How to deal with seeing very disturbing porn?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by aristotle, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. aristotle

    aristotle Member

    Today I saw something that really disturbed me and I don't know how to deal with how it is making me feel. So I live with my dad and he still watches porn sometimes and leaves sample videos that he downloaded in the downloads folder on the computer, I don't think he knows that when he downloads stuff that is where they are saved. Anyways I have the bad habit of whenever I am on that computer and I see videos in the downloads folder I watch them because of my addiction to porn. So today I happened to see several videos in the downloads folder and I started watching them and most of them were just regular porn, but one of them really concerned and disturbed me and I really hope it wasn't real. I don't want to give people triggers but I feel like explaining what I saw. The video was only about a minute and a half long but it was horrible. It was of a woman blindfolded and with her hands tied behind her back and she was in a doorway with some type of noose around her neck and she could barely reach her feet on the floor and you could tell she was choking because her face was blue. It was so horrible and I don't know how to deal with seeing that. It makes me furious and depressed that someone would do that to a beautiful woman and film it. I don't know if it was for a porn studio and she signed a waiver saying she was ok with it and they took her down before she choked to death or if it was real. It's just devastatingly terrible seeing something like that and knowing that people do horrible things like that to other people. It's also worrisome knowing my dad downloaded that video, I don't know if he knew what the video was of or if he downloaded it without knowing what it was. Anyways I just wanted to write that down because I'm very disturbed and depressed about it right now.
     
  2. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    If that's the sickest thing you've seen...maybe you are not nearly as addicted as pops. I've seen worse, but I just choose not to watch that stuff anymore and stick to regular porn.
     
  3. lookingahead

    lookingahead To restore my inmost being. Staff Member

    Allow the memory of the video to flow into your mind freely. Don't fight it, just acknowledge it, then let it go.
     
  4. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    Consider quitting porn altogether. Still saner solution.
     
  5. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Your poking fun here right? I assume you know that I have certainly considered quitting porn completely and have come to the conclusion that it is much easier and more productive to moderate.
    This is kind of like asking an obese person with a binge eating disorder if they have considered halting their consumption of pizza and donuts. I'm sure the thought never even crossed their minds :rolleyes:

    If you are fooling around then I'm sure you mean well in any case. I personally believe the sooner we stop pushing complete abstinence (of which a shocking minority have acheived) and start recognizing moderation as success, the sooner others here will move on with their lives rather than obsessing about breaking their 900 day porn fast with a meaningless lapse.

    It's just more evidence that porn addiction is so closely linked with OCD.
    Certainly you can work toward complete abstinence as an eventual secondary goal, once you have a steady girlfriend and your life is in order.
    The primary goal should be getting your life back and cutting porn use down to the extent that you are able to become a functioning, productive, and overall happy person.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2016
  6. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    No I wasn't fooling around. I was simply answering your post here without having read your thread. Be assured I didn't mean no harm whatsoever. Now, I still think porn is no solution, whatever the situation. And that people should intend to give it up altogether, even when they have repeatedly failed.
    But that's just me. Take care.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2016
  7. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Well, that's fair enough, but you asked me to consider quitting porn altogether, not whether or not it is an ideal end goal for me. I choose to focus on the current goals that I am able to achieve in the present, the end goal isn't even in sight for me yet.

    Due to the harm that porn has caused me personally, yes it is difficult for me to see the good in it, and it would be wonderful for me personally if I could leave it behind some day. I have simply learned that it is very counter productive to bring life to a halt to become laser focused on being abstinent from porn, as though that is the only thing that matters in life/the primary goal. It just brings about unnecessary anxiety.

    As far as whether or not porn has value to anyone, I think we are too close to the problem as recovering addicts to say one way or another. I enjoy having a few drinks occasionally for example, and I would be pissed if someone took away that which I responsibly enjoy, but an alcoholic might not be so inclined to perceive any positive outcomes gained from consumption of alcohol.

    I had this argument with Newnes once, but it didn't really lead us anywhere, because we just don't know what value other people might get from that which we view as a destructive and addictive vice. That's why we have individual freedoms which are only limited in cases of harm done to other people, otherwise it's a very slippery slope.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  8. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    I'm not sure that porn and alcohol can be compared. First, it would be necessary to define the nature of each item.

    I personally think that porn is bad. In itself. Even if I don't watch it. Because its production required the debasement of other human beings. Is it avoidable ? I don't think so. Do I condone it ? No I don't. Have I been using porn extensively ? Yes I have. Am I happy about it. No I'm not. I'm conflicted, that's a given.

    Does society as the whole need porn ? No.

    One century ago porn wasn't available and society didn't fall apart. And before, when a civilisation did collapse, it certainly wasn't due to lack of porn or debauchery.

    Now, if I as an individual choose to watch it, what happens ? What do I get from watching porn ? Ok I'll get turned on. Is it a good thing if I'm alone ? What will I do with that sexual excitement, alone ? Will the outlet be beneficial ? Don't I run the risk to get hooked ? If I want to be sexual, why can't I try to go out and find a girlfriend ? Or can't I try to fix my relationship with my significant other ? If I m, do I need porn ?

    Some couples watch porn together. Ok. Why ? Does it bring them closer ? In a good way ? Do they get more intimacy from watching porn ? Does porn cultivate the positive part of their relationship ? Maybe there are other ways, better ways to enjoy oneself in a couple.

    For an addict, and I'm an addict, I definitely think that watching porn is detrimental. I think that it's the same for the other addicts. I may be mistaken but that is my belief, and I owe everyone here to be honest when I talk. I don't want to give dishonest advice. I don't want to give harmful advice either. So all I can do is being honest and hope that what I say will be beneficial, and not detrimental.

    Now, I don't mean to force my opinion on anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And I know that we all struggle here and do our best to get better.

    So peace man.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  9. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    This.

    Your brain is incredibly plastic. Within time, memories fade. Right now it's your revulsion that's keeping the memory so fresh in your mind - so let go of it all.

    Here's a way to look at things: sometimes the universe sends you a message that you are doing things wrong, and are in a bad way. This was one such wake-up moment. So take it, and use the revulsion as an energy to quit all porn and reboot.

    Personally, I don't believe in moderation for addicts like us. Or at least, it doesn't work for me - my moderation just means longer hours watching vanilla smut, and feeling somehow worse about myself for it all.

    Another thing - I don't care about the ethical arguments for or against porn. All I know is that it kills me. Watching the stuff turns me into a self-hating zombie. (Alcohol does the same to me, so I quit that, years back - yes, the problem was me, but I'm working on that. Thing is, I can't fix myself if I allow porn in my life.)

    Good luck on your progress - it's a horrible complication to share a computer with another porn user. . . maybe you could reboot together?
     
  10. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Certainly, anything can be compared and contrasted, to better understand similarities and differences, that doesn't mean porn and alcohol are the same thing in every way.

    The olden times argument gets a little silly, life wasn't nearly as peachy in the 1900's as it was now, just because we don't need something, doesn't mean that something doesn't benefit some people.

    As I said though, you are asking these questions in the wrong place.
    It's tough for any of us to view porn through anything other than a negative lens, we've had so many bad experiences with it.
    Even if I did say that I personally found the good in porn, nobody would believe, and for good reason as I'm a self described porn addict ;)

    Alright so you feel that having sex on camera is debasing/humiliating, fair enough, do you also consider being nude in front of a camera to be humiliating? Or how about computer generated pornography (which has reached a stunning level of realism). If the entire industry went computer generated tomorrow there would be no opportunity for anyone to be humiliated.

    If you really want answers to these questions though, you'd have to ask the people that believe porn is beneficial to them and enjoy it in moderation. You would need to talk to the couple that only uses it for inspiration. You might never be able to maintain an open mind on the subject, having abused porn in the past and getting so well acquainted with the negative aspects.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  11. UpendiT

    UpendiT Member

    Depression is at an all-time high. I'm sure P and the encouragement of MO has no small part in this. To say P is beneficial to anyone is careless.
     
  12. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Well, people can make their own fucking choices, I'm not playing babysitter here. What else shall we add to the list of things that have no value to anyone? Violent games, violent movies, any and all media with sexual elements? Perhaps we should ban the nightly news as well, plenty of violence there, you know I've always wondered what the value is in knitting/needlework as well, think I'll ban all such activity hence forth.

    Everyone is different and we all see value in different things, why is that so difficult for some of you leadheads to comprehend? WHY DO I ALWAYS NEED TO RAISE MY FUCKING VOICE TO FINALLY GET A POINT ACROSS?
    Nah jk, I'm not actually angry at you guys :D

    Really though, it's not difficult to comprehend what I'm saying here, just because porn exacerbates depression in those of use who are addicted, doesn't mean that is a common theme for many other casual porn viewers. There are also plenty of other factors that may account for the current rate of depression diagnosis.
     
  13. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    Now you're being silly. And I believe that you are in the wrong place to explain how good porn is. No, you're not actually stupid. Just kidding.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2016
  14. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Okay, yes I do like to joke around, that has been my style for many months now on this forum both on this account and my former account.
    There is however always an underlying point within my good humor, and I'm afraid you are still missing the point friend.

    If we are going to discuss this, we need to be honest with each other. My point was and continues to read "Viewing relapses and attempted moderation as a failure leads right back into addiction, and some people may find value in porn so it is silly to say that it just shouldn't exist"

    If you try to morph my words into: "Omfg I think porn is the greatest thing since sliced bread and we should all go jack it to porn right now, omg omg omfg...", It won't be long before I catch on to your straw man trickery.

    You can do better than that ;)
     
  15. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    Really?

    I have no interest in misrepresenting your argument. And I didn't try to do so.

    I've understood what your point is. I'm simply not convinced.
    Of course relapses aren't failure...As long as your final goal is to make them a thing of the past. As long as you do your utmost not to relapse. Relapses are unavoidable, that's a given. But they aren't harmless; they must be handled without drama (if possible) in order to reduce their adverse impact. Relapses aren't failure when they don't mess your life up long term (that can happen and some people here have had that unfortunate experience, I guess) and when you turn them into data that shall be used to eliminate them.

    As for moderation, I definitely disagree.
    If you do pmo 3times a month instead of 3times a day, then you've made progress. But only if you intend to completely stop.
    I don't believe in moderation with porn.
    I consider porn harmful. And especially for an addict who'll eventually end up being eaten up if they try to negotiate with that toxic product.

    But once again, that's only my opinion.
    Do whatever works for you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2016
  16. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Fantastic!... I've never actually met someone so incredibly dense, that they deny misrepresentation of an argument even when confronted with direct evidence. You my friend surely deserve some sort of award for your valiant efforts at dodging reality ;)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2016
  17. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Perhaps I'm not really addicted then. Perhaps I just went through some sort of temporary life crisis wherein I couldn't pull myself away from violent pornography for more than 5 minutes at a time.

    In any case, I haven't felt the need to watch such violent content for a few weeks. I now only watch porn and masturbate once every few days rather than a few times a night as before. I guess I must be cured, no reason to stick around here then.

    Good luck, and happy holidays ;)
     
  18. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    Enough. (<Deleted by mod>) I don't need to put up with your disrespect. I'm done with this conversation and with you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2016
  19. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    Nice. Now, what about deleting that guy's post when he insults me ? So this ----- is allowed to show disrespect. But I can't answer adequately? If you delete what I have to tell him, please delete his insulting post as well. This is outrageous.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2016
  20. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Can you give me time to do it before you complain again, Webdeveloper?

    Show patience for more than 2mn, thanks.

    Edit: You don't HAVE to insult people when someone disrespects you. Furthermore, he didn't insult you, he "just" was disrespectful, so you weren't actually replying to him - you were escalating. I've edited his post regarding the worst part, and messaged him as well as you. If you want to discuss it further, feel free to PM me, I don't think that needs to be done in public.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2016

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