Horton's Journal: 43 and long, slow recovery - PIED and PE

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Horton, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks for the update, Horton. If it's PIED you'll get there eventually...have you ever been tested for Lyme? Low vitamin D? Candida infection? Having an auto immune disease and not knowing about can easily created ED. Maybe even a zinc deficiency.

    I'm just throwing it out there, it's definitely possible. If you have good health insurance I would suggest finding a naturopath or functional medicine Dr, even a Chiro who knows about auto immune problems.

    I've read almost ever journal on the net and there's only a few cases I can think of where they got better from PIED after about 3 years or more..but it's definitely possible.

    At least you have a normal sex life with drugs, some of the kids on here can't even do that. Try to stay positive, man.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  2. Nomadic

    Nomadic Member

    Hey Horton, I think you're doing fine. For whatever the reason, you don't function well erection wise without the drugs. Not the worst thing in the world. Some guys the drugs don't even work and they resort to injections. Some guys the side effects are so brutal, they can't use them (that would be me). So you're pretty fortunate. Coming too fast or not at all......that happens with lots of people. It's not always the same experience every time you have sex. You say your performance is so "erratic" yet the drugs seem work for you most of the time, so sounds like you're not that erratic. Like I said you're doing fine in my opinion and you've stayed away from PMO which really awesome.
     
    Billy B. and Saville like this.
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You repeat the word "issue." Sounds like there is still a lot of anxiety revolving around the doing of the deed. I love the honesty of your journal and the bravery with which you relate your pain. You've definitely come a long way and I believe you have much more healing to go through. We have, as humans, an incredible capacity to heal and there seems no physical reason this isn't happening for you. There's even the possibility that your girlfriend is not the one for you. I tried having sex with women I didn't really love, nor feel chemistry with, and it was an abysmal failure. Just throwing that out there.
     
  4. Nomadic

    Nomadic Member

    You'd need to go back and read his journal. This definitely does not seem to be the case.
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I don't think it's strange at all to find a small percentage of people who never even escalated into high levels of porn consumption would take a long time to reboot.much longer than most. The brain scan data on monkey's addicted to drugs show that a percentage of them take months and months longer to return to baseline than the overwhelming majority.

    In my personal case, I expect a much longer reboot because I had a very high frequency and duration of use, much higher than average as I've learned. I still need ED meds at times to function (but not always)...but I don't find this surprising either. I notice lots of improvements and I know the reboot process is changing my brain, I can see and feel the changes in how I think and feel.

    Lastly I would just say that there is zero scientific evidence to support the conclusion that behavioral addictions cause permanent brain changes or brain damage. There is, however, evidence that hard drugs (particularly meth and alcohol) can cause permanent damage in some people.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Read it from beginning to end. You're right, does not seem to be the case. I was just throwing spaghetti at the wall. I guess I hate to think that there's no hope. Like 40 said it is not unreasonable given the addiction to expect a long reboot. Also, sometimes sex and meds can interfere with the healing process...at least I think this could be the case. No matter what, I'm pulling for you Horton. :)
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  7. Horton

    Horton Member

    Hey guys logging in for one of my periodic updates.... Thanks for your replies. First some quick comments on them:

    Saville, you seemed to already conclude that this not being the right girl for me is not an issue. Pretty much the only major issue we have faced all along relates to my sexual problems. I appreciate the thoughts / comments and don't think I haven't given that idea a lot of thought. In a way, I wish I could try with another woman to see if the ED problems were there or not, but I'm happy in my committed relationship and thus that's not a likely experiment to take place.

    I would say that a lot has changed for me as far as mental patterns in the time since I stopped PMO. Though I'm a generally liberal, respectful guy, I will fully admit that throughout my entire life I would always ogle women, think about sex, stare as long as I could, think a lot about sex, etc... Since stopping PMO, my level of genuine respect for women has greatly improved and I don't first think of them as sex objects or potential sex partners. Not that I don't still check them out, or think about these types of things, but it's just different now - there's an underlying obsession with sex that is gone. Is that structural changes? I don't know. But my relationship with half of the world's population feels a lot healthier now than it used to.

    I'll note that there are no drug issues I've had in the past so that's not a factor. Whatever damage I have done, I have done solely through PMO.

    Yes - I will fully admit this. I still feel a lot of anxiety around sex. I am always mildly worried will the drugs work (even though they virtually always do), and what happens if they stop working, and what the impacts may be on my relationship for a failure to perform. Some of that is unfounded at this point, because overall the drugs keep things moving and our relationship has obviously matured after 2.5 years, so I clearly could do some work to deal with this better. It's something for me to consider.

    So my update is more or less the same as usual. Since my last post about 2 months ago I think I've had probably 3-5 cases of ED, which includes 2 with drugs, and at least one without drugs. The two times with a drug was the same one (I use a variety) so that one may just not be quite as potent or something. Otherwise the drugs have worked fine. On one occasion next week, on the two days after taking a short term drug (Levitra), I was able to have sex without drugs. Once my gf got off but it was a close race as my erection was fading when she did. The other time I finished. Beyond that I can't think of any cases of it working without drugs, and honestly I try to avoid sexual attempts without drugs at this point.

    Which is one of the things that led me to post here today. I have managed to put together a sex life that is dependent upon drugs and trying to time taking them when I think I'm likely to get laid, which causes stress because I generally try to get laid when I do use the drugs (my gf remains almost 100% willing), and somewhat shy away when I'm not. This probably isn't a good behavior pattern, and honestly it's growing tiresome to try to keep ahead of the ED with the medications. It's frustrating and disheartening and probably not the healthiest of sex lives to have in any case.

    I don't really know what the answer is, but typing this got me thinking. Maybe I need to try some more without drugs to see what happens. Maybe I just need to accept things as they are and be happy with them. Eventually my gf will hit menopause and her drive will fall, right? Maybe I just need to chill out. But as I type this I guess I'm past 29 months of no PMO, and that hasn't changed - no slip-ups, nothing. I remain with no desire to go back. Sometimes I wonder if I should MO sometimes to help regulate my mood, but I'm afraid to as long as the ED problems persist. But anyway, as I said in my last post, I am here to provide the story that says that, at least thus far, I am not cured despite the complete removal of PMO from my life.

    Of note also - I have dropped 28 lbs since February (and still working at it). After I stopped PMO I started gaining weight and that went on for 2 years. This recent run of weight loss has dropped me just a few pounds below where I was when I met my gf. I still would like to lose about 12 more lbs to get to my lifelong target weight. I do not think the weight loss has helped the ED in any observable fashion. It has of course helped my overall feeling of well-being though. Again, just throwing data out there for you guys.

    As is the case now, I probably won't check back here for a while, but I do intend to keep checking in to inform you guys of where I stand, good or bad. For now, the overall is still bad, in that I'm 29 months in and no cure. Yes, I have the bandaid of the ED meds, but that comes with its price as well. It's just better than the alternative.
     
    Saville likes this.
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Great and honest account of what's going on in your life.

    First off, dude, serious big props for being 29 months PMO-free! YOU, my friend, are a champ. The fact that you haven't used any of your experiences as an excuse to backslide is amazing, laudable, and just, well, awesome. :) Everything is better when we are living free of P, free of M, free of fantasy. You are ogling women less which is great. What other positives are happening? Do you have unfulfilled dreams that are simmering on the back burner? I've personally found that my happiness is a by-product of doing a bit of the mundane things (the stuff I usually put off) and some of the things that I truly like. Sometimes it feels like I don't have the energy to pursue anything, but by sticking to my belief that doing the small stuff adds up I'm somehow leading a more rewarding life than I was a year ago.

    Incrementally the whole of our lives can add up to something incredible.
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks for the update, Horton. I'm interested to learn about your current libido and how sex feels for you...at this point in my reboot erections are getting better and better, but libido does go up and down and about half the time sex doesn't feel that great. I feel like I will definitely be a long rebooter, so I'm not worried, just curious.
     
  10. dirtmeister

    dirtmeister New Member

    Using drugs to fight ED is just a short-term solution. If taking drugs and pleasing your gf is more important to you than making a full, natural recovery then maybe you should consider letting her go and giving your body proper time to heal. Going a year or two without sex is better then being dependent on ED drugs for the rest of your life!
     
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I'll consider it...now beat it, spammer.
     
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I know my wife's sex drive is not that strong. If I don't remind her every week it probably happens once every couple of months. But, now that I've reread your last post it suddenly occurred to me that you fear abandonment. I remember a few other posts where you worried about the satisfaction of your gf above your own. Forgive the pop-psychology, but ARE you afraid of losing her, that she'll just get fed up with your ED issues and pack her bags? If that's the case then that's heavy, brother.

    One of the things that really rescued me was realizing that journey was only about me. I decided I didn't care if the wife came or not, and tbh, I still don't. This was unheard of for me back in the day, because it was all about the woman O'ing first and me taking care of her needs. The problem was that sex felt like a job. I remember how my wife would rub herself up and down on my leg so she could get off. It was all about her and then when I took too long I could sense she was over it. Well, she had her fun and now it's my turn. However, what I've noticed is that she is now tuning in to me. She takes her cues from me and so as a consequence is beginning to enjoy the sex more and more, each time out. It turns out that being selfish is actually an act of true consideration, because if we can't take our own feelings into account then what use are we?

    Love to you, bro.
     
    40New30 likes this.
  13. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    I think a lot of times during a reboot we all may be using meds to some degree in an effort to be intimate with our significant other or whomever we may seek a sexual experience with. Though many of us have success to some degree with the aid of something pill formed, we aren't helping ourselves. I have spent years eating pills to achieve erections for simply the desire to have an orgasm ( basically the brain seeking pmo ) and we never give ourselves a chance to heal. I have had a tremendous amount of success in the last 2 months. I simply stopped seeking the orgasm. Went about 3 weeks without anything ( sexually related ) and then tried intercourse with my significant other and had success. The key here isn't to have sex every day ( for the simple fact for an orgasm, I'm telling you, if you are doing this you're only feeding the PMO desire ) wait it out, try sex once every 2 weeks, maybe once every 3 weeks, but when you do it, don't use meds. Yeah, we use meds, we get off ( yay!!! ) that's all we did, we didn't cure anything ( except getting off ). I was a firm believer in meds for years, now that I just stopped taking them and quit the "I need an orgasm everyday" thought. Things have gotten better. There is light at the the end of the tunnel, getting a orgasm daily or every other day or failing or succeeding every day with the use of meds every day or every other day isn't helping any of us. Slow down, heal... we don't need an orgasm every day, that's what we did when we used pmo.

    I'm 42 years old. I had a pmo addiction from the age of 15 to 40, off and on during age 40-41 and now at age 42, with what I am doing, I am having success. I'm not 100% every time... there have been a few times I've been at 80%. Many times at 100% and in the middle the other times.

    Just my thoughts guys
     
    40New30 likes this.
  14. Horton

    Horton Member

    L0oks like it's been quite a while since I've been here (6 months or so). I guess it's because really nothing has changed.

    With ED drugs - things work fine, almost all of the time. I have the occasional issue of ED even with meds, but it is infrequent so I don't worry about it too much. I do wonder as I age what impact that might have, but for now it's OK I guess.

    Without ED drugs - Sometimes I can get an erection, especially if I self-stimulate to get it hard. Once it's hard now, it seems to work OK. I don't have as much control over my O as I do when I'm using the ED meds, so PE is a bit of an issue. However, there are more issues when she tries to arouse me at an "unplanned" or spontaneous time. Performance is erratic at best, and poor most of the time.

    This morning she tried to get me going with no meds in my system, just unplanned. I started to get the first whiff of an erection, then it was gone and that was that.

    To be clear, I'm now 3 years clear of PMO (well, two weeks short of 3 years but that hardly matters). I have MO'd maybe seven times over the past six months, but most recently was 2-3 months ago now. All of those were no porn, no fantasy, no thinking about anything other than my hand and my dick. Just cases where I needed a release and hadn't gotten one from my gf (now wife) in a little while. I don't think those MO sessions impacted anything one way or the other.

    What happens a lot now is that if she suggests we do something and I know I have meds, I will try to avoid it. This probably is a chicken and egg problem. My fear of ED makes me avoid the situation, and also increases my anxiety when spontaneous sex occurs, causing ED. It's a bad situation all around.

    Anyway, for those of you who claim that PIED is always cured by removing the P, here I am. Basically 3 years in, ZERO PMO, and still I have ED issues. I would like to think that someday they'll go away, but at this point, is that realistic? Especially given that I'm also not getting any younger.

    I still encourage everyone out there to immediately stop and never go back to the PMO cycle. My life is so much better for having stopped for a lot of reasons. It's just that curing my ED is not one of them.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  15. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Thanks Horton,
    at 16 months my experience is very similar.
    love to you and thank you for sharing!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Porn use isn't the only factor with regards to ED for a lot of us. For me porn was the main driver of the ED but I also had other health problems which I had to address to get closer to where I wanted to be.

    Have you looked into your hormonal profile? High E2, low T, high cortisol, or even just a large viral load can knock any man on his ass with regards to a sex life, and these things are often undiagnosed without going to a specialist.

    I'm still seeing progress at about Month 20, so it's taking me a long ass time to fully reboot too; I had to address my stress levels, my candida overgrowth issues, and change my lifestyle a lot to start getting really good results.

    Thanks for checking in and the update.
     
    Boxer17 and Libertad like this.

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