OK. I joined here about 3-4 years after getting incredibly peed off over my compulsive acting out. I managed to make some repairs, and then got a partner thanks to those repairs... And now I am back where I was many years ago when this stuff caused me the problems it did... OK I am not quite that far back down the hole, but I don't like where I am right now. I have a lovely partner whom is solid, kind, caring and in spite of that I keep acting out looking at escort sites and am losing the ability to get intimate with her. I know that these negative behaviours carry no benefits other than a short term release of poorly directed frustration and I also know that not engaging in them gives me more time to do productive stuff and raises myself esteem. A big concern I have at the moment is that I am simply wired like this and would have been whatever. Part of me just wants to take off and live alone... Anyway, I don't really want that. I want to get myself back and not do this grotty stuff that I despise myself for for its dishonesty and deceit. Am going to check in routinely and keep myself clean.