I’m back after a while

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mudshovel, Feb 7, 2021.

  1. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I’ve been a member of this site for a long time. I first joined when I was in my mid 20s after having ED with a girl and then attempting to figure out why that happened on the internet. That research led me here and I managed to successfully reboot myself.

    If you’re one of the new guys here wondering if abstaining from watching porn/jacking off will really help with your ED, I can personally attest to that, unless you actually have something wrong with your dick, then I’m sorry. But for most of you young people who have unexplained ED but have no problem getting hard when watching your new favorite genre of porn, if you follow this it IS gonna help and I know because I’ve done it.

    Anyway I’m back. I relapsed really bad. It’s partly because of all the Covid lockdowns in Germany, being bored as hell, constantly feeling sexually frustrated and tired of being single. And of course, I recently had ED again... So now I’m gonna do a whole new reset.

    I have a job that keeps me away from home, and without my cellphone, or any privacy for that matter, for weeks at a time. I can definitely use that to my advantage. I also have an iPhone that has parental controls so today I asked someone to enter a password and essentially locked myself out from using my phone to look at porn, and I don’t have a laptop. So now I can’t look at porn now even if I tried

    The last time I did this for 90 days I was completely cured. So that’s the number I’m counting down to again. I’ll post an entry every single night before sleeping, except when my job has me in the field and I don’t have cellphone signal, but I definitely won’t be able to look at porn out there. Anyway good luck to everyone who’s doing this at the same time. Once again I’ve already done it so I know it works.
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks for sharing that. It’s good to be reminded that we have to stay cautious with this, even when we think it’s a thing of the past. Good luck on your journey.
  3. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Hey thanks bilbo. Day 1 is over for me. Went by without any cravings. I spent a lot of time outside the house which I know helped. And even if I did have cravings I’ve still locked myself in parental control mode on my phone so I don’t even have a way to relapse. 89 more days to go. The rest of you stay strong
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  4. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Let me tell you what happened on day two. This girl that I know is in the hospital and probably bored because she sent me nudes. She also asked for one in return. Now I don’t want to tell her what I’m doing here and I figured it’s not a good move to turn her down after she already sent me hers so I decide I’ll just get hard really quick without looking at her pics, just by using my imagination, and take the pic to make her happy and not finish. Well it didn’t even work. I couldn’t get hard. Good thing I wasn’t actually with her because that would’ve been really embarrassing. Luckily I found one of my old pics to send but I have a date set up with her next week. Hopefully I don’t embarrass myself then. Also I should not have tried to masturbate, even without porn but since it didn’t even work I guess I’m still in this. Day 2 complete.
  5. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 3 felt a slightly stronger urge while texting this girl I’m interested in. The same one who sent me those pics. She’s very comfortable talking about sex which might be a trigger so I’ll have to handle that carefully. Also I set up a date with another woman for Friday mainly to see if I have ED or not. She’s not looking for anything serious so if I do get ED with her it doesn’t matter I’ll never see her again.

    Ran mile repeats today for my workout. Oh I’m doing a lifting routine 3x a week and on the in between days I do cardio. Exercise helps fix your dopamine receptors. So does enough sleep but unfortunately my job is getting in the way of that. Today I had a surprise wake up at 3 in the morning and felt tired the whole day

    Day 3 complete. Stay strong fellas.
  6. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 4 complete. No urges.
  7. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 5 morning (not yet complete). Today is my first big challenge. The last 4 days were weekdays which meant I could rely on my job to keep me occupied for most of the day, because free time + boredom together is a trigger. However I am off from today until Monday. I know from past experience that I’ll feel the urges stronger now because 1. it’s been 4 days without PMO and 2. my brain knows I have all this free time.

    There’s also this other difference from the last time I did this. Last time, I wasn’t nearly as successful with women. I still don’t consider myself “successful” in this area but now at least there are a few women who I met online that have shown interest in meeting me. And these women often get very sexual with flirting and they expect you to do the same, or else they lose interest.

    So this is gonna be a tough one to navigate. I don’t want to tell anyone that I’m rebooting from a porn addiction. But I also don’t want to be like a monk and isolate myself from real women. I think, when I’m feeling it from talking to them I should channel that energy back into the conversation to be more funny/social/confident, but when I’m not physically next to them, I should just not think about them and distract myself from any triggers.
    Deleted User likes this.
  8. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I’m going to be honest. I relapsed during the night/early morning. I had more than one sexual dream. In a half asleep state I stroked it. After 5 days of no release that little bit was all it took. I’m gonna spend today meditating and pushing the prowler sled. I think I eat pretty healthy. I feel like I’m doing everything right to get my dopamine receptors working again.

    I also cancelled my date tomorrow. I really don’t want to have ED with this girl :(. I hope after another week, i should be getting regular morning wood and that’s how I know I’ll be good. I hope this one relapse didn’t mess up the healing process. And I know that barely stroking it while half asleep is still better than looking at porn which I still haven’t done since I started this.

    well I am back to day 0.
  9. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    My second day 1 is complete, no issues. I spent all day hanging out with my friend.
  10. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 2 complete but some shit going on in my personal life kept me pretty distracted. Basically me and my son’s mother got into a big argument over when I can exercise my visitation rights. I don’t have custody only because I’m a single soldier living in the barracks so I see him on weekends. Anyway my ex wants my time to only be on Sunday afternoons which is bullshit, because that’s literally 5 hours out of a 168 hour week. Her new boyfriend gets to see my biological son more than I do. So now there’s gonna be a whole legal thing that happens and I’ve got that hanging over me. Didn’t really have time to think about jerking off.
  11. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 3 beginning. I had some pretty strong morning wood when I woke up. This is a sign that I’m recovering, or so I’ve read. Yeah I guess that one incident 3 days ago wasn’t as damaging because there was no porn involved and I was like half asleep. I think by Saturday I might be alright to see that girl. I also read that normal sexual contact isn’t bad and might speed up recovery so I guess we’ll see
  12. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 3 finished. I did some good exercise today. I did sprints in the morning and then squats and deadlifts in the evening. Normally this would be good for my dopamine receptors but then I remembered something. I took pre workout before lifting. Pre workout gives you an artificial dopamine boost! For us whose dopamine receptors are fucked, we should probably avoid it. Noted.
  13. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I didn’t log day 4 but I completed it no issues. Well maybe not completely without issues. I keep thinking about having sex with the women that I know from dating apps. We’re literally only texting so far and I haven’t met them in person yet but I’m still thinking about sex. I hope when I see one of them this weekend i don’t have any trouble getting hard. Well I’m currently in the middle of day 5.
  14. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    Day 5 completed but barely dudes. I had a lot of cravings yesterday.
  15. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    A win's a win, man. Even if the ultra close shaves rattle you.
  16. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I attempted sex today. I was fine during the foreplay. When it came time to actually do it I became soft in the middle of it. The only thing to do was say I wasn’t feeling it and leave. I’m so disappointed in myself. I really thought going a week would help me overcome this, but then I did set the goal for 90 days.

    So what happens in the meantime? Does my social life with the opposite sex just come to a standstill? Am I not supposed to try anything with any girls until then? Look I’m gonna be totally honest, the last time I did this reset successfully for 90 days, it was because I joined the army and was in training that whole time and didn’t jerk off even once. My mind was on other things.

    I basically graduated from all that fully healed and immediately went to work using Tinder to find dates near my duty station. I know I was healed because I hooked up with some women that I wasn’t really attracted to but I still managed to get raging erections. Today the girl was actually really cute. Mentally I knew she was cute. I just couldn’t stay hard.

    Today sucked. I don’t even know what day it is anymore. I stopped counting. I’ll just keep denying myself non sexual orgasm until my dick works again. Ah I almost forgot. I have a story for you guys told by a female friend of mine.

    So this girl meets a guy for a hookup. They attempt having sex but like me, this guy cannot stay hard. Then he gives up on sex and asks her if she has any nude photos or videos. She’s confused why he wants media when she’s right there. So then he asks her to tell him stories about things she has done with other guys sexually while he furiously attempts to jerk off. She said this felt like two hours but he just didn’t cum or even stay hard. It was super awkward and she ended up leaving.

    As she told me this story I immediately recognized it as a porn addiction. It was weird, I’ve never met this guy, don’t know anything about him, but immediately recognized his problem because I have the same problem. I felt bad for this total stranger because his shame was my shame.

    This girl doesn’t know I also have this problem. I told her that I read about this on the internet and it sounds like that dude had a porn addiction. I explained that his brain was so used to the dopamine rush it gets from porn that he can’t get turned on by regular sex anymore. I was surprised that she understood and even admitted that she might be in the same boat. Turns out this girl also watches a lot of porn and, due to that and plenty of other reasons in her life, she had a full blown sex addiction. She uses dating apps often and, being a girl, it’s way way easier for her to get laid than a guy, so she takes full advantage of how easy it is and sleeps with 2 or 3 guys a night.

    She doesn’t know I am recovering from porn addiction or that I have ED. She really wants to sleep with me and our conversations get really sexual over text and she’s sent nudes not too long ago, in fact I mentioned it here. I will definitely not sleep with her. She’s been having unprotected sex (yes) with more people this week alone than I’ve had for two years. She’s on a downward spiral and it’s hard to watch. She really needs help but she won’t accept it. I think I must tell her in the nicest way possible that we should stop talking.
  17. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    It’s day 7 and I seem to have no problem with morning wood. If only I was like this yesterday. I think that even though I wasn’t able to maintain an erection, just having that human sexual contact might have helped. It’s been like 2 weeks now since I looked at any porn.

    Funny thing is my brain hasn’t really been craving porn at all but instead it wants to jerk off while thinking about the girls I know. So that’s a huge improvement. Because before I started this I had discovered a new genre of porn that my brain absolutely was addicted to and I could not stop thinking about. I would come home from work at like 4 PM and immediately get on my phone and just be on there until 1 AM at night and I’d be getting 4-5 hours of sleep because of this when I easily could have gotten a proper 8. That whole week I didn’t work out once. And every time I would say ok this is the last time but only 30 minutes later I’d want to do it again. I mean that sounds like an addiction. But now I don’t think about those videos at all. Just my real life female contacts. And I still haven’t jerked off.
  18. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Ya, it can be fucking disheartening seeing some one else sinking with the exact same type of problems, and still understand you need to get the hell out of there.
    Because, hey, we have a chance to save our skin. Sometimes just a fighting chance, really. But someone else, who doesn't even see the problem? Running is very wise.

    Yup, same team, regarding not needing porn. Now I am pinned by addiction to MO though. Still, it's a win, isn't it.
  19. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I MO’d. Look it’s the girls in my life. They are a huge trigger. I stopped looking at porn but was still having very sexual conversations with the girls I was hoping to hook up with. Tonight I met a girl on Tinder who almost immediately shared a bunch of her nudes with me after I got her WhatsApp. That’s the exact same thing as porn and that’s what made me relapse. On a positive note I can’t remember the last time I jerked off to pictures.

    I need to stop thinking about girls sexually. At least during this reboot. So, dating apps are out. For 90 days. I’m gonna lie and tell all my Tinder matches that I found a serious relationship. That should get them to stop messaging me. It’s not like my dick can work even if I do get the chance to sleep with them.

    Now I need some time consuming hobbies that will keep me from thinking about girls for the whole day. Work is pretty long. I get home around 5 pm and then the gym is like an hour. Add dinner time and I have like 2 hours to relax/fuck up and relapse.

    so I’m trying to go to college after my job contract ends. I guess I could do some math classes on Kahn Academy that I totally brain dumped after high school. So this will be my daily goal in addition to doing some type of workout.
  20. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    I’ve been having really strong sexual urges all day. Thinking about that girl that sent me those pics yesterday. I want to have sex so bad...but I literally can’t if I still have ED. I have to preoccupy myself with other things...

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