How I Recovered After Years of Trying and How You Can Too.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Rusty, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    Its been years since I've been on this forum so I thought I'd begin by telling you a little bit about my story before I begin to explain how I finally overcame this affliction.

    -I began porn use from an early age and masturbated to it over three times a day.
    -When I first tried to have sex I had ED.
    -I solved the problem with Viagra but after a few years that lost its effect.
    -I discovered NoFap when I was 24 and began to realise the root of my issues.
    -I went many years with 5-20 day streaks and then had loads of 24hr porn binges that would send me into despair.
    -Despite screwing up on quitting porn I was now able to get hard with Viagra once again
    -Ages 26-27 spent still trying to quit and failing. It led me to feeling suicidal. Reached an all time low.
    -Aged 28 - Massive recovery. After 4-5 years of trying and failing I found something that worked for me.

    So here it is: this is how I recovered and I would highly recommend it for people who just cannot seem to beat this despite years of trying.

    -The first thing I did was realised that I masturbated whenever I was super stressed: porn was my coping strategy
    -I read tons of books on will-power: what I realised is that willpower is a muscle that develops over time. If we try and do too much too soon then we fail.

    So I knew these two things: 1, I masturbate to porn to escape stress/sadness. 2, quitting pmo is probably too much for me too do - hence all those 20 day streaks and then binges.

    MY SOLUTION:

    -I realised that it was porn that I wanted to quit more than anything so that is what I did. I quit porn but nothing else - I was still allowed to masturbate as much as wanted and even allowed fantasy. Any time I was stressed I just masturbated without guilt. All I had to do is not use porn.

    -Also, at this time I started doing positive things such as lose weight and begin writing again. This is probably not directly of use to some of you guys but I think this creates positive self esteem - something a lot of us don't have because we've been fighting ourselves for so long.

    -I went 100 days without porn. At this point I considered myself no longer addicted. I know some people say 30 days to break an addiction but for me I really wanted to do a 100 days. You can do what you want but you will know when you feel that you no longer crave it.

    -After 100 days I continued to masturbate but I only did it a few times a week when I really, really wanted to. I also minimised fantasy, but every so often I would let slip.

    -I did that for a few months and began dating again.

    -I began seeing someone and after a few weeks we began to have sex. I used half a Viagra just to be safe.

    -After a few weeks I stop masturbating and begin to have sex twice a week instead.

    -A month later I stop taking Viagra.

    -This summer: I no longer use porn. I have sex with my girlfriend. When she goes away I will masturbate but not much (every 2-3 days). I now have a functional life and have overcome my addiction.


    Anyway, that's it. Very simple. But I thought this could help for some of the hard cases here. I spent so many years beating myself for nothing and I wish I tried this sooner. My biggest advice is stop trying to be perfect from the offset and just use zero porn - that's the cause of most of our problems. People have masturbated since time began, its only since porn began that people began to develop issues.

    I hope this helps. Let me know what you think. I'll stay logged in for the next week or so to help answer questions if you have any.

    I really just want to pay it forward right now so I am glad to help.
     
    40New30, coyote and Billy B. like this.
  2. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    I love to read other people's success stories.

    I like how people can take different approaches and still get to the same place. Masturbation doesn't work for me because it makes me relapse, but others find it reduces stress and so stops them relapsing. That's fine, neither of us are right or wrong on this subject. It's about finding what works for you.

    I recently realized that I use porn to cope with stress, and this is my focus.

    Thanks for posting.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  3. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    So many of us use it as a coping mechanism.

    I've got alcoholics In my family and have always been considered good because I hardly drink. But my old porn addiction was almost as destructive in its own way as alcohol can be.

    I now have alternative coping mechanism:

    -Exercise
    -A big treat meal (but only once a week)
    -Masturbate (if close to a relapse)
    -Seeing friends
    -Computer games.

    My big no no is the internet when I'm stressed because that leads to one thing!
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  4. Borges08

    Borges08 Member

    How did you continue to masturbate without full dopamine rebalance after quitting porn? I continued to masturbate too after quitting porn and it led to serious withdrawal/depression.
     
  5. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    I just rode it out. The brain is highly adaptable and will grow accustomed to not getting its old fix after a while.

    Maybe its similar to a smoker going down to vaping to help cut back and then quit. The body craves the smoke and the vape helps you ride it out (although some prefer cold turkey - horses for courses)
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Iamahumanbeing

    Iamahumanbeing New Member

    Great advice, I'm right there with you on all of it.

    Questions

    1. How did your relationship with parents and friends change?

    2. Did you change jobs or careers during the reboot?

    3. Did you notice you had discovered new emotions during your recovery?

    Thanks I'm advance
     
  7. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    1. I'm not close to family but I was more outgoing with friends. This is simply because I've been feeling happier recently.

    2. I'm a student (started uni at 26) and still have a year to go.

    3. I've not discovered new emotions but I have felt happier and I'm not beating myself up over porn anymore. I'm also not chasing quick sex anymore so I have better relationships with the women in my life.
     
  8. freeman35

    freeman35 Active Member

    Rusty thanks for sharing your account, I'm glad to see someone saying that MO can be normal and that its the actual images/videos that really drives excessive MO in most people.

    Can I ask - did you have those moments where you caught yourself about to click onto a website and then had to stop or get up and do something else?
     
  9. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    Yes, and I still get them from time to time.

    If I'm on my own and I think I will slip back to porn I will just masturbate without porn and after I have orgasmed the desire to look at porn has completely gone. This happened more In the early days though, now the temptation is a lot less.
     
  10. HuskyEyes

    HuskyEyes New Member

    Rusty, did you have PIED ? When did you recover ?
     
  11. Joo

    Joo Guest

    Yes I have experienced the same, it being a method that works to keep me away from porn. It does depend on how you masturbate though. If you masturbate to porn fantasies it's no surprise it won't satisfy you and you'll end up watching porn. Many guys will have trouble doing this successfully because they have no sense anymore of what intimacy feels like, so they only have the porn-like experience of sex to masturbate to, which will lead them back to porn.
     
  12. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    Yes I had it, but I was usually able to perform with Viagra. Now i'm off porn I don't need Viagra but will take half a tablet every so often if its a romantic night in.

    I masturbated and thought about real sexual experiences I've had - never porn.
     
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Just bumping this guys story and the responses. Very inspiring!
     
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Me, too. That's why we need to be working Active Recovery at the same time as practicing Abstinence (in whatever form that means for us - staying off the pmo as much as possible being the minimum, obviously). They feed off each other - getting clean gives us more energy and head space to improve our lives (over time, at least: the discombobulations of reboot can occasionally, though only temporarily, feel more de-energising than when we were still stuck in the cycle, almost) and working on other areas of self-development (particularly anything that gives us healthily-derived pleasure or activities that exercise the PFC or otherwise build new neural networks) can aid us in our efforts to cut the pmo use.

    Good best of luck, Bro.
     
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    I particularly like how Rusty's story illustrates so clearly that one size does definitely not fit all. We all need to find our own unique path out of the muck and often that only comes from trying different approaches (giving them a good go) until we find what works for us.
     
  16. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Intriguing. Myself and a few others are trying to get a porn and masturbation in moderation mindset going, it's working great for all 2-3 of us that aren't too chicken shit to try it. Nice to see all sorts of methods taking hold.

    A few questions about your middle of the road solution:
    1) How often were you watching porn at the height of your addiction?
    2) When you quit watching porn, were you filling the void by masturbating just as often as you were while watching porn, did it gradually taper off to a few times a week over time or did you have to force it?
    3) Did you find your fantasies wandering into any extreme places that make you question your morality and ethics?

    I have personally found that dealing with latent shame surrounding sexuality has given me the general happiness in life to find new activities to balance with porn, wherein porn watching is now just porn watching rather than porn addiction. However, I am still not 100% percent convinced myself that I am not just accepting myself as a functioning porn addict. Porn addiction forums can be a bit like a cult sometimes. I try to encourage others to at least give moderation some thought when nothing else works, but I try to keep an open mind.
    It seems your method is viewed as less extreme, whatever gets the nofap cult on the right track to actually dealing with their problems sounds like a good idea.
     

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