How do I get over the fact that I was never able to satisfy my ex?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Greg1994, Jun 25, 2016.

  1. Greg1994

    Greg1994 New Member

    I had a beautiful girlfriend for 2 years. This girl was an absolute 10/10, drop dead gorgeous, worked on her body like crazy (squats squats squats), I would be with her and just about every guy would turn his head. I took her virginity when she was 17 and i was 19. Throughout our 2 year relationship we had sex a lot, but my erections were no where near what they should have been at 19 years old. I started watching porn at 12 years old, watched it daily, and realized my erections were getting weaker and weaker.

    When I was with her, I would cum pretty fast, usually within 5 to 10 minutes, and my erections were rarely rock hard. I became socially withdrawn, anxious and unmotivated. Eventually she broke up with me and I was devastated because I didn't really know what I had till it was gone. I miss her till this day. My question to you is, how do I get over the fact that I was never able to truly satisfy herm? It eats at me inside, I constantly have thoughts of other guys banging her longer and better than me and it sickens me. It's like my mind is a bully against me and makes fun of me. I'm sure she is fucking other dudes now, dudes that are more jacked than me and can please her better. And that's what fucking kills me inside, to know that I had such a beautiful girl and was never able to give it to her the way I always really wanted. I just couldn't stop watching porn. Mentally, how would you guys handle this feeling of guilt and shame? It kills me everyday when I think about what could have been.
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    1- You live in the present. Practice mindfulness
    2- You make sure it doesn't happen again. You reboot, truly do your best
    3- You practice self-forgiveness. There are tools (Greater Good Berkeley has some exercises, or do some forgiveness meditations).

    It's done, it's in your past. The only thing you can do about it now, is getting over it.
  3. Forget about her.. Painful memories I bet but we all have them... I'm completely FULL of them because of what PMO has done to me.

    Get another girl. You can never evolve if you are obsessed with your past or present self.
  4. Greg1994

    Greg1994 New Member

    Yea I have a problem with comparing myself to other people, especially from what I've seen in porn. I'd like sex to last longer, and I'd like to be able to pound away for a long time but I just cum too fast when I start to jackhammer.

    She never directly said anything to me. She always wanted more and more sex and I would never skip foreplay. I always made sure I ate her first. She was young, and never masturbated so she didn't know how to have an orgasm. Which kind of disappoints me that I was never able to get her to orgasm throughout our relationship and I know she'll eventually start having them, if she hasn't already, with another guy. My sexual confidence is pretty much dead. I feel as if I don't live up to the expectations of lasting long as a man and giving a girl a real good time. It really all started when I was 19 and noticed I had weaker erections. The reason I assume she didn't enjoy sex was because I was rarely rock hard. Either way, I know I have to put this in the past, I just don't really know how to do that. My mind throws all these negative thoughts at me and beats me up, constantly tells me im not "man enough" to please a girl, etc. I'm thinking about going to see a pyschologist for help. I suffer with a little bit of social anxiety which I never use to have.

    I just wonder if this is all porn induced. I wonder if my brain has truly changed, or that certain parts have, or if I'm just lacking in dopamine and serotonin. The reason I say this is because I use to never have any of these symptoms before I guess my brain changed from watching so much porn for 7 years. I use to be confident, in which I am not today. I use to never have social anxiety, in which I do today. I use to love going out, in which I don't really today. I use to have harder erections, in which I do sometimes but nowhere near as much as I had a few years ago. Thanks for your help either way. You gave some good advice and put things in perspective.
  5. themadfapper

    themadfapper New Member

    Do you miss the company [ she was a good talker, etc], or the boost to your ego having a hot girlfriend?

    It doesn't sound like you miss the sex all that much. If you weren't rock hard I got to assume the sex wasn't that good for you? I assume you're mostly after good sex? Don't cry over this one and find a girl that really gets your juices pumping, and stop beating your meat.
  6. mik

    mik Guest

    Satisfying a woman, ha! that's rich ;D

    You'll bounce back sport, get those rock hard erections back and go bang something.
    Or you could always give the ex a call and tell her that your dick is working again.
  7. Imfree

    Imfree Active Member

    Some women are anatomically different and unable to orgasm with anybody, or they have their own psychological issues which prevent it (in a university course they referred to the female orgasm as a "partially evolved trait".

    In any case, it sounds like your performance was at least average from the way you describe it.

    Going for a long time without orgasming is just practice. You're still a teenager and you will probably get a lot better at it. One thing to do is to stop when you get close and take a break performing oral, etc. The woman will take it as a compliment if you explain that she aroused you to the point where you didn't think you could hold it any more, but you really wanted the sex to continue.
  8. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    This is porn thinking. You have stopped watching the stuff, but you still think porn.

    It will pass. Takes time though. (And the process begins with self-forgiveness.)

    Looking back on my previous relationships - I'm 45 - I can see they all ended for a reason: lack of compatibility. I'm better of out of them, although it didn't necessarily seem that way at the time.

    Take this as a lesson - porn will eat away any success in the real world. It's a learning experience.
  9. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    My advice to you is to go talk to her! Facebook stalk her and find her and talk to her. find out what she truly thinks..maybe she thinks you were a stud? who know? Maybe she noticed your weaker erections and now in hind site she realizes you weren't as hard as her other lovers? who knows? the fact of the matter is that you are beating yourself up for something that you can no longer control. You cant go back and undue it..yes, other men are fucking her and from what you have said it sounds like they are probably doing her far better than you did. They are probably giving her massive orgasms and she is squirting cum all over the dudes cocks and moaning their name..haha..ok, I 'm just messing with you with that..but honestly? who cares? you got to be inside a woman you thought was beautiful? do you not realize that a lot of men on his forum would kill to have experienced what you experienced? Sorry, but you don't have my sympathy...if you want sympathy, go to the dicitornary and look between shit and syphilis..thats where you will find my sympathy...what you need to do is accept what happened..admit you cant change the past..if you need to, go look her up..maybe you can boink her again

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