How to deal with a boyfriend who has PIED and Anxiety??

Discussion in 'Women' started by Lopes, Aug 28, 2017.

  1. Lopes

    Lopes New Member

    Hey, I am in desperate need of advice on this situation. My 29 yr old boyfriend has PIED pretty bad. We have been together for 6 months now and we have NEVER had sex. I just got out of a 7 year marriage (got married pretty young I am 30 now) where I did not like having sex with my ex-husband for like 4 years of that marriage. It was more cause I was not attracted to him but anyways I get out the relationship and I am ready to be sexually active again and I feel like I have 4 years of sex to make up LOL. I met my boyfriend and he is amazing in every way other than this HUGE issue that he can't get hard to have sex. He almost never gets hard even during foreplay and even when he is using toys on me he wont get hard at all not even slightly. I am so tired of reading articles or advice that tells you to use toys in bedroom as an alternative but 6 months of just toys is way to much and the type of connection you get from actual sex and intimacy is nothing like him using a toy on you. I tell him all the time "why would I want to use a toy with you only?", I don't need a man to use a toy on me I can do that by myself and get the job done quicker. (mean but true)

    Obviously as every woman would think that every time we go to the bedroom he wont get hard you automatically think that its you. He's not attracted to me and then he will say he is but you will think that oh if he was he would get hard. And I know he loves me and thinks I am beautiful but it just makes me feel absolutely horrible and when I start feeling that way I become angry and confrontational and pretty mean. I pretty much tear him apart every weekend for the last 6 months because I am so frustrated with issue. I know it doesn't help at all but I don't know how to deal with an issue like this. Sex is such an important part of a relationship (as I learned from my marriage) that I feel like our relationship isn't complete or normal.

    He has started NO FAP and not relapsed (or so he tells me) already for a month now but I am getting really impatient with him cause he didn't do anything about this issues for the first 5 months although I asked him to figure out what's wrong and i feel like he wasted time and that makes me angry. I also asked him to go to the Doctor and see if he can get Viagra or something to get a boost and he says he wont do it yet. He says in a couple more weeks he will because he thinks that NOFAP is working but I don't see much of a difference when he is with me. He gets hard way more often now and it last longer BUT only when I am not around! When I am around maybe it will get hard at a really random time and will only get hard for a few seconds, not even a minute. Once in blue he will get hard and I will start to play with it and all seems good until the possibility of sex comes into play that it goes completely down and wont come back up no matter how hard I try. Every week that goes by and we don't have sex like normal it just makes me so mad and frustrated that I take it out on him and we almost argue every week about this. I don't know what else to do and need some advice by people who are in the same/similar situation. I would love to know how did you deal with it? Did it ever actually get fixed and how long did it realistically take?

    *Sorry for the long post but there's a lot to get off my chest!
  2. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Oh, buddy. I feel for ya! I'm sorry that I personally can't give much advice because, although I was terribly addicted (still not free of it, completely!), I never had any issues with PIED. I can say, having been around the recovery boards for a while, that staying away from porn, masturbation and orgasm for a period will most likely cure your fellas issue, but that it can take months and stopping porn may not be something he finds easy and straight forward, depending on the nature of his addiction.

    He could do well to get some positive support and encouragement from a forum like this one (if he isn't already) and it sounds like you could do with some support, yourself, mate! On that, I would like to recommend Reboot Nation which is a forum just like this one but with a great community of women, most of whom are partners of addicts (rather than addicts themselves) and from what I have seen do a fantastic job of supporting each other through what can be a reeeeeally tough time.

    Posi-vibes to you, Love. Xx
  3. Matei99

    Matei99 I hope One day I'll be cured

    If you love him, support him.. He goes through some serious shit.
  4. LazarusTrick

    LazarusTrick New Member

    I mean you're straight up saying he went from NOT HAVING ANY ERECTIONS to actually having some now that he started nofap. So as you can see there is PROGRESS, you think these kind of things change overnight? If it was the case there wouldn't be multiple forums and websites dedicated only to that issue. If anything, your BF is doing pretty good I'd say, going from NOTHING to actually something in a month is GOOD. There will be ups and downs, either you deal with them if you love him OR you leave him before you destroy his self-esteem beyond repair.

    And if every time he fails to deliver in the bed you straight up lash out on him and become mean right after it happened, I'm sorry but you're not helping AT ALL. I can guarantee you he is 10000000 times more frustrated about it than you are.

    Read again your message and you will realize he is actually making P.R.O.G.R.E.S.S. You don't sound supportive at all to be honest.
  5. Lopes

    Lopes New Member

    Hey Lazarus- Ok I'll clear it up a bit he had erections before with me but was never able to have sex cause it would go down the minute we even attempted to have sex. He was always like that since the beginning of our relationship. A few months into the relationship he was still getting the same issue if he did get hard (cause it didn't get hard every time) it would go down every time I got near it. So I told him that he needed to figure it out cause it wasn't normal what was happening. So he learned about NOFAP and has been doing it now for almost 4 months now. NO PMO at all! Now he's worse!! he is now flatlining for about 2 months now and nofap for almost 4 months. Now he has absolutely no desire to do anything! Its been over 5 weeks now that we had any sexual contact so I am trying to be supportive of him but for obvious reasons its super difficult but I am still here by his side so you cant say I am not being supportive. I am sure if the tables were turned you wouldn't be so happy yourself after 8 months of not having sex and the intimate connection with someone you really want to do that with.
  6. ZuKagasio1

    ZuKagasio1 Member

    Hey, any update? Flatlines are normal and it can appear to get worse before it gets better.
  7. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Stop wasting time, go a doctor and get viagra prescripted, I mean, make sure he can take it. It doesn't make ANY harm and you need to have intimacy before the spark goes away. Sex is important to have a full intimate relationship. You are doing great being patient, that is intimacy too.

    I am no expert but, if he has been on porn for a while, maybe he only gets hard with porn because all the damage porn does. It is not your fault. His brain doesn't know what to do with a real woman, it is expecting porn. Maybe if he is able to penetrante you, his brain will rewire and want more. No fap might work after months if he really is trying but there is no reason to avoid sex if possible.

    Go to the doctor, get the pills, hope it works!!!

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