I’m back after a while

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mudshovel, Feb 7, 2021.

  1. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    I woke up this morning with an erection. It wasn’t even like a holding in the piss erection. It was just hard for no reason, although not completely hard. A sign of recovery, or so I’ve read. I did my workout yesterday without using pre, put my headphones in and listened to my daily meditation video. Got like 7 hours of sleep. Anything I can to get my dopamine receptors up and running sooner. I feel constantly sexually frustrated. Boredom is the biggest enemy. I wish I could say I stayed off dating apps but I did swipe for a bit. Later this week I go on a work trip and I’ll be sleeping outside in the cold and thankfully in no mood to jerk off. I’ve always viewed these trips as a nuisance but in this case it can really help add days to my countdown. I’ll get plenty of exercise, probably not the best food. Sleep though? Hahaha ok. Still overall this trip should help with my recovery
  2. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    I should read the other journals here. I’m sure everyone has their own tips and experiences. I don’t know what day it is but I successfully made it through. I’ve been feeling depressed all day.

    This girl from my past that I’m strongly attracted to and used to hang out with recently came back into my life. She’s married now and pregnant so I don’t know what she wants from me. Pretty much everyone tells me to not talk to her, that she’s not good for me, that she didn’t treat me good in the past but even though I hate to admit it I am totally ‘simping’ as my younger coworkers would call it, over her. I did imagine us having sex and had the urge to MO but managed to resist.

    I completely stayed off dating apps today

    I got a decent amount of exercise and I’m gonna try to sleep 8 hours now.

    I don’t know why I feel so depressed and if it might be related to my brain rebooting or what. I want to feel confident and positive again which comes at the end of the reboot. I’m frustrated at my lifting progress stalling, my career being pretty mediocre, my lack of a relationship or at least a fulfilling sex life, and other things
  3. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    I explored other parts of this site. I saw the threads by people who have been following this consistently for 6 months to more than a year and are still in a flat line! Holy fucking shit guys! Why does it take so long?

    I saw one guy saying it took him 3 years of completely abstaining from not only PMO but also sex?? His girlfriend was very understanding and supported him.

    But guys I’m already 32. I’m fast reaching the age where no one is gonna want to just have casual sex with me. I never got to really truly experience the hook up phase when I was younger and I really really want to just get that part of my life over and done with before I move on and try to find a serious relationship. Yeah I know, I probably have some psychological stuff to work on but oh well that’s how I feel about it.

    I’d honestly rather get told I have 6 months to live, make it count, than that I can’t have sex for 3 years. But maybe my brain is going to take faster to recover. But I can’t do this like I’ve been doing where I still think about sex all the time. I need to completely be a monk for, we’ll start with the original 90 days and see how I’m doing then. I can go 3 months without sex. I’ve had longer dry spells than that.

    I’ve deleted both my dating apps and Netflix (some scenes from my shows arouse me). From now on my life outside of work will completely be about being as healthy as possible. And I will do every little trick i read about to speed this up. Starting with this cold shower I’m about to take in the middle of winter.
  4. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it takes a while for many guys to recover from PIED. One year reboots, and even longer, are not rare at all. I’m close to 11 months, and not cured yet, but things have improved.

    I’m also 32, but I don’t feel the way you do about age. Man, traditionally they say that a man is at his best in his forties... 32 is still very young, you have many good years ahead of you. I really don’t think we’ll have less occasions to meet women in our thirties or forties, and even after. If you’re an interesting man with a functional dick, it doesn’t matter how old you are, you’ll always have opportunities with women. It won’t be like when you were 16, of course, but that doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure that for most people, the best sex they had is not when they were teenagers: it’s probably more when they were more mature and they knew what they wanted and how to get it.

    Rebooting is not a sprint, it’s more like a marathon. It sucks that it takes so much time to heal, but we have to accept it. There’s no rush, we have many good years ahead of us if we do this right.
  5. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    Thank you so much for replying. I’ve been meaning to reply to you all as well. I’ve just been caught up reading all the stories about the really long recovery times and dreading this happening to me.

    Today i am actually leaving for a work trip for a week. I’ll have to update then and then I go on another trip for another week. This is good for my reboot.

    Even though it’s been like 2 1/2 weeks yesterday since I last looked at porn, yesterday was really the first day I did everything the correctly. By that I mean, I did not think about sex at all, I pushed those thoughts out of my mind, didn’t talk to any of the women i was trying to hook up with. I did not want to get a dopamine rush from even thinking about sex. The fear of a super long recovery was a big motivator. I also told my ex that I wasn’t over her yet and for that reason she needs to stop contacting me.

    Last night for a big portion of the night I had a pretty strong hard on. I was having sexual dreams but it was really a dream about one of the porn scenarios I was into. Then the dream became just about me relapsing. When I woke up I was really hard, not one of those semi erections that we’re all familiar with. But I know that it’s way too soon to be a sign of recovery. I think it’s more like my body reminding me it wants the drug again... I can only expect this feeling to get stronger in the next few days. I will keep pushing it out of my head with the fear of an ultra long recovery. I need to make it to the flatline. I think the urges will stop then and it’ll be an easier ride.
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  6. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    Ok so I guess I was wrong about our work schedule. I thought I’d be gone until Thursday but we were lucky enough to get a little break for the next two days before heading right back out into the cold. It was great for the reboot. When I wasn’t doing my job my main priority was keeping warm and catching up on sleep. There was simply no time for PMO.

    Now I did catch myself thinking about sex. Part of it is because the guys I work with constantly talk about it. And part of me wants to maintain contact with my one Tinder match so I can see her after this reboot is complete. But those sexual thoughts never exceeded more than a few short minutes.

    This morning I woke up really hard. But this isn’t a recovery erection just yet. It’s a withdrawal erection. Before I start seeing those recovery erections I need to first make it through the long and depressing flat line stage which is basically a version of PAWS that drug addicts go through as they’re recovering.
  7. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Ahahaaha, I wonder how little fuck a person would have to give to say:

    "Your constant mentioning of fornication seems an impediment to my attempts at healing my sexual addiction to erotic media, kindly cease and talk about the weather, will you?"

  8. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    I’m afraid I am not ready to tell anybody about what I’m doing here. It is embarrassing to admit as a guy that you have erectile dysfunction even if it’s curable by doing a reboot.

    I woke up with another withdrawal boner. It was tempting to MO but I managed to resist. But from many of the journals I’ve been reading it’s not enough to just hold off on orgasm. To be a true hard reboot you should try your hardest to not even think about sex because that gives your brain a dopamine rush. You must train your brain to only be aroused by physical contact with a woman. If you want to keep that recovery time as low as possible.

    It’s depressing that most of the success stories on the first page at least are like “I have much more energy, confidence, oh by the way my PIED isn’t completely gone yet but I have a very understanding gf...” Bro I’m really only doing this for the ED. That’s the only reason. I’m really not trying to go 6+ months without sex and I don’t want an understanding girlfriend. I just want to be back to normal so if that means I have to do 3 months without even thinking about sex, I really wish my brain would be mentally strong and tough it out.

    The early mornings when I wake up are like my weakest moment. I already have the withdrawal boner. In a half asleep state I start thinking about the girls I know and my hand reaches down there. But as soon as I am awake enough to realize what I’m doing stop. I need to make it to the end of the week. I’ll be going on another work trip and as much as I hate these things I have to acknowledge they really are the best recovery tool because they keep me so busy all the time.
    MrDalloway likes this.
  9. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Same. So unsportsmanlike, the enemy doesn't even wait till you get your bloody coffee.
    wecandothisagain likes this.
  10. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    Dudes I relapsed. Early this morning just before I woke up I was sleeping on my stomach and...I guess I was dry humping my bed to some dream I was having and my dick was just super sensitive...ugh. I woke up super disappointed. I am taking away my bed privileges. From now on it’s going to be the floor.

    Before I relapsed I think I was about to enter the flat line. I had a ton of energy, was feeling great, dick super sensitive, but weirdly smaller, or smaller than it normally is haha. Well at least I made it further this time.
  11. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    You relapsed in your sleep, sort of? Sorry to hear that. Mornings are just bloody hard.

    Any option to not sleep on your belly?
  12. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    I’ll be sleeping on the cold hard floor of my room. It should be much less comfortable to sleep on my front. I don’t know what else to do because yesterday my dick was very sensitive and it felt like the slightest stimulation would break the dam and flood the whole place. I didn’t even have to touch myself or anything. Right now I’m in a really good place for a reboot because I’m sleeping in a sleeping bag at my job and it’s really cold outside so masturbating is nowhere on my mind. I just want to stay warm until it’s time to get out and do my job and then crawl right back in.
  13. I've just turnt 33 and I have hope. We are still very very young. I still wanna be single till 35-36 and enjoy some, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna heal and live a healthy sexual life.
  14. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    I have a somewhat crude remedy:

    1. Find a foto from yourself say age 20
    2. Remember what marvels, what terrors that age had. How young you were, how weak, how wise. Your friends, and foes.
    3. Appreciate how bloody young you were. You might want to give younger you a stern talking to, a hug, or whatever. But feel that perspective. And, since we are where we are, a forum for addicts, appreciate what losses younger you has yet to suffer, and what damage.
    4. Take a step back. Chances are you in a dozend of years will feel roughly the same about you now. To him, you're bloody young, abd full of opportunity.
    5. Tada, depressive magic!
  15. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Yo, for what little it's worth, I ended up in a similar situation like you when you relapsed in the morning,
    struggled for a moment and then remembered your post and told myself fuck it, this can't keep happening to people.

    And boom it was gone. Thanks, weird ones? :/
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  16. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    That’s good. I’m glad you overcame. Shit I’m only on day 2. If I hadn’t kept relapsing I’d be so much further by now. I woke up this morning with another withdrawal boner. Knew better than to do anything with it. However later in the day one of my female interests texted me and of course my mind was swept up in a fantasy of having sex with her, I know, I’m like so screwed up, but after a few minutes of that I was like wait, I can’t be thinking about this, and stopped. So I’m still in it. God I can’t believe it’s only day 2.
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.
  17. It feels like eternity, I know, but u gotta be strong! Be strong man! U gonna make it.
  18. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    So...where I live, sex work is legal and can be really cheap, so what do you guys think about using one of those girls to recondition your brain and your dick to normal sex? I mean because you don’t care about these girls so you don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself with ED. And you can be honest about your problem with this person, she’s not gonna care, she’s still getting paid. She can even work with you by, I don’t know, going really slow or something... And you would try not to orgasm because that resets you so just...slowly have sex while trying to maintain an erection the best you can. What do you guys think?

    I’m not saying this because I want to have sex really bad or anything. I’m just trying to find ways to speed up recovery
  19. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Well, whatever you decide to do, just don’t search prostitutes on the internet. Escort sites are pretty much like porn sites, so going on them will affect you very badly. If you go to an escort, find another way to contact them than through a website.
  20. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Member

    Well it’s day 3. Still in it
    Iwannachange2021 likes this.

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