I haven't posted for a while. On the positive have not PMO'd or MO'd in the last three weeks since I came back on here, but I have looked at sites (lets say a couple of times in the last week) that I would typically of PMO'd to... but have avoided O. I got a sense that even when doing this it was firing my brain almost as if I had actually PMO'd. I could sense that it set a fear in me that because I had done it, next time I attempted to get close to my partner, it would not be any easier to maintain/ get wood. Anyway, my partner and I had some us time last night, and I failed to get intimate and had ED. It just frustrates her so much. I was actually having a relaxing time getting close to her not wanting to put too much pressure on myself to get an E, whilst struggling a bit to contend with an awareness of her wanting more. In retrospect, I should have tried, but past failures put me off. Anyway, the situation led to her declaring her unhappiness and that she had been thinking about finding someone else. She told me this morning that she does not want to be with me any more as she left the house. I wish I could tell her so much about myself, not just about my insecurities which she knows, bu my sexual compulsions, to help get this out in the open. But some of the stuff, she would not understand and on hearing it would probably leave me sooner, and never trust me as long as owned a phone. I once told her that occasionally I MO'd, to try and open up the conversation around this stuff and the amount of upset that caused was huge. I realise that self pity is not going to help whatsoever. If I care not to create massive upset, then I need to do what is needed to avoid creating it. End of. I get the sense that steady, determined ownership of the problem and full accountability is key. I am ever aware of this, but don't feel that I am living it, or have the capacity for it, for some reason. Man, I need to find not just the strength, but the empathy with others' (in particular my partner's) ambitions, insecurities, desires. I swear this is part of the key to avoiding the self-centeredness that drives SA behaviours.