I am going to make it work this time!

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ghostinthemirror, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    Hey there, I am a 46 year old gay male with an addiction to internet masturbation since the time I got online (November 1996). I had several serious attempts of quitting, none of which worked longer than 90 days. There were phases of denial, of thinking "this isn't so bad" and phases of extreme anger, shame, guilt and desperation. I feel that each time I sleep I have a harder time pulling myself out of the mud again.

    I want to pull the plug now for good! I will fight like hell and maybe the miracle happens this time.
    I am looking for new strategies to be able to toe the line - one is a lot of online networking. Using the tool that is part of my sickness for curing it might be a good way for reframing my mind.

    I have also an issue with ED (like most guys who are porn addicts for that long). My relationships suffered as well. It is all part of it. Somehow my professional live was not affected (maybe sometimes by lack of sleep) I know that like most addicts I have issues below the addiction with low self-esteem, perfectionism and anxiety I have to adress during this process. Wish me luck!
     
  2. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    Last online session on saturday, march 3. So I am just on my 3rd day today. Every single day will be a battle. I will adress them one by one.
     
  3. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Good luck, man. We're all in the same boat here. Post any problems you have, and don't forget to advise other people in their journals too. Since you've been at this for a while, you no doubt have some concrete advice to give people.
     
  4. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    one week survivor

    So it has been a week so far. (8 days to be exact) It has been tough - I did several attempts to stop PMO in the last 7 years and each time it seems to be a little harder. I had to deal with a lot of negative feelings this week - restlessness, aggression (towards myself), feelings of being powerless and not in control... but I didn't give in to masturbation, which has been my feel-good technique for most of my life. So that is the good news. The negative feelings will be around, but I have to learn new strategies to deal with them.
    And my penis? Dead - no great erections yet!
     
  5. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Similar age and experiences with P addiction and past attempts to escape here ... we can do it! Hope it's going well...
     
  6. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    Thanks - I am hanging in there. Today is day 19, so I am sober for 18 days. I even keep toeing the line in a difficult situation: I am traveling for work and am alone a lot in a hotelroom with my laptop. But chains.cc, this page and the reddit noFap page help me a lot. Yesterday i had erections I hadn't experienced in a long time. And my whole attitude towards sex and my cock start to change. I think it less a mean to please myself than something you have to please others, to connect with someone else. It is something spiritual which we should treat with dignity.
     
  7. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Well said.

    Day 15....so far so good....still pretty much flatlining.
     
  8. kv22206

    kv22206 New Member

    Good to hear that u r on track after 18-19 days...Its difficult to do that!
    DO u chat or talk to guys online or other online dating sites? Or trying to make contact with a real date or tempted to hook up? Im asking because I am doing all of that!
     
  9. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    Hey there, yes I still do chat sites - and I had a date two days ago, where the sex worked like a charm. I was hard all the time and could ejaculate easily - it was awesome. (It did help of course that the other guy was drop-dead gorgeous:)) That gave me a big boast of me motivation of JUST KEEP GOING.
     
  10. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    [/quote]
    Day 15....so far so good....still pretty much flatlining.
    [/quote]

    This will change in a couple of days I am sure!
     
  11. ghostinthemirror

    ghostinthemirror New Member

    3 weeks today! I am proud of myself - it has been a tough time.
     
  12. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Well done. It really is no different in a lot of ways from kicking a substance addiction. As the old Seinfeld episode put it, you are still the "master of your domain."
     

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