This was me this morning! Thanks for sharing man. I stopped MO'ing knowing what a weaker, beat up person I'd be the rest of the day if I FMO'd. You mentioned shame and only being able to open up to another fellow addict. I've been going to a recovery group and there really is something to verbally confessing this stuff. You don't have to do that right away. And after attending for a little while confessing to PMO doesn't seem like such a big deal after other members have confessed to that and many other things. Even if it's not for you, checking out a recovery group is a really cool life experience that opens up your mind. I have to say too that it can be an incredible way to build community and not bear the hard work of beating a compulsion/addiction alone.