just got caught up with things here. I will reply much sooner for now on that is a promise.
    Joshua Shea likes this.
  10. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    weird for some reason I am not seeing breaking_free's comment.
  11. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Hey dude welcome to the forum first of all.

    Secondly I think it's best to open up about the problems you are dealing with especially on this forum.

    Everyone I have talked to on here has been more then helpful to say the least.

    Try to make a bunch of healthy lifestyle changes instead of just one.
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  12. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    I wish I could help you out there but if you feel like your not in control and can't or have trouble stopping even though you know how much it hurts your loved ones then I would say it would be best to stop and maybe admit it's a problem.

    Well I think that's how it starts. It's good if your in control of it but I think it's a slippery slope to say the least.

    I unfortunately am effecting by porn and it has made me way less productive in life in general but I realise I have a lot more psychological problems then just porn and that's probably why for me I seem to revolve my life around it.

    Sorry didn't mean to steer the conversation towards me again but where I am trying to get at is I have no idea if there is a healthy amount of porn or not. I can only go off of my personal experiences and say that there isn't but I don't have the data or the facts to back me up.

    Maybe it was because I started watching porn at a very young age who knows.

    For me I know pornography pushes me away from my family. I personally think if your wife is becoming upset with your pornography viewing then it certainly is a problem and in that case I think your at the right place. Maybe it gives her anxiety or maybe it makes her feel inadequate but if shes hurt over it then quiting is probably the best thing to do.

    I find that's the thing that makes porn addiction hard to fight in general it us embarrassing and instead of getting help we keep it to ourselves because of the taboo surrounded around it.

    Even on an anonymous forum it was also pretty humiliating for me to come out about my addiction even though there is no way of people here knowing my true identity unless I told them.

    That's what makes pornography addiction unique most of the world still doesn't see pornography addiction as a problem so if I publicly came out and said I was a pornography addict people would either think I am creepy or full of bullshit.

    The good news is it is changing but it's a slow process.
  13. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Oh I see so unfortunately maybe she feels like she isn't good enough anymore.

    I am not trying to predict how your wife feels so please don't take this negativity I am very indifferent to you and your wife but maybe doing that makes her feel like you would rather be with a younger women.

    Usually when ladies get older they start to feel like they are not attractive anymore and when you photoshop her face to pictures she feals like you have lost interest in her body.

    Have you by any chance talked to her and asked her how it makes her feel?

    That's good that you love her so much. I hope you both figure out a solution and live many more happy years together.
  14. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    That does help knowing that actually it does make sense. In all honesty throughout the years I have watched the worst stuff from my different style of porn. It's shameful but I can't let that define me.
  15. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    That's why I think it would be worth having a talk to her. I am trying to tell you from experience though this compulsion can escalate very quickly. I started out watching regular porn but eventually that wasn't enough. It only get's worse and worse each time you watch it.

    Maybe it's worth telling her then. From what you told me you are photoshopping her face but changing her body. I could imagine she would still be upset about that but like I said I have no idea what your wife can be thinking.

    I have no idea if she would believe you or not unfortunately. At the end of the day you're the one that needs to decide if it's wrong I really want to help more but I don't know what to say at this moment I have never really been in a marriage so I don't want to give you the wrong advice.

    Is it impeding your life? Are you staying inside to watch porn instead of going out and living? Do you feel ashamed but can't stop? If you answered yes to any of those I would say slowly going to the addiction side of things.
    Yeah if it starts effecting your plans then I would say stopping this habit would be very healthy for you. I know it's not easy to think you have a problem but usually with this addiction it effects everyone close to you and yourself in a harmful way.

    If you're locking yourself in the bathroom hours at a time looking at it I am telling you from experience it's not a healthy think to do.

    Most say their isn't a healthy amount but like me most are addicts. For a person that doesn't watch this stuff to often the brain pathways for this addiction might not be altered enough to the point where they would feel a negative effect. Since for me I have been watching porn ever since I was 11 my dopamine pathways are a lot bigger and off the charts. So for me their is no healthy amount anymore if I start to watch porn my pathways fire up again and I am back to square 1. I personally don't think porn is good for anyone addicted or not but if your facing an addiction like me porn becomes pretty destructive.
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  16. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was at camp so didn't have access to my computer.
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  17. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    That does make a lot of sense.

    Yeah I am not to worried about that and I think it's not best to dwell on it.
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  18. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    One day photoshopping your wife face on different body's won't be enough that's what is worrisome about this addiction. When I started I would look at pictures of women or play sexual themed games with women on them but eventually that wasn't good enough.
    Then I am glad your here friend. It's good you found this forum and your willing to change this before this escalates further.

    Yeah unfortunately I was one of the later kids introduced to porn in my class.Let's just say it's not unheard of that kids start watching porn even before their age hits double digits.

    With smart phones now and technology I think this problem is only going to get worse unfortunately. I think education is the most important aspect kids need to be taught about the harmful effects of pornography and internet addiction in general.

    I'll answer to the best of my abilities although it's getting late here right now so I might have to answer these questions tomorrow instead. These posts might be very long I am going to try and leave nothing out. Unfortunately I am only on here to reset my counter:(.

    Oh well I'll do better this time:););).
    I have not unfortunately. In all honesty I didn't really think anyone would care to listen but the more I think about it the more the more I think my story might be able to help someone else.I'll write a story of my life when it comes to porn in the next couple of days.

    I'll make sure to send you the link.
  19. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope Member

    unfortunately not by the time I was in high school pretty much every man I knew was watching porn. Maybe less females watched it but I am basically from a generation raised on porn or drugs.
    But I will agree my house was more dysfunctional then regular house holds .I was raised in a single mother household my Dad lived far away and my mom to say it nicely had a massive drinking problem. In high school I was so isolated and the few friends I did have the parents didn't want them to associate with me because of my mom. So porn and video games filled the void.
    My uncle just had a kid he's three years old and he already has a tablet. He is already starting to get a addiction to surfing the web which to me is a problem. Hell even me I remember I didn't even have a cellphone all throughout high school.

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