I am new here came from nofap. Cuckholding addiction

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Ineedhope, Jul 21, 2020.

  1. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope New Member

    Hello I am new to this website but I have been on nofap for quite awhile.

    I have not been successful at all and I think nofap was becoming a bad place for me to go and skip up.

    Told many political conversations got me in a bad mood which would then lead me to relapse.

    Anyways my porn addiction has gotten worse since I tried to quit I have developed a cuckholding porn addiction and humiliation as well.

    I also have a problem with video games and social media addictions I can spend hours on youtube and not even think about it.

    I am here to change that and meet some good people on this site along the way.

    It's great do be here.
     
  2. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Every great journey begins with a single step.
    Have you seen anybody professionally for you addictions, or what seems like may be some kind of detatchment disorder if you're losing hours like that. It's always good to get a complete physical and see somebody who knows more about mental health than the people on this board to get your baseline before you create a strategy to make changes.
     
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  3. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope New Member

    Exactly although I have a long way to go I must take that first step.

    Unfortunately I am not in the position to seek out professional help it's just ti expensive that's why I am here.


    I think it's a result of getting bullied all my life. I feel like that's why I got a video game pornography and a media addiction.

    I wish I could but I am really in no position to find a professional at this time.

    I'll just have to try my best thanks for the reply.

    By the way i heard Maine is a Beautiful state if you dont mind me saying I think your lucky living there:).
     
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  4. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Thanks, it's pretty about 12 weeks per year. Thankfully we're in them right now.

    Have you done any writing about the bullying? Not for publishing, or this board, or anything than to just get it out of your system...potentially even burn it afterward to let it go. You've been using video games and porn to dull the pain. You may need to march right through it, as I did, and once you're on the other side, you'll find that the addictions don't have the lure because you've dealt with that repressed trauma. Just a thought.
     
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  5. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope New Member

    Yeah it is gorgeous out right now that's for sure.

    No I actually haven't yet.
    I think it's worth a shot. I do think I have problems letting it go. I let life stress me out so much that I go ballistic at the slightest impulse. I feel insignificant and useless maybe letting go of this would help me feel better so I can finally move forward.
    Thanks man you're right. I need to break through masking my emotions because I refuse myself closure when I do.
     
  6. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I can tell you that the first step of my recovery...probably happened about Day 10-12...was just letting go of all my resentments. I didn't forgive everybody who did me wrong over the years or try to tell myself why I was right and they were wrong. I just let go of it. I mean really, if a friend didn't pay me back $500 in 2008 and I haven't seen that friend since 2010, what am I wasting any brain space on? On a deeper level, the person who abused me when I was a kid has been dead for 15 years and I can now recognize that they had a boatload of mental health issues, too. Keeping that negative energy going isn't worth it because there can never be any positive payoff. People have done me wrong...I've done people wrong. Letting all of it go was a huge early step that I'd never tried before.

    I remember that place. You lose your shit over the stupidest shit because you let it all add up and can never tell when that tipping point moment is. This takes work to change, but can be done. You literally need to start training yourself to examine what's happening in the moment and for me, I have to ask myself if it will be important in an hour, or a day, and if I'll even remember why I was mad or annoyed in a week. If the answer is no, which it almost always is, I've taught myself not to sweat it. If there's a problem, I try to fix it. If it's out of my control, I deal as best possible. There is a concept called "radical acceptance" that I never subscribed to in life because I was the kind of guy who manipulated and cajoled my way into getting what I wanted...and I was really good at it, like most addicts are. I had a deep sense of justice/injustice (and I still do) but I needed to learn that there are far more things in this world I can't control and while some may affect me, most don't. For instance, I largely stopped watching the news because politics really brought me down. When I realized that I have no effect on if a wall is built with Mexico or environmental law in the US is relaxed, I stopped following it so closely. I can't control the world, I can't control other people, I can only control myself. It's easier sometimes to think you can change the world's problems than your own.

    A lot of the time, life doesn't go as we want, and if we didn't have the tools to cope with it when we were younger, it certainly can stick with us. You need to remind yourself that almost all addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem. I tell myself that every day, and I've been in recovery for over 6 years now. I'm not going to lie and say everything is 100% sunny and rosy and always great, but I've never relapsed, I'm healthier than I've ever been and I feel like stress, anxiety, etc., don't have the dominant hold on me they once did. Life is a lot better now, and yours can be, too.
     
  7. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    This is so well said...I'm totally stealing it ;)
     
  8. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'd say the calm and somewhat detached pursuit of self improvement. Otherwise self improvement itself will become a source of suffering and turmoil.

    It's funny how "anything" can be/become an addiction really, depending on the relationship one has with that "thing". In the way he "uses" it.

    But I agree with the spirit of your post and also how "NoFap" can further mess one up (unfortunately).
     
  9. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope New Member

    Yeah I guess that's where I have been wrong in the past. I need to stop thinking of my highscool days where I was constantly picked on and alone and just let go. In all honesty those days for me where nothing but hell.

    I had nobody at school to help or talk to me and my mom was never their for me because she had a huge drinking problem so I guess I just bottled everything in. PMO and video games where my escape.

    I am in the same boat actually over the past couple months the news has been driving me insane with the pandemic and all the riots I was starting to lose hope and lose myself but then I realised I don't have to. I think that's the news intention sometimes is to make you lose hope well I decided to not feed the troll I stopped watching the news for the last week and so far I feel a lot better and I have not relapsed in 6 days so I think this is helping.

    I still have strong urges and although I still don't have the perfect system I now feel positive and strong enough to fight and that's something I am proud of.

    Thanks for this friend. I feel like I am starting to make progress in the last 6 days so that's extremely positive for me. I feel like I have a long way to go but I am finally on the right path I know it might be hell but with all the support I am getting on here and other supports I feel like I am finally ready to start making changes to turn this around.

    I am staying away from the news because I find the news is what I use to get my pmo started. I usually watch it and get myself depressed and kind of like how I was in high school I then use that depression as an excuse to relapse . When it comes to politics I can't do anything to change it the only thing I should do is focus on the things I can change.


    Sorry for such a late reply I wanted to reply sooner I just got caught up with things here. I will reply much sooner for now on that is a promise.
     
  10. Ineedhope

    Ineedhope New Member

    weird for some reason I am not seeing breaking_free's comment.
     

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