I’m back after a while

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mudshovel, Feb 7, 2021.

  1. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Hey man, where you at? Are you okay?
     
  2. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Hey dudes. Life’s been kinda rough for me. I’m nearing the end of my job contract and will have to move back to my home country which I’m not looking forward to.

    Regarding this, I’ve had the blocker back up and I usually go like 3 days before succumbing usually in the early morning before I’m fully awake. It’s always to the thought of some attractive woman I know in real life.

    I haven’t actually pushed myself to do this just because there’s other stuff going on but I think I’ve accepted that that’ll always be the case. I mean I’m sure all of you have your own personal battles you’re fighting alongside this one. So just because I’m getting my ass kicked by other stuff doesn’t mean I should also let this habit join in on it right?

    Anyways. I guess I’ll go back to logging every day. It only takes 5 minutes and I do enjoy reading other people’s success stories. Right now it’s been about 15 hours since my last MO.
     
  3. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Been more than 24 hours so here’s day 1...again. I think my problem is deeper than just jerking of. I think I’m very unfocused and suck at prioritizing tasks and end up procrastinating. Jerking off is one of the things I do to avoid doing the things I actually need to do. I wrote a list of stuff I need to get done. Today my challenge is to only focus on those things and not waste any time watching YouTube videos or surfing the web, which I find leads to wanting porn.
     
  4. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

  5. Joe Burns

    Joe Burns New Member

    i read through your story, found it pretty informative and made me realize that it is not much different than what i have been experiencing. i'm 36 and i only found out about PIED late last year. and since Nov i decided to go clean. and it has been sketchy at first with only a few days and then relapsing but with time the streak got longer and easier.
    last streak was 70 days and it was not difficult to stay away but i relapsed anyway because i was having a tough patch on the personal side, i'm now on my 23rd day and i plan to keep going. that relapse also cost me a night with a girl a few weeks back :)
    if you keep trying one time after the other you will get there, i'm 100% certain of it.
    point is, the first few times that you relapsed are not gone in vain, they help you move the boundary inch by inch, and eventually you will get a break, so dont take it too hard on yourself just get up and keep going. all the best of luck!
     
  6. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Hey thanks! 70 days seems almost impossible though I have done this before but I was also in army basic training at the time. It’s just way easier when you’re distracted and have no time for it. I’m on day 3. This guy from work shared a story of how he hooked up with some girl. Shit like that doesn’t help but what can I do? This is just normal guy talk and I’m not telling anyone about my personal struggle.
     
  7. Joe Burns

    Joe Burns New Member

    trust me 6 months ago 70 days also seemed impossible to me, i was shocked i was not able to make it past a week in the first couple of times. then after a few times you learn what makes you tick and also the fact that you are not binging everyday is already helping you weaken your porn addition as well.
    so my advice would be if you relapse make it short and dont binge if possible! also ongoing i found it easier to just not get into flirting with girls and looking at dating apps, its a very slippery scope and also puts alot of pressure on you to perform. this is especially true at the begining. so for the 1st 2 months i would let go of all of this and try not to have any expectations from yourself to hook up! you will get there if you keep trying :)
     
  8. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

  9. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 5. I had a few close calls yesterday. I tried but got blocked and then as I was about to take down the blocker, like on autopilot, I told myself no and tried to stop thinking about it. So 5 out of 90 complete.
     
  10. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I relapsed. Everything reminds me of sex. People talk about it all the time. It feels like every movie has a scene.
     
  11. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    You know that feeling described as “post nut clarity”? Immediately after orgasming you just lose all sexual desire for a bit. What causes that?
     
  12. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Not doing great here
     
  13. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    If this was heroine or crack I was trying to quit, I’d be dead by now with all the relapses I have
     
  14. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    So it’s been 24 hours since my last failure. Day 1 is completed. But check this out. I started this in the beginning of February. It’s now May 16. If I had just done this correctly, I’d be done with the 90 days by now. That’s so disappointing. Right now I feel a desire to re visit my favorite genre of porn. I’m not gonna do it because it’s not that strong today. By day 4 or 5 it’ll be screaming at me.
     
  15. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I had a super sexual dream last night. I’m actually surprised it wasn’t a wet dream. I woke up and almost immediately started working out with the weights in my room. The whole time I’m having cravings/flashbacks of the porn I was looking at two days ago. It’ll only get louder in the coming days

    update: I’m actually having that porn crave feeling when I’m not even thinking about porn like when I’m planning out my day. It’s like that weird tension in your dick. I’m just gonna blank my mind and finish my workout.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2021
  16. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I’m craving my favorite porn right now. My brain is replaying flashbacks of scenes. I installed 4 different blockers and although I can take them all down if I really wanted to, it would take a few minutes which I find helps in making me not want to do it. I just want this whole thing to be over and I want to be normal and just start having sex with women again.
     
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  17. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I unplugged my internet router. I can always plug it back in if I need it for something. It takes like 10 minutes to get up and running again though so that wait really helps fight the urges. I spend too much time surfing the web and it often leads to porn.
     
  18. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    This sounds like a good approach. Maybe you need to do it consistently. Do you have anything else lined up after your contract ends?

    How about putting some kind of plan in place for triggers? So for instance, next time you're triggered you have stronger distractions in place. I heard that doing is more powerful than thinking. It could be pausing to relax your body and taking deep breaths or going for a short walk - whatever it takes to switch off the brain's neural pathways.
     
  19. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Yeah I’ve been doing Duolingo lessons on my phone every time I get the urges. After my contract ends I was gonna just get some college done with some part time work. The urges really haven’t been that strong today.

    Hey so I was gonna go out tonight with some guys from work but they definitely ditched me and went without me. It’s kinda upsetting but also I’m so used to this sort of thing happening so I guess not that upsetting. I am sick of feeling lonely all the time though. And it’s definitely because of the PIED. I had to cancel my plans with three different women the last few months because I was afraid I’d embarrass myself. Lost opportunities.

    It’s probably better that the dudes ditched me. I hate drinking and waking up with a hang over. It gets in the way of my workouts and I lose a big chunk of the day just sleeping. I have a lot to do tomorrow anyway.
     
  20. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Woke up this morning with a pretty full and long lasting erection. Didn’t feel the need to masturbate though. I kinda just lay there and focused on squeezing the muscles around it which felt like it increased blood flow to it. I’m proud I was able to resist porn last night. Being bored and sad is like a trigger and I made it through
     

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