How can I help

Discussion in 'Women' started by wantstohelp, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. wantstohelp

    wantstohelp New Member

    I'm a girl (ok woman)
    I'm divorcing as is a male friend.
    We have got really close, but not in a sexual way.
    We have talked about lots and I feel really priviliged hes shared this problem with me.

    I have spent the last few days reading lots about it and think I now understand a bit more. I'm not shocked or anything, just have an overwhelming sense of initmacy that hes shared this with me as it must have been very difficult as he really is a very quiet and private person.

    I love this person to bits as a friend. I'm a very touchy feely type of person, and he shys away from this, I understand a bit more why now. But we have had contact, not sexual at all, just closeness.

    Am I doing more harm than good while he is rebooting? We are spending alot of time together, the fact we are both seperating gives us an extra something in common. We arent a long term relationship potential for each other, but for now, I could easily take it further if it bought us both comfort. Would that be counter productive? We dont have any attraction phyiscally to each other, but there has been a moment when I really wanted to, that was before I knew about the PMO. (not that knowing that has altered it, if anything its made me want to do it more)

    Any advice.
  2. I am sad

    I am sad New Member

    My first thought is, he did put a lot of trust and respect into your relationship to confide in you, as you mentioned. But also, I would not expect or hint towards (in any way) a physical relationship with him. Unless you have some candid talks or emails that lean towards this, from what I've heard guys say, they aren't necessarily ready or even desiring a physical relationship at that stage. It sounds to me like he needed to open up to someone. Continue to talk to him, don't judge him and by listening you'll come to understand his story.
    Of course, if it turns out you both want to try something physical, go slow, be supportive and realize it might end up with him having signs of ED.
  3. wantstohelp

    wantstohelp New Member

    Things are going really well, Im so proud of him, as he hasnt watched any nor had any urge to. We are getting even closer and its such a nice feeling.
  4. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I don't think you are hurting him in any way. Non-sexual affection is great during a reboot.
  5. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    My goodness is this true. I couldn't agree more LTE.

    The feeling of wanting another to love you and receiving that love is one of the greatest feelings in the world, it can't possibly be bad.
  6. BigPete

    BigPete New Member

    I agree. Nothing could help more than support from someone and understanding. And, who knows, something further could develop over time when you give it a chance. All the best to both of you.
  7. Virtu

    Virtu New Member

    Re-read I am sad's comment. I agree with her. It looks like, at this stage, he just needs to open up about this to a woman. I have done this before. :) I think it also means that he trusts you and considers a possible romantic relationship with you, or has some feelings for you (admiration, respect, etc.). It could evolve to sexual intimacy, but I think you're both not at this stage yet. It could be just a friendship as well. Just go with the flow. If you like him, listen to him, hug him, show that you're there for him and take it slow, be indirect, gentle, friendly... Enjoy the moment as well. No need to rush... Go with the flow, listen to your feelings.

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