How a wife can help her husband overcome porn addiction?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Crazyblood, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. Crazyblood

    Crazyblood New Member

    Hello! I ask for advice. My husband is not watching porn for a month. I am beautiful, I attract the attention of men,But he has absolutely no attraction to me. He is like a robot without feelings. But we love each other and we want to overcome this addiction. I do not excite him. But he has an erection in the morning. He advised me to seduce and look sexy. I was not sure that this was the right approach to his treatment! How can I help him feel attracted to me again? How to act around him? I don't know how I can help him, because I feel washed up and unwanted:( he does not like kisses and tenderness.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2019
  2. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Hi Crazyblood,

    Over at a different forum there is a really good community of partners of rebooters, Reboot Nation. You may want to check it out.

    If your husband is advising you to be "sexier" to help him along, he is taking the wrong approach. See, when a guy is hooked on porn, his wife can be the most beautiful woman in the world and a sex goddess, but it still won't be enough to compete with porn. Porn changes in a matter of seconds, and a single browser with several tabs has more oomph to it than one woman ever can have, simply because a woman can't shape shift. You upping your game is trying to compete with porn, when the problem is that he needs to not expect porn. In other words, it is not your responsibility to be more like the porn models he is trying not to look at.

    I don't want to pile on him and criticize him too deeply, though. When you're trying to navigate this weird world of quitting porn, lots of silly things can seem like a good idea. After all, his intentions are likely good, in that he wants to rekindle things with his wife.

    This really just takes time. He might see changes at the end of the month, but the month really will only be the beginning. It is all there in him and can come back. I think your approach on focusing on affection/tenderness that is not porn-like is a very good idea, but I would suggest talking to some of the women over at Reboot Nation for some better advice.
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  3. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Ask him what he means by sexy, what attracts him?

    Communication is very important in a relationship.
     
  4. biggleii

    biggleii Member

    Why not?
     
    spoofy likes this.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    I agree with @doneatlast . „He advised me to seduce and look sexy“ sounds a little bit like „Try to be like the women I watch in porn“. And this would be a detrimental view. And I’m not trying to judge or to criticize here. I know how the addicted brain works. Your husband is fine. But the problem is between his ears. You’re not the problem.

    What he needs is time. Time away from porn and time spent with you, so that his brain can rewire. His brain will learn to find normal women in real life attractive again. But for an addict this process just needs longer than one month.
     

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