HSIP 101, A Beginners Guide to High Speed Internet Porn

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by WilliamOneAndDone, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Becoming Unaddicted to Porn. Know where you are; know where you want to go.

    If you are a newbie, I mean a really new newbie, this whole fucking thing can be confusing, even terrifying. By the time you are lurking around the forums trying to figure it out, something traumatic has probably happened to your life as a result of compulsive porn consumption. Almost all of us have that moment. For a lot of us it comes when we feel we cannot stop watching porn, and the porn we are watching is porn we no longer see what we consider our natural, normal, sexuality in. We have that "I'm not that" moment, whatever that is, and it gets scary real from there on out.

    In order to fix the problem--and it IS fixable--you are first going to have to understand the problem. There are a lot of people in the world who think they know what the problem is, but are clueless as to what the problem is. I know of members, addicts, in this and other forums, who have been here since 2012--2012!--who still have not fixed the problem, because they still have not figured out what the problem is. It is important to understand the problem because until it is understood, it cannot be fixed, but, once it is understood, it can be fixed. One of the first advantages in understanding the problem is: It becomes finite and measurable. When we first have that "fuuuucckkk AM I FUCKING ADDICTED??!! AM I A FUCKING ADDICT??!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME MOMENT??!!!"--if you are reading this, you know the moment, it is a terrifying moment. At that moment the problem--we can call it porn addiction for now--seems HUGE. For most of us it is a horrifying moment when we have to confront we are fundamentally frickin' flawed. It is a horrible moment, but, for me, saying the words "I am addicted" were the three words that made becoming unaddicted possible. That is right, I said "unaddicted". That concept, "unaddicted", is so contrary to the prevalent addiction wisdom that it is not even a word the dictionary recognizes: unaddicted.

    So, what is it to be unaddicted? Obvious, of course, it means one is not addicted. In the case of one recovered from porn addiction, it means one no longer addicted. You were born unaddicted, and lived, probably, at least your first 12 years unaddicted, and then two events collided: You hit puberty, and you discovered High Speed Internet Porn.

    The brain is very complicated, but let's keep it simple and understand a few simple and key concepts. This addiction is about one thing only; the brain. It is easy, and intuitive, to believe this addiction has something to do with your normal sexuality, or having sex. It does not. This addiction has nothing to do with sex or your sexuality. It is 100% about using artificial sexual stimulation, stimulation that is by definition not sex, aka porn, to create a brain reaction. We, humanity, only figured out how to do this in the last 20 years, or so, because the means of doing it did not exist before. We invented High Speed Internet Porn. Yes, porn existed before, and we liked it, but I am talking about becoming addicted to it. Addiction to porn only became possible once High Speed Internet Porn was invented. That is why the phrase"porn addiction" only came into existence after the internet was invented.

    So, back to understanding the problem. Like every addiction we suffer, this one, like all of them, is something we invented. It is not the first time, nor the last, we invented a way of tricking, or triggering, our brains to experience a reward/motivational response. This is both a gross oversimplification and obvious, but we "like" porn, but more correctly, we like the feeling we feel when we watch porn. So, I hope you are taking notes, is porn addictive? Absolutely not. I know, you are like, well what the fuck are you talking about then? Hold on, hold on, I am coming to it. If porn is not addictive, what is? What is addictive is the feeling it produces, and that feeling is both produced, and experienced, 100% in your brain. I am going to tell you what the feeling is. Now, someone is going to tell you I am wrong, for whatever reason, maybe one of the guys who have been here since 2012, who are down to PMOing only four times a day, (progress, right?), and the guys who tell you I am wrong are not, completely wrong, because what I am going to tell you is a simplified version of the truth. If you are an addict, a simplified version of the truth is A OK, because you do not need to become a neuroscientist to understand, just fine, what the problem is. Wait for it...

    Back to puberty. Almost all of us hate puberty. There are a lot of reasons to hate puberty, but one of the biggest reasons is that, whether you want it or not, and most don't, we become very aware of sex and sexuality. Nature, by the way, cares not at all about that discomfort; all nature wants us to do is have sex and make babies. Really, it is just that simple. Some animals live 100% on pure instinct. Not us, not humans, we have a lot of choices we get to make in our lives, except for one. Nature has wired us, around puberty, to become very aware of sex and sexuality. That is nature's way of encouraging reproduction, and it works. Nature encourages reproduction by rewarding us with what I call, and what you should call, a dopamine high or dopamine rush. Certainly by the time we are 15-16, when we think about sex, we are rewarded with dopamine high. When we have sex, we are thinking of it, so we get that dopamine high. Sure, it is a simplification, but there it is.

    The problem is that porn allows us to get that dopamine high--and it is the dopamine high we become addicted to--far more often and easily than anything else in our world, with the possible exception of hard drugs.

    So, my friend, if you are here and reading this, let me give you the gift of self knowledge. You are not a porn addict, you are a dopamine addict, you have just been using porn to trigger hypersexual thoughts to get it.

    Dopamine addiction, or, if you will, porn induced dopamine addiction, is a very difficult problem to fix, but now that you know what it is, it is not infinite or especially scary, now it fits in a box that you can pick up an examine.

    Is it horrible and difficult? Yes. Is it solvable? Yes. It is just that you, like many, figured out a way of abusing your brain to ride a high, and because it did not look like using drugs, you did not recognize it for what it was. Now you see it. Once you see it, you can start to fix it.

    Ok. If you are following, you now recognize the problem is not porn, per se. We have always gotten dopamine highs, naturally. But porn makes getting those much more easily, much more efficiently, much more often (multiple time a day, for years), with no effort or cost. Without consciously knowing it, we figured out a way to short circuit our brains, a short cut not anticipated by nature, to achieve a feeling, a brain reaction, meant to encourage reproduction, that we really, really, like experiencing. It's all good until....it is not.

    There is a moment, we all have it, it is why everyone is here, where it is not good anymore. You have your moment, I have mine. Let's move on.

    How do we fix this? "Fixing it" is defined by no longer using. Will the reaction, the high, always be there for you, for the rest of your life? Yep. It's hard wired. Love it or hate it (and I actually hate it), thinking about sex, sexual thoughts, are always encourage and rewarded by the dopamine high. Don't think of it in moral terms, think of it as nature encouraging you to make babies, whether you want to or not.

    If you became addicted to this, you did so by training your brain to like it. You did it over and over and over again. You got that dopamine high over and over and over, so much so that your brain began to understand that was normal. You did it so often that when you tried to stop it your brain said "wait, quitting is not normal", and that is where the withdrawals come in. If you can quit porn like some people can quit, say, wearing blue, you are not addicted. Experiencing, and overcoming, the withdrawals is part of the process. One of the biggest mistake newbies make is trying to figure out how to avoid withdrawals. First, they cannot be avoided. Second, they must be experienced to get back to normal, so expect to experience them, anticipate experience them, want to experience them. If you are quitting, they are happening anyway, so don't run from them, run to them. One thing I can promise you. Once you have quit and gone through withdrawals, just the thought of going through them a second time is enough to deter a relapse.

    You are going to have to plan on the hard 90. I said plan. No one just quits. Sorry, truth. It's like the jump sequence in that old movie, The Matrix. No one succeeds the first time. It takes effort and planning. U need to have a plan in place when your dopamine deprived brain has a speaker, turned up to 11 (Spinal Tap reference), aimed at your ears, shouting USE USE USE! You need to plan on that moment now, so when it happens, you have a distraction technique in place to avoid, you got it, using.

    Quitting, during the hard
     
  2. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    This is an excellent explanation of the brain science, William,thank you. I read Gary Wilson's 'Your Brain on Porn' book a few years ago, but am still seeking to understand how this addiction affects my brain, particularly because I have been playing the long game here when it comes to recovery. I am two years three months hard mode and find that I can have what has been described as PAWS, but am not entirely convinced that these symptoms are caused by my addiction as of yet. There are not many long term stories online that can be used as a reference point that may help to provide some clarity on the matter. I know that when I close my eyes, my brain still craves porn like crazy.

    The one point that you have made that I disagree with you on is when you say that high speed internet porn has made the addiction possible. I have met older addicts that became addicted to photos, some keeping stacks of magazines in the attic space. Speaking from my own experience, I felt that I had an addictive relationship with masturbation, fantasy, and the odd soft core image I could find before I had discovered the wealth of hard core porn on the internet. I think that it is more the case that high speed internet porn has magnified the scope for addiction immensely.
     
  3. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi @Freedom from Servitude

    It is a difficult addiction because our brains are built to love that dopamine high. So, compare it to say, cocaine. Without the cocaine the user does not get high. However, for every human being, the thought of sex results in a dopamine high. Thoughts alone, of course, produce that in a far less profound and prolonged way than porn consumption. I don't believe there is any evidence for thoughts, alone, being addictive, but there is evidence for sex, itself, being addictive.

    So, why aren't we all just addicted to sex? The answer is availability. Endless sex, as opposed to endless porn, is not available to most of the population now, and only in the last 50 years, or so, are there places where significant portions of the population, probably only in western society, and probably only in urban areas, could seriously hope to get laid by a different partner on a regular, or even daily, basis. Even for those people who are in a monogamous relationship don't get laid every day all the time, and due to desensitization to their partner, get that initial dopamine high from sex at a diminished level over time.

    As for PAWS, there is a before and after for porn addiction, and the after, while a lot closer to normal than actively addicted, is still not the before, as in the brain before addiction to porn. The human brain is very efficient at remembering things nature has wired it to consider important. The brain is wired to remember where it got that sex inspired dopamine high, because in so remembering, we have something to go back to. That "something to go back to" is a willing partner, in nature; but for the porn addicted, it is porn. But, post addiction, even if we are no longer addicted, the brain, via deltafosB, will never let us forget that, with porn, we had a sure thing, as far as a dopamine rush. Nature loves sure things when it comes to sex, and food also, and via deltafosB means we can never forget where we could, did, and could again get that dopamine high. It is not that you crave porn, but, rather, that you crave that dopamine hit it gives you.

    I suspect the feelings you are having, while no doubt due in part to your prior use of and addiction to porn, are feelings that many of us have by virtue of the fact we have outgrown our wiring as a species. Those feelings you have, now, that you find uncomfortable, might, when the brain evolved to where it is now, have been successful survivial traits. We all hate anxiety, for instance, and it is reported a lot as very high in the reboot, but at the time our brains evolved to their current condition, anxiety might have been a successful survival trait, as in those persons where hyperaware of the dangers in their environment might have been better prepared to deal with it.

    As for when porn addiction first became possible, certainly for broad swaths of the population, it was, in my opinion, via HSIP. I have tried to find the phrase "porn addiction" prior to the internet, and have not been able to. If you find it before then, let me know. Of course one problem of googling "porn addiction" is that you have to use Google, which was only available about the time HSIP was created.

    I went back and searched the DSM 1, and from 2001, found a number of instances of com
     
  4. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Gabe Deem just posted this at Reboot Nation:

    Hey Nation,

    I was recently interviewed by Robert Weiss for his podcast Sex, Love, and Addiction 101. I found it to be a productive conversation and he is really interested in bringing more awareness and help to the reboot community. He has been a mainstream voice around sexual addiction for a long time, and it was great to finally share some of the main points surrounding the topic of rebooting and how a new generation of addicts do not always have pre-existing issues that drove them to porn, but rather had unlimited access and chronically used a supernormal stimulus and then developed issues.

    If interested, give it a listen: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sex-addiction-101/e/56779293?autoplay=true

    Much love

    Hit the link. Knowledge is power.

    This addiction is not so tragic. Porn addiction is a learned, trained, conditioned, behavior. You literally trained yourself to be an addict. That took time and effort. That is the reality. It will take time and effort to become unaddicted. It is a matter of drugery and putting in the hours to get clean. Getting clean takes time and practice. That and a willingness to feel like you are dying for about 90 days. Piece of cake.

    Will I AM

    Much love.
     
  5. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member


    Thanks for this, William. It is interesting that a line has been drawn between addicts who had pre-existing issues and those that didn't. As I develop greater awareness of myself, I feel as though I belong in the former category and not the latter. I do wonder though whether it is so clear cut for a lot of people. If you are experiencing insecurities in your life eg. exam related stress at school, porn becomes a powerful crutch to cope with those feelings.

    Thanks again for posting
     
  6. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi Freedom @Freedom from Servitude , thanks for the kind words.

    Whether you were fucked up, or not, before porn addiction, porn addiction is about using porn to achieve a dopamine high. Does that dopamine high allow you to "escape" problems in your life? Sure. At that moment, when you hit it, all your problems go about one hundred miles away. 4 A sec. That is what we perceive, anyway. In reality, that high just allows us to be distracted from the problem. It really is still there, whatever problem/issue it is, same as it was before, but for that moment, we perceive the dopamine high, not the problem. If that dopamine high was not a good moment, or perceived by us as such, we would not use porn, but is a brain reaction that is perceived by us as a "good moment." Artificial sexual stimulation is a way of achieving a high that is not connected to any actual positive good in one's life. I would not describe the addition as a coping mechanism, but, rather, as an event that some use as an escape mechanism, but, also, as an an event that most use to escape nothing. For most addicts the dopamine high porn results in is the result they seek, for no other reason than they seek it. Gabe Deem, like myself, says he just used porn just to get high; he was not using it to cover up or deal with some underlying bad experience in his past. Did we have some bad issues in our past? Come on, yes, every human does. But, the bad issues in my past were not the reasons I used porn to get high. I used porn to get high because I loved the high. Period.

    So, while I believe some use porn to cope with or escape underlying issues, I believe 100% of people who use porn use it to get high, to get a dopamine rush. The ONLY reason anyone watches porn is to get that rush. Does that rush cover up underlying problems for a second? Sure. But if we did not get the rush, we would not push that button. If it did not cause that rush, we would not watch it. At the end of the day, porn addiction is a relatively small problem. Porn is a button we push to get high, and we like that high. Fucked up before, or not, we like that high, and we like the button we push to get it. It is a trained behavior that, while we were training ourselves, we did not understand we were in training. Becoming self aware of what we are, what we are/were doing, is essential. We trained ourselves to get hooked. We have to train ourselves to quit. Just that simple.

    Thanks for writing. Reading and responding are part of my way of staying clean. So, thanks for offering the opportunity. I hope you write again.

    Will I AM.

    Much love.
     
  7. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member



    Because, if you are quitting porn, you better grow a sense of humor. Gallows humor, even if that is all it is. Smile, you're addicted and quitting, and it TOTALLY sucks, but, that suckiness goes away after a while. So, get busy quitting or get busy dying. Well....maybe not dying, just being addicted.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
     
  8. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    This is for anyone attempting to quit the problem, the problem we call "porn addiction", but which is more accurately described as "artificial sexual super stimulation leading to dopamine high" addiction.

    If you want to quit the problem, whatever words you use to describe the problem, you have to study the problem, and understand it. A lot of people show up here and stay for A LONG TIME without beating the addiction. That is because they have not studied the problem, and they get lost in what it looks like, as opposed to what it really is.

    It is easy to believe the addiction is about watching porn or certain types of porn, aka genres. @Imfree posted Friday about cravings and multi-genre addictions. That is a rabbit hole many of us have gone down--myself in the beginning--but which misses the point.

    So, this addiction works like this, regardless of genre. (And if you think of it this way, you will be far more successful in overcoming it). Don't think of "porn" as porn, and throw out the concept of different types of porn altogether, and give up the idea that one type of porn is more addictive than another--that is not how the addiction works. Rather, think of porn as artificial sexual super stimulation, and understand you are using that to get a dopamine high. One of the most important first steps in getting clean is understanding and embracing the concept that the addiction is not something that happened to you, like catching a disease because someone coughed in your vicinity, but, rather, that, unconsciously, you did it to yourself, you trained yourself, over and over, for years, to use artificial sexual super stimulation to achieve a dopamine high, AND, it is the dopamine high you chase, not the artificial sexual super stimulation. One of the most difficult, and also most important concepts, a newbie addict must embrace is that they were NEVER addicted to porn. Porn is just a button they push to get their real drug, which is a dopamine high. Again, at @Imfree, whom I do not mean to pick on and only say this to help, he is focusing on the buttons he pushes to get his high, rather than the high that is addictive. It does not matter what your artificial sexual super stimulation looks like, it only matters that you use artificial sexual super stimulation to reach your drug of choice, a dopamine high. For anyone reading this, do not focus on the button. Focus on the brain reaction that happens when the button is pushed. Focusing on the button is like trying to cure heroin addiction by studying the needle.

    So, if you are reading this, and you want to get clean, study the problem, and the problem is a brain problem, a brain reaction, you can use to get yourself high, to produce a dopamine high. If artificial sexual super stimulation did not result in that high, then porn would bore us. Without that brain reaction, without that dopamine high, porn would be as interesting to us as watching grass grown. Not so much.

    A lot of porn addicts "move through the categories," meaning move from one genre to another. There is a very simple, scientific, explanation for this that has nothing to do with the genres themselves. That is about desensitization. Crudely speaking, one genre of porn eventually becomes somewhat boring to us, by which I mean, to get the same dopamine high we liked in the beginning, we have to move to new genres, when we have become desensitized to the previous genre. That is brain science. On some level that probably has to do with nature encouraging us to spread our genetic material around. But, back to genres and the addiction--Do not think of the genres as genres, think of the genres as a tool. Whatever genre gets the individual to their dopamine high, the genre being used is a means to an end. The addiction is not at all about the means to reaching the end, it is about getting the end result itself, a dopamine high. Anyone reading this--you are not addicted to a genre, a category, or even artificial sexual super stimulation--you are addicted to what those concepts result in, a brain reaction, a dopamine high. If you are focusing on becoming unaddicted to a genre or category of porn, you will lose, because no one has ever been addicted to a genre or category, and, so, no one can become unaddicted to something they cannot become addicted to in the first place.

    The brain process needs to be broken down in almost mechanical terms. What we know is that certain stimulations lead, inevitably, to certain brain reactions we interpret as pleasure or pain. Those reactions are evolved reactions that naturally lead to reproduction of the species, or that tend to lead to procreation. Simple example, turn on a burner on your stove top, place your hand on it, it burns, you feel pain. That is an evolved response to being burned that encourages us not to be burned. Turns out being burned does not tend to lead to procreation.

    Same with thoughts of sex. Thoughts of sex, (and nothing is as efficient as artificial sexual super stimulation at producing thoughts of sex), tend to lead toward procreation. That is why thinking of sex feels good, but that feeling of feeling good, is actually just a dopamine rush/high. That is nature's way of encouraging procreation. Worked well for a long time, still works well, it is just that via High Speed Internet Porn, we have figured out a highly efficient way of giving ourselves that dopamine high, despite the fact that it does not tend to lead to procreation.

    Before saying more, let me state the obvious: If porn, artificial sexual super stimulation, caused NO problems in our lives, we would never give it up, and we would never have the thought we need to give it up. If you are here struggling to give it up it is because it caused some problem in your life.

    Now understand: The problem is not what is on the screen, the problem is what the video on the screen causes IN YOUR BRAIN. That is why this site figures "brain" in its title, Yourbrainrebalanced. It is not Yourpornrebalanced, or Yourgenrerebalanced. This is very important for a newbie. Don't be distracted by the porn you are watching, rather, focus on the response in your brain it causes, a dopamine rush.

    Gary Wilson's "The Great Porn Experiment" is, in my opinion, the best place to start. If you want to get clean, you first have to understand what you are getting clean from. Look it up, watch it. Even if it is boring to you, it is 15 minutes of NOT watching porn, so, it's a start.

    I am posting this link which I invite everyone to read. It focuses on the why of what we do, as humans. If you are trying to quit porn addiction, is important to understand the "why" of why you like to watch porn. The "why" of it is dopamine. If you start with that simple understanding, it will help you to get clean sooner, easier, and shorten the time from addicted to clean. It's still going to hurt, but maybe you will shorten how long you feel the pain of quitting a bit by getting cleaner sooner.

    https://www.theguardian.com/technol...got-us-hooked-on-tech-facebook-apps-addiction

    It is also helpful to understand that the people who create artificial sexual super stimulation do so in ways they have consciously created to produce a dopamine reaction, because they understand that makes you want to watch it, and buy it, more. Porn addicts are not the only ones who study the brain's dopamine reaction to artificial sexual super stimulation; the science is so accepted that pornographers are also studying it, so they can make porn more efficient at producing that reaction.

    Hope this helps.

    Much Love.

    Will I AM.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  9. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    WilliamOneAndDone, Thanks for this. I'm glad that you have found a way to look at the problem that has led you to succeed. In my personal opinion, saying that the addiction is nothing more than dopamine is out of control reductionism. Any attempt to honestly confont and analyze the problem will be benefical and people have differnt lenses that they use. Our society rewards the "it's nothing but dopamine" kind of view and people will lean heavily on this to sound scientific. Sure, this is a big part of it. Porn does deliver messages though. It involves perceptions and not just chemistry. Porn will tell you things like "women want to be raped". If the male "actors" are slapping and choking the women and saying "take it, bitch" and the like, this will certainly affect the way you view the world. Personal experiences can lead one to addiction.
     
  10. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi @Imfree. Thanks for responding.

    I think there is a danger in trying to overthink addiction. The human brain,while quite complicated, is also quite simple, on some levels. Back to Pavlov. Given the proper stimulation, the human brain reacts with the anticipated response. I agree with you that porn can affect your perception of reality, but, my point was that porn, aka artificial sexual super stimulation, is a button we push to reach a dopamine high. Put another way, regardless of the type of porn you are watching, or what happens in it, all "porn addicts" watch it for only one reason: It produces a dopamine rush. I am sure you would not dispute you watch it for any other reason.

    I also want to to thank you for doing something on this forum that does not happen that often--I offered an opinion, you offered a rebuttal. That is progress in this place. If this happened more often, more addicts would become free. We need to talk about it. Not just you and me, all of us. Figuring it out is progress.

    Much love.

    Will I Am
     
  11. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    I do appreciate you coming back to the forum after recovery. Most people would distance themselves from the whole thing at that point. It seems to me like the only real reason to come back would be a genuine desire to help others. There's a real temptation to say "I'm above all that" or "I'm better than those people" if you work through an issue like this. Also I share your value on civilized intellectual debate. An Internet forum is a venue that would be well-suited for such uses, but sadly that is often not the case.

    In my post, I meant to put the most emphasis on the observation that when caught up in craving, you tend to focus on one thing (ie., the specifics of scenes and genres) as if this is something that you can't live without, but this quickly melts away if you start fantasizing about another genre. In this case, it seems that we are saying the same thing: That you think you are seeking out this particular thing but it is not really what you're seeking and an insight into the root cause can help you to beat the urges.

    I do think that it is dangerous to uncritically focus too much on a given theory, especially one that is fashionable and socially acceptable. There are specific reasons why I find the focus on dopamine problematic, which I might attempt to articulate more fully at a later time (need to leave for work).
     
  12. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Well, in a sense I replaced one habit with another. For the first year of quitting, I posted daily, sometimes many times a day, as I built the narrative in my head that I am quit and I am never going back. Sometimes writing that, as opposed to staring out the window thinking it, helped strengthen my resolve. Quitting porn was one of the most difficult things I ever did in my life, because it was sooo hard to not go back in and get that quick little dopamine rush. The withdrawals I experienced, to me, felt like dying. I lived with the worst depression for a long time. I told myself that though it felt like dying, if I had to feel like dying, every day of my life until I actually did, that is what I would feel if feeling it meant I was not going back to porn. It is helpful when quitting the addiction to think about it in a certain way, and to know something that, when I quit, I really did not know: The pain passes, the withdrawals recede and, eventually, go away. I don't feel bad at all now, at least for not using porn, aka, for not getting a dopamine hit.

    In this place there are two types of people, and usually they are guys.

    First type: Loves his porn, loves how it makes him feel, the sensation of experiencing it, but knows it's a problem in his life, and he has come here to get it under control; to keep it in his life, but get it under control.

    Super nice guy, the first type, but he is doomed to failure. An addict cannot keep accessing his drug and be free; his is just an addict continuing to use

    Second Type: Loves his porn, loves how it makes him feel, the sensation of experiencing it, but...also...has come to hate the power it seems to have over him, the control, and he has come here to eradicate porn from his life, to make it his enemy, to defriend it, eradicate it from his life.

    The second type may also fail, maybe a few times, but he also has within himself the possibility of succeeding. At the end of the day, no matter what angle we come at the problem from, total abstinence is the only cure for this or any addiction. That is why most of us who have gotten clean recommend the Hard 90, 90 days no porn, no porn substitutes, no vanilla porn, as little sexual thought as possible, and no PMO, MO, O, or sex. That is a pretty radical approach, but, they don't call it an addiction for nothing, and curing an addiction, that is retraining your brain not only to live with normally produced dopamine responses, but also not to miss the super high dopamine response that porn can produce, takes a very focused plan.

    As for what causes the addiction, I am proposing no theories. Porn addiction is a brain reaction. It is a neurological truth. This addiction happens in the brain. It is 100% above the belt, and 0% below the belt. That is counterintuitive, because it looks like it must have something to with sex, but it does not. We are smart monkeys, and we figured out a way to use artificial sexual stimulation to achieve a brain reaction (a dopamine high). Truth is, we--humanity--have been able to game that system going back to paintings on cave walls, in the sense we have been able to produce a dopamine reaction by representations of sex. But with the more recent invention of High Speed Internet Porn, we amped our ability to have that reaction through the roof. For the human brain, the ability to use porn to jack a dopamine high is actually preferred over sex. Why? It takes no effort, no price is paid, it is effortless, and, not least, it is infinite, in the sense one could sit in front of the computer and search for the never before sexual imagery, and never have to see the same one twice. That searching element also plays into the dopamine response, the dopamine high.

    For anyone reading this, be careful about what porn whispers in your ear. Porn wants you to think the addiction is an epic problem, because epic problems require epic solutions, and if you think the problem is too big to fix, you probably won't even try.

    Porn will lie to you, whisper to you, rage at you, be your false friend, reason with you, etc. Porn does not want you to know that the addiction is actually an easily understood and quite small problem, that requires only an easily understood and quite small solution. You will not fix all the problems in your life by fixing the addiction, but by fixing the addiction, you make fixing the other problems that much easier.

    At the end of the day the problem is use of porn to achieve a dopamine high. To break that down, what type of porn matters not, because the dopamine reaction is in response to sexual thought, and it is the sexual though that causes the dopamine high. Why? Perfectly natural and evolved response, and nature's way of encouraging reproduction in, at least, mammals. Oh, yes, we are mammals. The solution is easy to say, but freaking difficult to do, and that is abstinence. Quit pushing that button for long enough, and, eventually, the brain quits missing it. And, once the brain quits missing it, you can go back to getting your dopamine highs the old fashioned way, food, sex, etc.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
     
  13. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Absolutely brilliant post. One of the best i ve ever seen. Though i also will offer a piece of advice regarding how i managed to defeat this.

    I have been on this journey for 7 years. Faced all that could be faced, passed through the worst that could exist. Every single facet and effecf of this problem that exists i have faced.

    This year was the worst. In the first half i came back to the addiction with a vengeance. After 70 days clean i fell and fell hard. On and off for 6 months. I cant even tell how bad it was...

    On 1st of july something changed. I read my pick up and sex journal on a pick up website and realised what i was missing. I wanted back to my old ways... I just said I WILL NOT MASTURBATE ANYMORE. EVERY SEXUAL ACTIVITY WILL BE DONE WITH A PARTNER. Boom. I had the best period of my entire life. It was like the addiction vanished. I fell a couple of more times since then , 5 exactly, last one 2 days ago but recovered instantly, in 2 days max and made tremendous progress. Erections just walking with girls, looking in ther eyes etc... The only reason that i fell these 5 times is because i engaged too much too many times in sexual activities like sexting , too much temptation, crazy libido, underlying addiction and no sex tempted me and boom.

    I know now to avoid these things and just to focus on having constant sex in my life.
    I have 10 days and i ll turn 26 so i have 10 more days to fulfill my goal of defeating this at 25.

    That s the way that helped me to get clean. It s just one of many... if anybody can be helped by it, perfect. Cheers and waiting for your response for a good constructing discussion :)
     
  14. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    @sesshomaruinuyasha

    Thank you for your kind words. I invite anyone reading this to respond to start a discussion. As a species, we are learning how to deal with the tech. We are going to learn. The tech is relatively new, on an evolutionary level. We will adapt, improvise, and over come. We are homo sapiens. It is what we do.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.

    どうぞよろしくお願いします

    じゃあね
     
  15. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    This is a good way to put it, and I would say that this is accurate from what I have observed with my best streaks. This is a refreshing alternative to what you see so much on the forum "you are not addicted to porn", "you have to fix your life, not focus on no porn", etc. That is true to a point, but really we are on the forum because of PMO addiction and we motivated by faith that beating the addiction will improve our lives.
     
  16. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi @Pete McVries Thanks for the kind words. It is very easy to out think porn addiction. It is very easy, and a mistake, to make porn addiction an epic problem. In a sense, porn addiction wants you to think it is an epic problem because epic problems require epic solutions, and epic solutions are difficult for regular people.

    Porn addiction is actually a very simple, easily understood condition. It is a trained condition, a learned condition. I use the word "condition" because that is literally correct: We condition our brains to receive, and then expect to receive, a neurological response to viewing porn and PMO. That we receive that neurological response to porn and PMO is simply nature. Nature rewards thoughts of sex with various neurological responses, but we can simplify it by calling it a doamine response, aka a dopamine reward. Dopamine, a brain neurotransmitter, has been called a motivational neurotransmitter, as in it functions to motivate us to eat or have sex.

    Think of dopamine as nature's evolved way to "nudge" you to have sex, and to an extent, to eat. At its crudest, dopamine, aka the dopamine response, can be thought of as nature's way of 1) encouraging promulgation of the species, as in reproduction, and 2) encouraging survival of the individual, by procuring food, as in making us hungry, so we eat, so we can go back to #1, and reproduce.

    Internet Porn, specifically High Speed Internet Porn, though, as a new technology radically enhanced our ability to self medicate, so to speak. We have received a dopamine reward for millions of years, but HSIP, and the altered reality of our current civilization, make watching porn available to many as a diversion, recreational pastime, and a lifestyle. And that is where the expectation comes in. We, being human beings, always liked it, we always wanted it, we always got it when we thought of sex, but via HSIP we trained our brains to expect it, it being a dopamine rush. The expectation of getting it is where the addiction forms. Once the brain anticipates it is getting that rush, and does not, it makes us feel quite uncomfortable, as in withdrawals.

    The bad feelings we feel because we quit using, those are withdrawals. The purpose of rebooting is to re-train your brain not to expect those dopamine rushes. I'll make it short: This can be done, hardmode, in, about 90 days. Does not mean you will never miss it, it means, if done right, the brain will quit expecting it. That is when it gets easier.

    Re-training the brain not to expect the dopamine rush that porn gives so efficiently is the simple solution to porn addiction. That is hardmode for a hellish 90 days. Maybe a bit more, but you have to re-train your brain not to expect the high.

    W.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.

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